First Steps to Solvency

getmore4less

Where gas all this decent conversation come from?

You have said in previous posts your idea of bedtime chat is talking cars and property. 

With you head full of AM and units have you got nay decent conversation in you? 

Onebrokelady

Now I can see why your wife spends so much money to feel good, If I was her right now I would be filing for divorce, you  say you love her but I'm not sure you actually do, you're angry at the moment because you  can't clear the debts fast enough for a new car, that's what it boils down to ,who puts a lump of metal before their family, I was annoyed at your wife for wasting money but she has a very unfulfilling life and I can now see why she does what she does 

Judes123

I have read your posts with interest, financially you have been doing so well.
 There seems to be a lot of younger couples who have “ date nights” is this influenced by IG? Or Yummy mummies”? ( Couldn’t be a..ed myself but then i am “ a more mature( age) woman.)
 Have you thought of both having the same amount of money available each month? You include the payment for your car,running costs..petrol,clothes and your wife gets the same amount for her car replacement( assuming it is on lease or a bank loan) running costs,clothes,make- up etc.There could be no arguments then,with who spends what...if you or your wife know exactly how much is available for each of you..then it is up to you individually what you spend your individual budget on. Any left over is your individual savings to use as you want to spend =The A.M! Perhaps you could both open an individual bank account and once a month,pay your individual monthly “allowance” in to be spent as each of you wishes.
 I also suggest you have a monthly budget for son, to include school fees,clothes,school trips.etc. If your wife is put in charge of this she WILL HAVE TO budget.
Have separate budgets for food,xmas,birthdays,holidays,treats etc.
This would be hard to start with,but it would give you both financial accountability without you feeling guilty about JOINT past mistakes and may also raise your wifes self esteem if you treat her as an equal,financially.
You have said, several times,that you earn the money....thats correct....but with your wifes efforts, in the background.. keeping a nice home,looking after your son,cleaning etc, ..How many hours effort do you think she puts in,7 days a week ? 

alt80

Nearly midnight wide awake again lol been in bed since 10 too ha. Probably a sign I should take one of the pills. Tbf wife made it a really nice evening nothing to drink either she made some elderflower and apple drink really nice actually and no hangover guaranteed win win. I can’t relax tbh making myself ill really, anger uncontrollable levels again. Times I definitely wish I’d made a lot of different life choices affects my judgement generally.

@getmore4less lol very funny mate. That’s decent conversation to me 100%. 

@Onebrokelady not sure what to say tbh. Definitely want to clear the debts ASAP and get an AM not sure that’s putting ‘a lump of metal above my family’ though.

@Jude123 nice idea but it doesn’t work whilst paying debts unless I want this to go on for longer. Current budget means I throw a good amount of money at the debts. !!!!!! the cards off ASAP and I can get to the RR balloon in time too. Not sure why anyone on a debt page would be advising I stay in debt and if I wind up refinancing the RR balloon that would be interest baring unless I do something creative with cards. I’m really motivated to have all the current debts clear by the time the balloon is due on the Range Rover. That’s why I’m giving the bmw up - don’t give that up I don’t think I can get to the RR balloon payment in time without an element of refinancing/ building balances on cards. Takes me further away from additional units over those I can get from current and ongoing retained profits and also puts the AM life back. Not sure why having goals is an issue? Didn’t have any goals in life might as well sit back do 1 day work a week and let income roll in with staff doing it all just give up on life basically lol.

I Don’t think it’s really fair to say split same - I’m not getting much of an AM for what she’ll get in makeup on same budget ha and she doesn’t earn any money not a chance a bit of cleaning adds up to same graft. Not saying she does nothing because she does do stuff but it’s not the same. She’s worth about min wage in the workplace realistically.

RelievedSheff

Judes123 said:

I have read your posts with interest, financially you have been doing so well.
 There seems to be a lot of younger couples who have “ date nights” is this influenced by IG? Or Yummy mummies”? ( Couldn’t be a..ed myself but then i am “ a more mature( age) woman.)
 Have you thought of both having the same amount of money available each month? You include the payment for your car,running costs..petrol,clothes and your wife gets the same amount for her car replacement( assuming it is on lease or a bank loan) running costs,clothes,make- up etc.There could be no arguments then,with who spends what...if you or your wife know exactly how much is available for each of you..then it is up to you individually what you spend your individual budget on. Any left over is your individual savings to use as you want to spend =The A.M! Perhaps you could both open an individual bank account and once a month,pay your individual monthly “allowance” in to be spent as each of you wishes.
 I also suggest you have a monthly budget for son, to include school fees,clothes,school trips.etc. If your wife is put in charge of this she WILL HAVE TO budget.
Have separate budgets for food,xmas,birthdays,holidays,treats etc.
This would be hard to start with,but it would give you both financial accountability without you feeling guilty about JOINT past mistakes and may also raise your wifes self esteem if you treat her as an equal,financially.
You have said, several times,that you earn the money....thats correct....but with your wifes efforts, in the background.. keeping a nice home,looking after your son,cleaning etc, ..How many hours effort do you think she puts in,7 days a week ? 

Some mothers manage to hold down a full time job, look after their children and keep a nice home. I'm damn sure they put in more hours, 7 days a week then someone who has the luxury of not working!

alt80

Got to sleep eventually. Woken up feeling a bit better generally. Regret some of the things I wrote on here tbh. Def have let the anger get the better of me and stayed in the !!!!!! mood I’d managed to get myself in drinking on Saturday. Also been struggling with the other stuff !!!!!! hate myself for it wish I could just forget about it altogether. No wonder my sleep is !!!!!!.

@RelievedSheff I’m with you she has an easy life- tbf she actually does realise that and doesn’t moan about the ’workload’ seems I’m lucky in that respect hear a lot of mums giving all the ‘hardest job in the world’ BS. 

enthusiasticsaver

Judes123 said:

I have read your posts with interest, financially you have been doing so well.
 There seems to be a lot of younger couples who have “ date nights” is this influenced by IG? Or Yummy mummies”? ( Couldn’t be a..ed myself but then i am “ a more mature( age) woman.)
 Have you thought of both having the same amount of money available each month? You include the payment for your car,running costs..petrol,clothes and your wife gets the same amount for her car replacement( assuming it is on lease or a bank loan) running costs,clothes,make- up etc.There could be no arguments then,with who spends what...if you or your wife know exactly how much is available for each of you..then it is up to you individually what you spend your individual budget on. Any left over is your individual savings to use as you want to spend =The A.M! Perhaps you could both open an individual bank account and once a month,pay your individual monthly “allowance” in to be spent as each of you wishes.
 I also suggest you have a monthly budget for son, to include school fees,clothes,school trips.etc. If your wife is put in charge of this she WILL HAVE TO budget.
Have separate budgets for food,xmas,birthdays,holidays,treats etc.
This would be hard to start with,but it would give you both financial accountability without you feeling guilty about JOINT past mistakes and may also raise your wifes self esteem if you treat her as an equal,financially.
You have said, several times,that you earn the money....thats correct....but with your wifes efforts, in the background.. keeping a nice home,looking after your son,cleaning etc, ..How many hours effort do you think she puts in,7 days a week ? 

I agree with some of the things you have said like monthly budgets but I think it is quite clear that alts wife has an easy life with only one school age child, no responsibility for managing finances and very little accountability as alt gives in to her overspending and presumably a lot of time on her hands as most working mums with young children don't have time for "date nights" but I think the crux of the matter is her DH wants her to work to cover some of the spending and she doesn't. If this was our situation and my husband wanted me to work full time while he stayed at home I would not be happy either if he had no health issues and very little home responsibility. Cleaning a 4 bed house does not take all week and their child is at school during the week normally. Most of us manage to work and do all that stuff either with a DH helping or as I suggested part time giving her time to do it but not all week. I cannot imagine what she does all day except sit on IG. I would not be encouraging that either by giving her a large spending allowance. 

getmore4less

Can't find the post for the actual words used but the calculations showed that your ftype was a big waste of money and extremely poor value.

 Trying to blame the wife spending that meant it had to go won't change that.

alt80

Spoke to someone about partnering up on the project, could become another nightmare if I do it on my own - finances are a bit of an issue until block sorted. Waiting to hear back but he’s keen. Impatient now lol.

Seriously thinking about an XJS V12 again. Would take debts back up to c£40k not counting the RR but would get me another car.  Know I’d be paying for it beyond RR balloon time but could use it for partial deposit for an AM and won’t lost money. Easy to say not going to buy a car when it’s winter and car would just be sat in garage anyway but when spring is on the horizon should be out of lockdown some point this year just start to think need to have something to make the weekends easier. Know I laugh about how slow my mates MG is but it’s a nice car quite endearing to drive tbh thinking about maybe making him an offer if he’d maintain it for me instead of an XJS. I’d offer him £10-12k for it tbh would probably be better for me to have some fun at legal speeds and my son loves that little car. Would be cheaper to run etc also lose no money. 1/3 the way to a used V8V locked away too. Not going to make any rash decisions/ offers time to think being lockdown. 

Covid making me a bit anxious tbh. Looked up three times this morning if I can pay for jab yet. Looking like I won’t get it until autumn but whilst I take precautions I do think my job can be quite high risk. FIL not helped sent me an article younger people in hospital with it telling me to be careful. Would have been thought he’d be happy if I copped it lol. I’ve got no health conditions well apart from being mental lol. Could just stop doing fee earners but catch 22 as just putting staff at risk also. I would pay for everyone in my business to have it not being selfish about it just looking out for my own. Only the Pfizer one though Oxford one not as effective. Don’t like there’s no choice but to wait esp when some of us still working others not. 

@getmore4less agree the ftype not one of my wiser buys haha. Could have hung on if less on cards though tbh. 

RelievedSheff

The vaccine one is a difficult one. I am personally in no rush to have it. But I do think it is a good idea for those who are older and clinically at risk to take it. We were discussing this the other day and we have both decided that we are happy to wait as long as it takes to get ours.