First Steps to Solvency

enthusiasticsaver

Well done on the cooking and yes your wife sounds really immature on the premiership footballer comment (what cloud does she live on?) and the IG facade.  I think the comments about you needing to earn more and she could do better are really nasty and this cannot help your own self esteem.  She seems to live in a bit of an alternative universe which is not surprising as she has been protected from real life by not having to work and living a WAG lifestyle with the IG rubbish.  At the moment she is your weakest link in terms of sorting out your budget and the debt so I would keep her on a really tight leash when it comes to money especially after the Christmas Eve spends. 

  I am also pleased you told your FIL that your wife was responsible for the spending and do not feel you have to protect her as she is acting like an idiot and allowing your son to punch her because he did not get a particular present is not at all ok.  Your PIL may in fact be your allies in keeping your wife in check with the spending. Keeping your cool is admirable under the circumstances and it sounds like you got a nice gift from your PIL.  I do think you need to watch these bad habits with your son and actually think that you should be more worried about your wifes  influence  on him than yours. 

I hope that you manage to keep on track over 2021 and things will look a lot different once the cards are gone and you are sorted car wise.  I think I would be that cross with your wife I would be sending her car back in February and not getting a replacement unless one is needed to take your son to school. She doesn't work and from the sound of it spends her day doing keep fit or shopping for make up so doesn't need a car for that. 

Legs21

Well done on keeping your cool when you’ve had multiple reasons to lose it today.
With regards to your wife and her comments re footballer, deep as a puddle springs to mind and I think she is just playing on your insecurities as you’ve said on here multiple times that your wife walking out would tear you to pieces. Tbh I don’t think ‘gold digging piece of arm candy’ is the top quality trait for any footballers potential partners list of ‘must haves’. Most WAGS have successful careers of their own outside of their husbands celebrity status, plus your wife is probably a bit ‘old’ for most of the single Premier footballers now. 

Hopefully FIL will start to see his princess in a different light and may start to question her spends and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t see IG as a valid reason to buy extravagant unnecessary purchases.

2021 is going to be a massive learning curve for you with money and your mental health and I have every confidence you’ll make great strides with both. You’ve come so far already and need to continue with the momentum through the next year. Don’t forget to check through any unwanted/not needed subscriptions as these sneaky little beggars can add up. 

ladyholly

Well done for keeping your cool today. If I had made that comment to my husband he would have told me very quickly to go and find one. Your son must not be allowed to get away with punching your wife or anyone else.  You did the right thing in sending him to bed. 

Willowtree222

Morning,
Glad the dinner went well. 
Does your wife think a premeriship football would be interested in her long term and support her lifestyle? She lives in cuckoo land. I've known a few and their flitting between bedsheets more often than a bed bug. Not all of them granted but she doesn't live on the planet. 
I would be worried too about her spending. I'd definitely lower her credit limit if you can. That way you know she isn't going to have a spending spree. 
I'd also be careful she doesn't go out and buy the camera thing you son wants. If he's punching her now at 7 when he's angry because he hasn't got something you're in line for more of the same. 
We're all with you on this journey over the next however long. Already you're viewing things differently and a lot more clearly. 
Have a lovely boxing day 

warby68

Your day might have been mixed and your wife appalling (sorry) but you have done brilliantly.
She isn't the only one who might think there is someone out there better suited to their needs.
Please don't let her convince you that you deserve such treatment and are not good enough for her because of your own past behaviour. Two wrongs most certainly don't make a right.
You will have a lot of deep thinking to do in 2021 with your much clearer head - what you have revealed about your wife in the last week makes her very firmly your Achilles heel, emotionally and financially. I am another who thinks you need to worry more about her influence on your son than your own. 
Whatever 'bargain' you made with each other to start with doesn't have to stay the same when you have changed/matured and have different priorities.
You've shown her in a very different light and I now wonder how much of your former lifestyle craving is down to her demons rather than your own.
I am so pleased you did not take the blame for her spending with the inlaws.
Anyway for now, hope you have a restful break from work and just concentrate on your own well being for a few days, and perhaps teaching your son a few things. Your wife, for whatever reason, is trying to undermine you - perhaps she is scared too by your recent achievements and that a new confident, secure, healthy and astute you will decide to show her the door rather than other way round. At first you really needed her but now you are achieving things because you can and you want to - or so it seems. 
Wishing you a few peaceful days and a year of positive change for 2021.

ryanm8655

warby68 said:

Your day might have been mixed and your wife appalling (sorry) but you have done brilliantly.
She isn't the only one who might think there is someone out there better suited to their needs.
Please don't let her convince you that you deserve such treatment and are not good enough for her because of your own past behaviour. Two wrongs most certainly don't make a right.
You will have a lot of deep thinking to do in 2021 with your much clearer head - what you have revealed about your wife in the last week makes her very firmly your Achilles heel, emotionally and financially. I am another who thinks you need to worry more about her influence on your son than your own. 
Whatever 'bargain' you made with each other to start with doesn't have to stay the same when you have changed/matured and have different priorities.
You've shown her in a very different light and I now wonder how much of your former lifestyle craving is down to her demons rather than your own.
I am so pleased you did not take the blame for her spending with the inlaws.
Anyway for now, hope you have a restful break from work and just concentrate on your own well being for a few days, and perhaps teaching your son a few things. Your wife, for whatever reason, is trying to undermine you - perhaps she is scared too by your recent achievements and that a new confident, secure, healthy and astute you will decide to show her the door rather than other way round. At first you really needed her but now you are achieving things because you can and you want to - or so it seems. 
Wishing you a few peaceful days and a year of positive change for 2021.

I was actually going to post similar.

Reading all of these posts has got me thinking about whether it is in fact your wife driving a lot of the underlying problems you have, rather than the other way around. I’m very similar to you in that I always blame myself. Counselling actually led to me reevaluating the relationship I was in and how I was made to feel. I’d always blamed it on myself but actually realised the other party was driving a lot of my anxieties and insecurities with the way they treated me, it wasn’t something I deserved or caused myself. It actually sounds a bit like your wife’s insecurities lead to her being pretty horrible to you, making comments to make you feel crap, judging what you eat, the exercise etc. And her Instagram obsession is just toxic. She didn’t buy you anything but bought herself a load of stuff so that she could show off on Instagram. That’s basically saying she values how she appears on instagram above you. She doesn’t sound very nice. You’re actually a really nice bloke and seem to have great values deep down. Appreciate she is the mother of your child so I apologise for being matter of fact about it but I genuinely think you could do better than that, not her...the fact you have undergone such a dramatic change in mindset also makes me wonder if a lot of your materialism and valuing yourself by what you have is actually driven by her, if not then it is certainly exacerbated by your wife’s issues. There is no doubt she is exactly like that...

Personally I’d be making her get a job, perhaps at your local football club as a cleaner to knock her back down to earth.

I also can’t help chuckle at the irony of her turning down lavish gifts from you and shaming you into taking them back, while then blowing the money you earn on a load of lavish gifts so that she can make some bs post on Instagram...as if the money doesn’t come from the same pot, the pot you fill...it’s mental

RelievedSheff

Good Morning Alt80. 

I hope you have a better day today and that your wife has had time to reflect on what a complete idiot she was yesterday. 

ladyholly

RelievedSheff said:

I hope you have a better day today and that your wife has had time to reflect on what a complete idiot she was yesterday.

The trouble is I suspect she doesnt see anytghing wrong in what she has done or said. My worry is what messages she is passing on to your son. He is already having temper tantrums and using physical violence because he hasnt got what he wants. At 7 the violence can be contained but what happens when he is 15 and has the size and strength of a young man. One way or another you have to make her see that his behaviour is unacceptable as is hers and if you want my opinion which you no doubt dont stop making excuses for her and definitely no more spoiling she is an adult woman with responsibilties not a little princess to be pampered.

Four_Seasons

I totally agree!  You are worth so much more ok you have made mistakes, haven't we all but you have acknowledged them and are working hard to rectify them.  I hope you have a better day today and wish you all the very best for 2021.

enthusiasticsaver

A 7 year old punching his mum is worrying and in light of your comments about his behaviour the other day at the Christmas fundraiser I would certainly be talking to him.  There is a book for young children which I got for my DGD1 called Tiger has a tantrum which talks about feelings of anger and is great to give kids the opportunity to talk about their feelings and how to manage them.  She is only 5 and does not get physically angry but can get frustrated and lash out at her sister but  getting kids talking about how to manage their feelings is helpful and as you have had anger management problems in the past it may be worth taking a look at it or getting it out of the library and using it as a talking point with your son.   It is part of a series of books called behaviour matters and my son in law who is a social worker asked me to get it for her as a stocking filler present and I tend to get the DGDs a few books in addition to their main present.