First Steps to Solvency

stymied

Devil's advocate here: as she is the primary carer, wouldn't it be more likely that it is you who has to leave the current residential home?

I've lost the thread here - I think you are saying that you know what it is that your wife wants and you are able to provide it. Is this just your time in the evenings? If so then this sounds like an excellent investment in the current circumstances!

getmore4less

Who needs new clothes? 

https://www.nottinghampost.com/news/uk-world-news/woman-wears-same-dress-every-4873143

Sarahwithlove

I don't think either of you are prepared for the financial impact of splitting up would have. It isn't a simple case of you move out and I get everything. It's in joint names. You need to stop viewing it as your money to spend on what you want I.e AM/Ftype. You already have the RR which you aren't willing to give up. You're acting like your a single guy with no commitments or responsibilities and blaming it on your wife because you can't have what you want. Why should she have nothing any more then you should. I think you both need to go onto an allowance for in the future so that it curbs your spending. Whether you choose to use yours on a 2nd car is up to you but your supposed to be partners in this and you're so far away from that it's hard to read. Maybe some marriage counselling is needed to try and salvage things for your sons sake and if that doesn't work then make the decision to split but be prepared for the financial consequences for you both. 

theoretica

alt80 said:

@Sarahwithlove don’t get me wrong I know I’d have to buy her a house to value of half equity I have in this place and some sort of ongoing allowance. Not the type of dad who wouldn’t pay for my kid either if that’s what you mean. 

Only thing in joint names is res home. Wish it wasn’t, no other house ever has been but is what it is.

No. It doesn't matter whose name things are in. If you divorced, I'm not sure you realise how much it would change your financial world. The starting point would be 50:50 on EVERYTHING: res home, BTLs, main business and any equity in cars and other big ticket stuff and debts. And then child maintenance, but unlikely to be an ongoing living allowance to her.  Guessing at the value of your business from what you pay yourself I suspect she would get all the equity of the res home + most of the BTL equity too.

ZaSa1418

It doesn't matter if her name is missing from the paperwork they are marital assets.
She could also keep the house until son is 18, she could apply and succeed in getting spousal maintenance. There are so many different scenarios with splitting up and it would all be out of your control.
If she worked and you stayed at home and looked after the house and your child why would we say any different? 

enthusiasticsaver

If you have been married for more than 10 years then the assets are split 50/50 and there is allowance usually for primary care giver for a child as young as your son is.  This will affect your portfolio too even if not in her name. A friend of my DHs is divorcing after more than 25 years and the assets are being split 50/50 amicably as children grown up so marital home being sold. Same with my sister  who  divorced a few years ago so you need to stop calling it your house.  It is  both of yours and realistically it would have to be sold .  You need a frank conversation with her and put it on the line that you are not happy and it does not appear she is either so unless you both compromise and start being a little less selfish then separation may be the answer but you will essentially need to start again so it is not as easy as you keep everything and she gets nothing. 

ZaSa1418

alt80 said:

I’d hope she’d be fair but tbh you’re probably right she’d be a !!!!!! about it go for stuff she has no real right to. Stuck with her probably til one of us dies. Serves me right I suppose.

This is the problem, she has a right to it all. You could argue that morally she doesn't but legally she does. 

Grumpelstiltskin

I still don't think that you think marriage is a partnership, it is and if you haven't realized that after 10 years then I don't think you will.
The person I feel sorry in this debacle is your son, at 7 he will realize that things are not right between you and his mother.
You are both responsible for this mess and until you are both prepared to change  then this is a slippery slope.

FootyFanDan

Hey, just checking in, it seems like it’s been a tough few days around everything. It appears that your ambition to get things cleared debt wise as opened up other stuff along the way. I don’t think I’d feel comfortable pushing judgment on either wife or you as it seems the past situation has caused some elements of the way you are at the moment. Whilst it’s difficult to comment re your situation I know from personal experience how easy it is to get into a situation where u feel not worth dealing with wife  issues, all I would advise is to somehow communicate between you and decide how you wish to move forward with relationship and money. It may be that she is depressed (I mean who would blame her with this bloody pandemic) but you need to try grip this quickly. This sort of conflict you have with your own thoughts can not be having a positive impact. Be kind to yourself but try encourage the wife to engage in some serious conversation... if she won’t at least you tried.

 You are making great steps and yes your wife may be used to a certain level of spending at present it seems like a tug of war with you both pulling in opposite ways to get control. There has to be some middle ground otherwise it won’t work and you may end up resenting quite for slowing progress and her vice versa for you stopping some of the insane spending.

 Keep going the journey will be worth it 

Savingtomove

As others said she would have a right to at least 50% of assets.  I had a very messy divorce and my ex husband who didn't work wanted even half of my NHS pension.  I know you feel she can just leave but she must feel very vulnerable not having a career or own income.  Not a situation I would fancy.  I'm not saying this to make her out to be a victim at all but I don't imagine it is great being in her boat financially tbh.
You have had some really positive posts about your relationship in the past maybe some counselling would be good.  Relate are a great charity who specialise in relationship counselling.