First Steps to Solvency

alt80

@enthusiasticsaver yeah starting to realise I’ve probably been a bit of an embarrassment to myself. Maybe should stop posting tbf. Consider it a lot but it has been helpful and debts not been as low as they are now on the card front since I was about 25 apart from straight after the remo so something seems to be working ha.

enthusiasticsaver

I don't think you should stop posting.  We have supported you through paying the cards down and stopping the spending sprees but the drug abuse is something else you need more specialised advice with.  It is nothing to be embarrassed about and no one thinks any the worse of you. The other areas of your life will fall into place when you stop the substance use or at least it gives you a fighting chance of sorting things out.  It has been clear you make bad decisions when under the influence. 

maddiemay

Speaking personally I don't see any reason why you should stop posting. Alright you have a lot more to deal with that anyone here might have thought when you started posting, and it seems to be universally acknowledged that it is professional help that you need, however, support through the tough times will be still be offered and I believe the continuation of day to day advice re the business and your personal debt.
For all of your low self esteem you (the real you) seems like a nice guy who is always ready to offer help to other posters, not the scummer (new word in my vocab LOL) that you believe you are.
This may seem trite, but it is the only way:- Don't look back as we cannot change it, make the most of every day

getmore4less

alt80 said:

I hear you on business/ personal split. Reason I obsess over it is I feel I need to pay the business back for the lost units. 

The only sensible way to do that is delay increasing your income.

I would not try to cut what you have now but make it work for the next few years.
Get the other s**t sorted and review.

ryanm8655

I would bet your JV mate does it more often than you do and even if he only does it as often, you can 100% bet that he feels as down as you do when he’s coming down. Whatever picture he paints. No one is immune to a comedown. I wouldn’t envy his life. He seems the type to put others down to bring himself up and that’s because of his own self esteem (my pet hate in people), so just goes to show that money doesn’t buy happiness. He’d happily sabotage you by getting you on the drugs too. As hard as it is given that they’ve been a “friend” for a longtime, I think you need to cut them out  but it won’t be easy and is something you’ll need to work through at counselling, sure you’ve been through a lot over the years even if they are a douche bag.

I’m assuming the money has come from retained in the business, hence not impacting the credit card pay off.

Lots of things in the diary make more sense, not that it makes your wife right to do what she did but can see why she felt the way she did. I wouldn’t be surprised if the anxiety/paranoia around your health was caused by it too. I do wonder if family counselling would be worthwhile? Your wife has her faults but must’ve had a lot to deal with too.

You do seem to try and justify the use sometimes, e.g. when talking about being able to work all night and do long hours etc. I think you’d achieve far more without it and the fact you’ve done so well is in spite of rather than because of the stuff...

No one thinks any less of you dude, as I’ve always said, deep down you come across as a nice guy who is happy to help others. It’s also impressive how you’ve held everything together for so long considering. Imagine what you’d achieve without it...

Keep it up with the one positive a day, get through this and see where you are in 2 weeks/a month. Get whatever help you need to to crush the habit too.

It will be tough but so worth it. 

warby68

Don't stop posting.
If you are serious about tackling your problems, I promise you that people will still want to help, even if the route so far has been a bit roundabout.

ZaSa1418

You don't need to stop posting but you need some serious help re the drugs 

RelievedSheff

We will miss you if you stop posting.

I for one want to see the day that you post you have cleared your credit card balances. Your progress so far has been amazing.

kayannie

I've not posted before although I have been following your diary. Please don't stop posting as you need some place to get things (good or bad) off your chest. Getting your thoughts written down helps put things into perspective & you get good advice too. If you weren't writing these things down you'd be bottling it all up & that's not good.

ryanm8655

kayannie said:

I've not posted before although I have been following your diary. Please don't stop posting as you need some place to get things (good or bad) off your chest. Getting your thoughts written down helps put things into perspective & you get good advice too. If you weren't writing these things down you'd be bottling it all up & that's not good.

Agreed. It also seems to be the one place you can be honest and hold yourself accountable in some way. The anonymity means you don’t need to pretend.

We’re all rooting for you dude.