First Steps to Solvency

shoppingobsessed2020

Been catching up on your diary and sorry to see things haven’t taken a great turn with the wife. Personally and I say this as a huge spender on all things beauty related cut her off.  Remove her as a names account holder on your credit cards.  Let her see what she can get limit wise on her own abs let her deal with that.  

Basic bank account with no overdraft for household spending so when it’s gone it’s gone and see how she manages with no access to credit

Really pleased to see the huge changes you’ve made but the attitude of your son concerns me.  I always remember being round at a friends when monkey boy was around 18 months and I said no at him for something and he cried buckets.  Told her I felt so guilty when telling him off when he cried.  She replied back when he’s a teenager and bigger than me
i need to keep that fear as that’s the only thing that will control him.  Her son at the time was over 6ft at 14/15 so I know where she is coming from when monkey boy at 9yrd old is built like a rugby player and he’s 5ft 6 in an adult 7 shoe.  No way can I physically restrain him from hitting me if he tried to as he weighs nearly as much as I do.  Yet that fear when I raise my voice if he’s done wrong has him crying even now.  Punishment is strict in our house and rarely needs to be used as my friends words always come back to me.   He has his moments but thankfully few and far between as his punishments vary from a day with no tech to a week or the other effective one I’ve used here is making him phone his grandparents whom he worships to explain why he can’t FaceTime them or answer their FaceTime calls.

fingers crossed for a better year ahead for you.

alt80

Boxing Day morning no hangover and sat sorting the finances out for coming month haha. Budget reset day but not going anywhere to spend any money so no spends. 

Wife has always thought she can pull any man she sets her eyes on and both she and her family think she could do a lot better. Probably could idk I’m not exactly winning. The IG stuff really !!!!!! annoying me tbh. This morning doing December make up haul posts another £300 on make up she’ll use a couple of times. Tbh I half think she told me she wanted nothing for Christmas to go out and blow the budget near the time. 1/2 gifts doesn’t really make a great IG post. Virtual lunch with in-laws later well that’s going to be awkward lol. 

Not going to pretend otherwise I’ve been just as into the lifestyle stuff in the past and need to buy a lot of makeup to add up to what I’ve spent on cars I’ve always been bad for that and houses. 

She is serious about me sorting this tbf - she 100 doesn’t want our lifestyle to get any worse than it is right now and does understand that’s where it’ll go just carrying on down the same road. Managed to negotiate a £150/m makeup/ skin budget from me though I must be a !!!!!! mug haha.

My wife spoils our son in someways and yeah I agree he shouldn’t be getting angry about some of the stuff he does. Crossed my mind yesterday maybe he got his certificate at school for kindness because I they were surprised and I’m just deluded he’s better in that respect than I am. Whoever said gets his entitlement from me yeah probably true but I’m 100 not having him grow up punching people. Definitely want better for him than getting wrapped up in image and feeling the need to spend everything he works for and more continually to level up too. Doesn’t bring any level of fulfilment, always another level to spend the banks’ money on, just a load of unnecessary stress and feeling like !!!!!! about yourself. 

ladyholly

My apologies to relieved shaff as my last post looks as though it is all a quote not just the first line.
Thats what happens when you are not tech minded. 

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

Boxing Day morning no hangover and sat sorting the finances out for coming month haha. Budget reset day but not going anywhere to spend any money so no spends. 

Wife has always thought she can pull any man she sets her eyes on and both she and her family think she could do a lot better. Probably could idk I’m not exactly winning. The IG stuff really !!!!!! annoying me tbh. This morning doing December make up haul posts another £300 on make up she’ll use a couple of times. Tbh I half think she told me she wanted nothing for Christmas to go out and blow the budget near the time. 1/2 gifts doesn’t really make a great IG post. Virtual lunch with in-laws later well that’s going to be awkward lol. 

Not going to pretend otherwise I’ve been just as into the lifestyle stuff in the past and need to buy a lot of makeup to add up to what I’ve spent on cars I’ve always been bad for that and houses. 

She is serious about me sorting this tbf - she 100 doesn’t want our lifestyle to get any worse than it is right now and does understand that’s where it’ll go just carrying on down the same road. Managed to negotiate a £150/m makeup/ skin budget from me though I must be a !!!!!! mug haha.

My wife spoils our son in someways and yeah I agree he shouldn’t be getting angry about some of the stuff he does. Crossed my mind yesterday maybe he got his certificate at school for kindness because I they were surprised and I’m just deluded he’s better in that respect than I am. Whoever said gets his entitlement from me yeah probably true but I’m 100 not having him grow up punching people. Definitely want better for him than getting wrapped up in image and feeling the need to spend everything he works for and more continually to level up too. Doesn’t bring any level of fulfilment, always another level to spend the banks’ money on, just a load of unnecessary stress and feeling like !!!!!! about yourself. 

Both she and her family are deluded mate. Sorry but she sounds horrible. £150/month on make up is outrageous, what a waste

Thats more than 10% of your budget for the next 6 months.

No way is she serious about the lifestyle changes. She needs to get on the same page as you mindset wise. Otherwise once the debt is finally gone she’ll rack it up again as she’ll expect a return to the previous frivolity. £30k debt and she thinks it’s ok to rinse £1500 without consulting you and considers £150/month on make up as reasonable...she’s living in cuckoo land. She’ll start following conspiracy theories next and claiming corona is a hoax because she saw it on Instagram...

She’s just worried about her meal ticket disappearing, that’s the only reason she is in anyway getting on board with this...

I think I’d be driven to substance abuse living with her tbh, the anxiety must be crippling at times from living with a spoiled brat...

Willowtree222

Your wife is deluded. Pulling and keeping are two very different things. 
She wants to make it better but does all of that? Her actions don't match her words. £150 on makeup and skincare is a least half her budget. 
They think she can do better? I think all of us on here think you can do better. 

My husband when I started this journey was the same. Full of how he wanted to be better and how he wanted to make it work and then he'd still continue living his spending life. After we separated (different reason) it made it clearer how much better I could manage my finances. Not saying you two will separate but if she doesn't start acting like she's on a budget, you'll get a lot of conflict. 
I think you spending more time with your son will be good. Show him your values and those morals you've got underneath. I'm sure he'll love being with you and he'll soon get to see another set of what is acceptable. 

dawnybabes

£150 a month is £1800 a year - a holiday ! Why can’t she use what she’s got - does she need more stuff ? Is anyone actually going anywhere at the min ? 

warby68

Absolutely to the posts about your son. My 2 are boys, I'm 5'3" on a good day, them rugby playing, 6' plus. Seen rage only a couple of times between them as brothers. I only have to step between and they back off. It has to start early to get that respect for your position not your size. My disappointment carries a lot of weight. You have to be like a referee with no dissent allowed. 
A hormonal boy with no anger management is not a good thing. 
As usual @enthusiasticsaver has a practical offering for this.
You are right, the punching is a very big deal. You owe it to him to guide him, especially if your wife won't.

enthusiasticsaver

alt80 said:

Boxing Day morning no hangover and sat sorting the finances out for coming month haha. Budget reset day but not going anywhere to spend any money so no spends. 

Wife has always thought she can pull any man she sets her eyes on and both she and her family think she could do a lot better. Probably could idk I’m not exactly winning. The IG stuff really !!!!!! annoying me tbh. This morning doing December make up haul posts another £300 on make up she’ll use a couple of times. Tbh I half think she told me she wanted nothing for Christmas to go out and blow the budget near the time. 1/2 gifts doesn’t really make a great IG post. Virtual lunch with in-laws later well that’s going to be awkward lol. 

Not going to pretend otherwise I’ve been just as into the lifestyle stuff in the past and need to buy a lot of makeup to add up to what I’ve spent on cars I’ve always been bad for that and houses. 

She is serious about me sorting this tbf - she 100 doesn’t want our lifestyle to get any worse than it is right now and does understand that’s where it’ll go just carrying on down the same road. Managed to negotiate a £150/m makeup/ skin budget from me though I must be a !!!!!! mug haha.

My wife spoils our son in someways and yeah I agree he shouldn’t be getting angry about some of the stuff he does. Crossed my mind yesterday maybe he got his certificate at school for kindness because I they were surprised and I’m just deluded he’s better in that respect than I am. Whoever said gets his entitlement from me yeah probably true but I’m 100 not having him grow up punching people. Definitely want better for him than getting wrapped up in image and feeling the need to spend everything he works for and more continually to level up too. Doesn’t bring any level of fulfilment, always another level to spend the banks’ money on, just a load of unnecessary stress and feeling like !!!!!! about yourself. 

I think that given your earnings are way above average, you have a BTL portfolio, your own business and a nice house and 2 cars you are winning. You really have to stop putting yourself down or think you are unworthy of your wife who sounds a bit like a pampered spoilt superficial princess from your recent posts. Her values are damaging to your son as I have said in previous posts. IG photos aren't real life, spending hundreds of pounds on make up to make someone beautiful on the outside doesn't cover up the fact that someone is rotten on the inside. I am not saying this is your wife, I don't know her after all but some of the comments she has made both to you and your son reflect really badly on her. Your son will grow up expecting things to just fall in his lap and thinking he is better than other less fortunate children. He leads a privileged life but with privilege comes a responsibility to all of us who lead a comfortable life to realise there are millions out there who barely have enough money to cover food or fuel for warmth or a roof over their head so throwing tantrums over poor children being given toys or not being given everything he wants immediately is unacceptable and will lead to a selfish entitled adult who will never be satisfied. 

Well done for taking a stand to his behaviour and punishing him. I would say though that Christmas can bring out the worst in young children so I don't expect that yesterday's behaviour is typical of him all the time. 

Purplelady65

Is the £150 budget a month to buy make-up and toiletries or does it include visits for beauty treatments as well? If it’s to buy products I really don’t know how your wife would be able to use £150 worth in a month. I buy high end makeup and skin care which I use every day and it lasts for ages. For example, one single eyeshadow (not a palette) will easily last 3 months. 

Re the obsession with professional footballers maybe you could suggest to  your wife that she does some voluntary work and supports the Marcus Rashford campaign of feeding families on low incomes. Maybe volunteering at a food bank will make her realise how fortunate she is and also have a bit more compassion for those less fortunate. 
Re the budget reset I think you’re working to a budget of £1250 variable spends? That figure on its own sounds a decent amount but once you’ve deducted food and petrol then there isn’t  much wriggle room for lavish spending. I can’t remember the exact amounts for food and petrol but it’s a big chunk of the money. I’m wondering if you set aside the food and petrol money separately and then say to your wife there’s £x for variable spending it might make her a bit more mindful around the spending? 

amanda_p

Your wife maybe on board to get rid of your CC debt, but it appears she wants you to do the cutting back and she carries on spending to fund her IG lifestyle. As long as she is not affected life carries on as normal. £150 per month on make up is obscene.Tell her to use up what she has before you budget for anymore.
Well done for repremanding your son, this is the same son who apart from lots of presents also got a £750 I pad and even this is not enough. I feel, alas ,he could be heading down the same road as your wife and is most definitely picking up on the entitlement gene, this needs to be nipped in the bud before it spirals out of control as he gets older.
Life is not about ridiculous air heads on Instagram,it is about carving out a life for yourself. If your wife doesn't work ,a voluntary job in a local food bank might help her realise what she has got and be thankful for the life you are providing for her.
When you first started this thread it sounded like you were always in the wrong,wanting better and bigger things. But on reflection, you have come far and I fear your lack of self esteem and never being good enough may have come from how your wife perceives you, always wanting more, to look good to others on social media.
This is something you need to address otherwise once the debt is gone it will be back to her ridiculous spending on 'stuff'. 
You should be proud of your achievements and also proud of your reactions regarding your wife's excessive Christmas spending. Many a lesser mortal would not have been as rational as you! Good luck in moving forwards.