First Steps to Solvency

Willowtree222

Agree with the above.
You've absolutely made it. 

I also love that you've given FILs idea a go. I also think you'd BOTH benefit from doing something different like coaching. 

ryanm8655

Have to agree re: JV, not least for your own mental health and keeping off the stuff. Doesn’t sound like they’re the kind of friend that would react well if you turned it down/said no to the stuff at a meet up? Could always be honest with them, say you want to keep of the stuff and can’t trust yourself so going to have to pull out and keep yourself to yourself for a while? A good mate would understand.

Sun_Addict

It’s great that your wife is thinking about doing something good. She needs something to focus on other than the influencers. Coaching is a fab idea. You need to ditch some of your ‘friends’ and keep those who will stick by you whatever. I don’t think you realise how well you’re doing.

getmore4less

Will check out the food places .

Had a close relative do UNI in Derby a couple of years back never went to visit.
 
In my Derby days the go to was the Full Moon Normanton Road.

stymied

alt80 said:

@stymied Tbh I was feeling low after wife looking at clothes/ back on IG and my JV mate called me up. Speak/ see him 100 before I know it I’m on the chang. People/ places/ things according to counsellor. 100 agree there. Spent just over £3k on it since I started working on the debts some months more than others very little not particularly consistent with how much. Yeah I know. Never been something I’ve ever done everyday that’s where I struggle with the whole addiction thing. Know people with bigger habits who wouldn’t be questioning if they’re at the stage of being addicted tbh and not at the rotting my septum off stage if that’s what you were wondering ha but I see how it can get to that point, that’s what scares me tbf. Don’t even want it for weeks sometimes feel it’s not worth it etc, then something sets me off and I give in. Not a bit of fun anymore/ wrong reasons.

Ummm... £750 per month. Can you compare that to other stuff you want more next time you start thinking it might be a good idea?

getmore4less

stymied said:

alt80 said:

@stymied Tbh I was feeling low after wife looking at clothes/ back on IG and my JV mate called me up. Speak/ see him 100 before I know it I’m on the chang. People/ places/ things according to counsellor. 100 agree there. Spent just over £3k on it since I started working on the debts some months more than others very little not particularly consistent with how much. Yeah I know. Never been something I’ve ever done everyday that’s where I struggle with the whole addiction thing. Know people with bigger habits who wouldn’t be questioning if they’re at the stage of being addicted tbh and not at the rotting my septum off stage if that’s what you were wondering ha but I see how it can get to that point, that’s what scares me tbf. Don’t even want it for weeks sometimes feel it’s not worth it etc, then something sets me off and I give in. Not a bit of fun anymore/ wrong reasons.

Ummm... £750 per month. Can you compare that to other stuff you want more next time you start thinking it might be a good idea?

Ummm not seeing that on the variable spends account, what money tree has that been coming from? £300 on a bit of slap don't look so bad now.

enthusiasticsaver

That is £3k which could have been repaid off the cards instead of lining some dealers pockets. If you cannot do without it then you are an addict and need to address this urgently.  Just because you don't do it every day it does not mean you are not addicted. I think you need to mix with a different crowd. 

alt80

@enthusiasticsaver yeah definitely re mate.

Thanks, it’s from ‘action for happiness’ and there’s a calendar of things your meant to do everyday. In-laws do it every month parents in law and wife’s siblings too lol. Think I’m chasing too much of a buzz a lot of the time tbh. Have had the contented type feeling, spending time with family etc. Just need to keep working on it.

@RelievedSheff / @Nicnak you’ve a lot more confidence on that than I have lol. Wife likes the idea of coaching. Can’t say I’ve thought about it, enjoy my sport tbf but just seems like a lot of time.

@ryanm8655 you’ve summed him up in a nutshell mate, absolute liability with the stuff lol. Can sort of get away with it though tbf to him, no real job/ commitments. He’s a lucky !!!!!! tbh, same age as me but family got proper money, never needed to work a day in his life. Does mean he doesn’t really get it re work/ commitments/ cutting the stuff down etc so no idea how he’ll be with me tbh but I need to stay away I think.

@Sun_Addict thank you. She’ll love it I think if she sticks with it/ finds somewhere. 100 correct re ‘friends’ tbh. Hopefully carry on carrying on down this road might get somewhere someday.

@getmore4less you’re not missing much lol. Don’t know Derby that well mate tbh just well enough to stay away these days ha.

It’s not been budgeted for I’ve allowed my current account to go overdrawn. Didn’t really want to track the spends on the stuff. Yeah I know. I know re wife’s spends too tbh she seems to think !!!!!! it and spends when she knows I’ve been on the stuff mainly. Not accounted for it in the Christmas payback. Know I need to face up to it and get a plan to stop using the overdraft have tried to this evening just so !!!!!! ashamed of myself tbh. Did spend out of BTL account once a few months back but paid that back and haven’t done it again.

@stymied it’s up and down rather than a set amount. I don’t really want to waste my money on it again tbh. Not sure I’m really in a frame of mind to take that step back to compare it to something else when I really want it tbh. 

alt80

@enthusiasticsaver 100 right re people I mix with sometimes. Tbh I’ve blocked a few this evening been considering what gives me the idea that it’s a good idea to do it. Sometimes not people related but I’ve got a few mates like the one I was going to do the JV with and I didn’t really think they did but they are a trigger for my use of it.

The money wouldn’t have come off cards can think of one sale that it would have tbf but I wouldn’t be overdrawn at the end of each month. I’m really trying to take the counselling seriously do what I need to do between the sessions.

alt80

Good/ positive for today:
1. done something to help others
2. helped son with his school stuff, helped him to build a pirate saw from Lego lol (separate to his school project)
3. Roast chicken dinner
4. spent time with wife this evening watching tv, felt quite content with her not just wishing she was someone else with more similar interests. Realise how bad that sounds. Made her a chamomile tea and we had a couple of Christmas chocs. Should have had same myself been on the coffee all day/ night no decaf don’t !!!!!! learn lol.