First Steps to Solvency

ladyholly

Everyone is rooting for you. You have taken the first step in admitting you have a problem. Believe me that is a massive thing. As others have said you now need proper real life help. We are here for support but cannot provide the professional help you need. Please continue posting as I think you need the anonymous sounding board and I for one will worry if we don't hear fro you. 

KxMx

I second all the comments about continuing to post, especially the one above. 

alt80

Thanks all.

Decent day on the work front at least after a not so great week last week. Staff sent through some charity suggestions, decent valuation on a mixed use place to get my mind working a bit. Got one of my junior staff working on it with me, he’s come a long way in not too long time quite impressed tbh. Been on the counselling for a while but tbh haven’t really engaged much out of the session. Things go better on the weeks/ days I have followed up so need to carry on with that - put the effort in.

Told JV mate I’m not bothering with the flat conversion for me it’s just not worth it numbers aside. Said to him I need to stay off the stuff, finding it’s become less fun. According to him I can’t even go big with a coke habit lol know it’s only banter but look around me and realise he’s right, doing ok but never hit the big time. I’m not even sure I will. He’s hardly worked a day in his life got everything I’ve ever wanted even his 2 kids go to a better school than my son. Rationally I can take a step back realise he’s on a different journey to me but it’s hard to do that in the moment when I know he’s sat in his country home doing whatever the !!!!!! he wants just letting the money roll in and I’ve been falling to bits over where I am in life, working like a !!!!!! to not even scratch the surface really. Stop looking up and I know I’ve not got it bad really, see enough of people really struggling in my job. Sometimes I’m really grateful for what I have in life, put the graft in for it but still in a really good place, profitable business, my own family, nice res home, decent motor on the drive. When I go to some places I feel really !!!!!! blessed tbh until I look up see my mate with everything he’s got and in a moment I feel like !!!!!! about myself. Complete failure in life. It’s ridiculous really.

Different note, realised I’m really looking forward to the hall, bought it sober and there’s been no shame or mad risks with it, just a cool project. Going to spend some time thinking about bringing the project work in-house. All down to me being on here so big thank you on that.

Need to face the current account tonight. @ryanm8655 no not come from retained. I’ve just been letting my current account go into overdraft and not accounting for it. Know it puts the debt up effectively. Definitely need to face the figures though.

Today’s happier January is find the good in the day. Well I’ve not touched the chang, decent interesting fee earner, well planned for the week ahead.

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

Thanks all.

Decent day on the work front at least after a not so great week last week. Staff sent through some charity suggestions, decent valuation on a mixed use place to get my mind working a bit. Got one of my junior staff working on it with me, he’s come a long way in not too long time quite impressed tbh. Been on the counselling for a while but tbh haven’t really engaged much out of the session. Things go better on the weeks/ days I have followed up so need to carry on with that - put the effort in.

Told JV mate I’m not bothering with the flat conversion for me it’s just not worth it numbers aside. Said to him I need to stay off the stuff, finding it’s become less fun. According to him I can’t even go big with a coke habit lol know it’s only banter but look around me and realise he’s right, doing ok but never hit the big time. I’m not even sure I will. He’s hardly worked a day in his life got everything I’ve ever wanted even his 2 kids go to a better school than my son. Rationally I can take a step back realise he’s on a different journey to me but it’s hard to do that in the moment when I know he’s sat in his country home doing whatever the !!!!!! he wants just letting the money roll in and I’ve been falling to bits over where I am in life, working like a !!!!!! to not even scratch the surface really. Stop looking up and I know I’ve not got it bad really, see enough of people really struggling in my job. Sometimes I’m really grateful for what I have in life, put the graft in for it but still in a really good place, profitable business, my own family, nice res home, decent motor on the drive. When I go to some places I feel really !!!!!! blessed tbh until I look up see my mate with everything he’s got and in a moment I feel like !!!!!! about myself. Complete failure in life. It’s ridiculous really.

Different note, realised I’m really looking forward to the hall, bought it sober and there’s been no shame or mad risks with it, just a cool project. Going to spend some time thinking about bringing the project work in-house. All down to me being on here so big thank you on that.

Need to face the current account tonight. @ryanm8655 no not come from retained. I’ve just been letting my current account go into overdraft and not accounting for it. Know it puts the debt up effectively. Definitely need to face the figures though.

Today’s happier January is find the good in the day. Well I’ve not touched the chang, decent interesting fee earner, well planned for the week ahead.

Good work re: the joint venture and telling the friend re: being off the stuff.

The hall sounds like an exciting project.

Pointless comparing yourself to others, who know's what is going on in their personal life...and when on a comedown I don't think £100m in the bank would make you happy...and if they're a massive cokehead then they will definitely have their demons...

I didn't include my overdraft in my initial debt figures either, not sure why, I think it just helped psychologically at the start and I viewed it differently to debt at the time. I also got rid of it pretty quickly. In your case though, I think it's important to keep track of. Are you paying interest?

the_end_of_the_rainbow

alt80 said:

Told JV mate I’m not bothering with the flat conversion for me it’s just not worth it numbers aside. Said to him I need to stay off the stuff, finding it’s become less fun. According to him I can’t even go big with a coke habit lol know it’s only banter but look around me and realise he’s right, doing ok but never hit the big time. I’m not even sure I will. He’s hardly worked a day in his life got everything I’ve ever wanted even his 2 kids go to a better school than my son. Rationally I can take a step back realise he’s on a different journey to me but it’s hard to do that in the moment when I know he’s sat in his country home doing whatever the !!!!!! he wants just letting the money roll in and I’ve been falling to bits over where I am in life, working like a !!!!!! to not even scratch the surface really. Stop looking up and I know I’ve not got it bad really, see enough of people really struggling in my job. Sometimes I’m really grateful for what I have in life, put the graft in for it but still in a really good place, profitable business, my own family, nice res home, decent motor on the drive. When I go to some places I feel really !!!!!! blessed tbh until I look up see my mate with everything he’s got and in a moment I feel like !!!!!! about myself. Complete failure in life. It’s ridiculous really.

I far more admire someone like you who has built up a solid business from scratch than someone who has hardly worked a day in his life.
You have achieved so much from sheer hard graft - please stop putting yourself down.

ladyholly

A "mate" who makes that sort of Comment is no mate. Why would you even want to take more with all the health risks? You cannot compare yourself to him as you started from vastly different place, are different people and if I am honest frm your description he is no better than the addicts I see on the street. He just has more assets that stops him being just like them. 

enthusiasticsaver

One thing which might be useful is to select your friends and colleagues better.  Someone like JV guy who makes you feel bad about yourself needs to be avoided at all costs.  He has done nothing to get where he is if it is all inherited wealth.  At least you have got where you are on your own merits and hard work.  Ditch him. 

Sun_Addict

Agree with the others, the fact that you’ve worked so hard to build up your business without an inheritance makes you a lot more successful than the JV guy who’s had it handed to him on a plate, that’s not success. 

alt80

Thanks all.

Never really considered it having much of a financial impact but FML working out the cost might actually help me to stay off it haha would much rather have a few units. Even an AM would be better really. Probably laugh but working out the impact of my spending has really cut down my want to spend generally tbh - when in a sane state of mind I’m thinking through purchases if it’s something I really want and the impact of buying it on my short/ long term finances. One of the reasons I’m so annoyed with myself for what I did last week tbh it wasn’t thought through. !!!!!! stupid risk taking behaviour.

Really strange feeling motivation re not using it again been here before many times but not actively engaging in counselling so I’ll see. Can see life without it can be better tbh - lockdown 1 turned out well. Haven’t really put two and two together with the mental health stuff before and been very quick to ‘yeah, yeah’ in the counselling. Said to wife I really want to work on it but no BS promises about it this time, take it one day at a time instead. Been an ongoing thing in my life since I was 21/22. Funnily enough bloke I used to work for well into his fifties now and by all accounts now destroying a business I would give a kidney for. 100 don’t want that to be me. Been writing down the negative aspects of it pros and cons honestly there’s only one pro and that doesn’t last long. 100 get the debt metaphor well when talking card debt etc.

JV mate he’s got a much bigger habit than I’ve ever had. Not that that’s an excuse he’s not the only mate I know who does it tbh most of the mates I have left like a sniff to varying extents. Everyone got their demons I know def no judgement from me though if I had to play amateur psychologist I’d guess it can’t be great to be 40odd, divorced and still be living in your childhood home. Tbf though if my parents had his place don’t think I’d have ever left home either haha. Write it down and suddenly it’s all a bit less to envy in my mind lol.

First £1k of my o/d is interest free. By the month end it’ll be £3.5k overdrawn. £385 accounted for in Christmas overspend. Try to have a sit down later and work it out. Still need to work out how bad things will be looking as a total by month end on the cards too - 100% not going to make it to month end on variable non chang spends.

Legs21

If JV guy has everything then why does he need to snort Chang? Surely he should be ‘high on life’

Just saying......