First Steps to Solvency

Baileys_Babe

I think giving up the rewards on the account for the pieces of mind that your wife is able to see and manage her own spends budget will be worth it.

enthusiasticsaver

That sounds very sad if all your wife and you care about is the res home and presumably your son. You have some tough decisions ahead and not just about finances but often over spending masks a deeper dissatisfaction in either relationships or life choices. I must admit when I first read your diary I thought and commented on why your wife didn't work to help clear the debt and cover spending and you have explained why but obviously you are not happy that you are the sole bread winner and I can understand that given her spending is so out of control. I think often your comments jarred and felt uncomfortable with me about you earn the money so you get to decide how it is spent as this is not the case in most loving relationships where you work as a team.

 I feel less uncomfortable with the stance you are taking now though given that it sounds like she does not want to work rather than she cannot work due to childcare or whatever. I would feel resentful in your shoes too. That may not be popular with SAHMs on here so no offence intended as I think this is a personal decision for both husband and wife. Should a woman or man for that matter be a SAHP though if their partner is unwilling to be the only income provider? Rhetorical question. However should she ever decide to get a job you do need to show willing re organising childcare and sorting the things at home she does do. Working part time when my children were small gave us the best of both worlds in that we had additional income, I kept my foot in the door career wise but still had time for the children and home etc. I think she would be more fulfilled and have less spare time to worry about lockdowns, social media, shopping etc if she either got a job, did some worthwhile voluntary work or retraining etc. Sounds like she is qualified as a PT and nail technician if she wanted to go down that route though. Then she could justifiably say she brings money in too and gets a say in how to spend it. 

stymied

What happened to the idea of the electric mini as a company car? It had sounded like that was going to work out for you both?

katsu

Baileys_Babe said:

I think giving up the rewards on the account for the pieces of mind that your wife is able to see and manage her own spends budget will be worth it.

Definitely give this some thought @alt80.  Why not try say 3 months using bank account during the month instead of CC and see if it's helped your wife and you to share the budget management and stick to it more harmoniously?

You've got to both be comfortable with the lack of magic money and I agree with BB that this might really help as a technique to achieve that.  When using a CC after years of doing so, it can feel less like you are borrowing from your future self as you are used to the debt.

alt80

@Baileys_Babe/ @katsu thanks will give it some thought over coming couple of weeks. 

@stymied it’s still going to cost something - just don’t see the point tbh.

@enthusiasticsaver 100 wish I’d no emotional attachment. Can’t live with her can’t live without her lol. Just want to be able to have a reasoned, intelligent discussion that would be nicer than her bringing any amount of cash tbh. Honestly couldn’t care if I never had sex again would rather talk property in bed anyday. !!!!!! boring conversation only with wife and her wanting to be romanced all the time fml been married over a decade I’m not out to impress anymore ha. Dream for me these days if I were single would be finding a woman with an interesting job or business, own res home, few units and a nice car no interest in romance, makeup, flowers, intimacy or whatever. No desire for kids, no desire to be financially dependent. I’m not bothered about looks at all tbh now. If a clinically obese woman with a full time job, few units and no expectations of being romanced hit me up I would 100% if I weren’t married.

People on here saying she should find a hobby / voluntary position / job I’d love that for her and 100 think it’d be good for her too but she won’t, pays me lip service for five minutes and carries on down same road idk.

theoretica

alt80 said:

Just want to go to office tbh but probably shouldn’t be a let down on the family side again.

I get the impression you wouldn't let down a business commitment which is admirable - anything agreed with your son is even more important as that is where he will learn to mirror the same behaviour of standing by his word.

alt80 said:

@getmore4less I am aware that’s an option just not the road I want to go down. Puts my goals back further. As soon as it’s gone I’m working on getting a used AM for cash or offset against units. Longer I let this carry on for stupid !!!!!! like her face/ clothes/ hols etc further away I am from the AM life.

That sounds like a major problem brewing.  It's not a balanced approach to family life, even with only one of you earning (and now, with home schooling, is really not the time to really bring up her earning more).  It sounds like an all out my stupid !!!! is more important than her stupid !!!! 

JGB1955

You are obviously open to counselling ... would she be too?  

alt80

@theoretica you’re right I’m not like that in business. Tbf I took him for a walk, spent a bit of time playing with his train set wife won’t get it out as it’s a mess to clear up so he liked that. No office time. Can’t wait to get back to it tomorrow. 

Yeah can see how it sounds now you say that. I suppose I’ve decided she’s not going to stand in the way of me building portfolio and getting an AM. More sustainable life. About time she learns she needs to work for what she wants tbh or she gets what she gets. Tell son no free ride then sees her freeloading not a good example really.

@JGB1955 idk she can call the number if she wants, pay for pmi for her too.

RelievedSheff

I think you and the wife have some serious conversations coming up if you are going to make a go of this and make it work.

It isn't going to be an easy conversation to have but I think you need to prepare for it and how to best approach it.

getmore4less

I stopped the hangover by spreading out the drinking start early and steady. 
For me  a 4pt day is classed as a no drinking day. 

You need to rethink your stratagy. 
You are planning to reduce the available to pay for the AM. 

Dish out your £8k pm between the three if you the house  current debt and the RR.
Make that sustainable long term and as the debts and RR are paid off you can start to live a bit more. 

Plan for the AM has to come out of new money not the current money.