First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Variable spends: £1300/1550.

Range Rover filled and wife been in JL bought some CT palette lol prob makes up for lack of £550 Apple headphones.

Been shut in the office all day and evening. Least had a change of scenery with going to office office before dinner. Had dinner with family but that was it today for the family time. Son finishes for Christmas tomorrow I think. Was going to do pick up with wife but plenty I want to work through probably just going to get through it and have the break next week as planned. Hate the forced time off, my mind not budging on that not look forward to next week one bit, always have massive levels of stress leading up to time off and work stupid hours, drink too much. Know the pattern lol but can’t break it, can’t let go think is half the problem. Idly wondered if I spend more at the weekend too when I’ve been under sleeping and over working - not sure. Definitely drink a lot more. Finishing work 10pm too drained to do anything else and not a lot else to do to relax that time really. Wife hates it when I work 12 hour days then get straight on the booze. Probably not the best company tbf, can’t switch off. Not had a drink in ages, said I wouldn’t until Friday but tonight sunk 3 glasses of red and a couple of whiskies tbf started 8pm still working lol. Feeling a little bit drunk tbh and wife not overly impressed either.

Massive headache this evening too probably 100 related to the coffee - actually bothered counting it today. GP says I need to start cutting it down to 4/5 cups Max probably not the 3 shot ones either ha. Know it’s another bad habit without GP telling me tbf managed to cut it right back to 2/3 a day a while back but its got worse with the lack of sleep. Ended on 6 3 shot coffees and 3 2 shot coffees today FML no wonder I’m wired. Definitely time to give the decaf beans a go I think, still want to enjoy coffee but not helping sleep or the physical complaints I have sometimes either drinking the amount of it that I do.

Could be haze of booze but thinking this sort of behaviour probably gets me in debt just get to the point of thinking !!!!!! it and spend. Looked briefly at cars not seriously but just gets me down, should just avoid altogether I think.

@Nicnak she has cut back somewhat but still buying stuff only up to £50ish each time tbh just make up/ skincare stuff how much stuff women need of that type of thing amazes me tbh lol. 

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

Variable spends: £1300/1550.

Range Rover filled and wife been in JL bought some CT palette lol prob makes up for lack of £550 Apple headphones.

Been shut in the office all day and evening. Least had a change of scenery with going to office office before dinner. Had dinner with family but that was it today for the family time. Son finishes for Christmas tomorrow I think. Was going to do pick up with wife but plenty I want to work through probably just going to get through it and have the break next week as planned. Hate the forced time off, my mind not budging on that not look forward to next week one bit, always have massive levels of stress leading up to time off and work stupid hours, drink too much. Know the pattern lol but can’t break it, can’t let go think is half the problem. Idly wondered if I spend more at the weekend too when I’ve been under sleeping and over working - not sure. Definitely drink a lot more. Finishing work 10pm too drained to do anything else and not a lot else to do to relax that time really. Wife hates it when I work 12 hour days then get straight on the booze. Probably not the best company tbf, can’t switch off. Not had a drink in ages, said I wouldn’t until Friday but tonight sunk 3 glasses of red and a couple of whiskies tbf started 8pm still working lol. Feeling a little bit drunk tbh and wife not overly impressed either.

Massive headache this evening too probably 100 related to the coffee - actually bothered counting it today. GP says I need to start cutting it down to 4/5 cups Max probably not the 3 shot ones either ha. Know it’s another bad habit without GP telling me tbf managed to cut it right back to 2/3 a day a while back but its got worse with the lack of sleep. Ended on 6 3 shot coffees and 3 2 shot coffees today FML no wonder I’m wired. Definitely time to give the decaf beans a go I think, still want to enjoy coffee but not helping sleep or the physical complaints I have sometimes either drinking the amount of it that I do.

Could be haze of booze but thinking this sort of behaviour probably gets me in debt just get to the point of thinking !!!!!! it and spend. Looked briefly at cars not seriously but just gets me down, should just avoid altogether I think.

@Nicnak she has cut back somewhat but still buying stuff only up to £50ish each time tbh just make up/ skincare stuff how much stuff women need of that type of thing amazes me tbh lol. 

Can understand the drinking, you are stressed. I’ve found with drinking less of late I no longer have that urge to carry on and I just get sleepy after a few and crash. Maybe give dry jan a bash or something for a bit of a reset?

Decaf beans a good shout. Still taste good and should get a bit of placebo. I was drinking a lot of coffee just out of habit tbh. I actually find when I’m hanging it makes me worse as soon as the effect wears off. Used to have about 10 in a day at work when I was hanging but actually found I functioned better without it at times. A mate has just given up coffee, says the withdrawal is horrendous. But if you can switch to decaf after lunch or something then that might help.

Agreed re drinking being a potential driver. Inhibitions lower, end up doing stupid things. Then the hangover the next day spending to feel better. I do the same. Recognising it is a big help. If you can change the behaviour then hopefully that’ll break that cycle of association. 

Re: wife I guess it’s tough on her too, so can understand why she might be driven to spend. I would day it needs to come out of nails fund and if she wants to spend more then she needs to earn more. Or you allocate her some spending money in the budget...

alt80

@ryanm8655 ha the wife wants me on the dry jan. I was thinking about it tbh always a few staff on it too. Do sound like a massive drinker on here, don't really think I am really though after a couple did think about the other stuff. Should have just had a sniff of the Tom Ford TL lol. 

Coffee definitely a habit but also really enjoy it so no desire to give it up, probably just have a go at decaf after lunch.

Get in self destructive pattern every time got time off coming up/ happening. Not even sure it's a workload thing tbh spend a lot of time just getting stuff done, could wait type stuff/ planning etc. Earlier was in the mood to do an allnighter super productive 30mins at about 9pm. 

I'm the problem re spending know that not her. She likes to buy stuff but bit of makeup type stuff not going to break the bank. Would love her to find the drive to earn but just not her it is what it is - son doesn't need two of me. 

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

@ryanm8655 ha the wife wants me on the dry jan. I was thinking about it tbh always a few staff on it too. Do sound like a massive drinker on here, don't really think I am really though after a couple did think about the other stuff. Should have just had a sniff of the Tom Ford TL lol. 

Coffee definitely a habit but also really enjoy it so no desire to give it up, probably just have a go at decaf after lunch.

Get in self destructive pattern every time got time off coming up/ happening. Not even sure it's a workload thing tbh spend a lot of time just getting stuff done, could wait type stuff/ planning etc. Earlier was in the mood to do an allnighter super productive 30mins at about 9pm. 

I'm the problem re spending know that not her. She likes to buy stuff but bit of makeup type stuff not going to break the bank. Would love her to find the drive to earn but just not her it is what it is - son doesn't need two of me. 

Lol at Tuscan leather. I think that after a while you won’t get those cravings anymore. Just need to battle through it and also consider the consequences ha. After a while you won’t think about it so much.

That makes sense re: self destructive. I’ve had the same in the past and also have it a little bit right now. Annoyed by family and work not that busy so nothing to distract me. Now thinking !!!!!! am I going to do all weekend when I don’t particularly want to be home. Options are limited ha. So sort of feel like being self destructive and getting drunk to ignore all the bs going on. Even this evening I had the thought but went to the gym instead.

Got a virtual work Xmas do, that’s going to be joyous. Maybe I’m allowed to get !!!!!! at that

alt80

Hoping not tbh mate half think its so bad because I've made the decision to quit for good, no going back but want it more than ever typical want what I can't have. Didn't have a decent goodbye even last time was genuinely !!!!!! and so !!!!!! paranoid anxiety was through the roof. Got a bit too often, too much of a good thing not anymore though. Come to realise consequences not worth it for me and does me no favours whatsoever chat even more !!!!!! than I usually do and need to face up to not being 25 anymore haha. 100 don't want son growing up with it or wife dealing with me on it either. Tbh actually want to stop it for me too. Facing up to my stupidity with money made me realise some of the other self destructive stuff I somehow justified as just about ok. Still earned well, all fine in my head if money being made, mental I know. Not gonna lie real wake up call for spending wasn't actually spending related.

You're a better man than me for putting up with family how they're treating you. No way could I have stuck that for over a year, probably wouldn't have lasted a week tbh. 

FML I've not done a virtual Xmas do talked about it and decided to have a summer bash and a Christmas one next year. Virtual one just complete cringe. I'd probably get wasted if I were you then regret it tbh not worth it though and especially your line of work can't imagine it'd go down well. Mine, don't even doubt we'd all be !!!!!!. 

Willowtree222

I couldn't imagine a virtual Christmas do. I think it would be embarrassing for a lot. 
I don't spend £50 a year on makeup but I've never been into it. I know you think the spending is just you, but £50 here and there also mounts up and could knock a few months off if it's cut back too. I don't mean not have anything but reduce it by half. 
The balance is yours to find with you and your wife. It takes time and sure you'll both work at it. It's always easy for us to read and comment when we're not in the situation.
Could you try the no dry Jan and see how you get on? 
I always find alcohol disrupts my sleep as well as coffee. 

warby68

I think I said this last time you took a complete break from work. At the moment, I think for you it would be better if you kept your hand in. I understand why wife wants it but work is the single thing that keeps you sanest. I think a couple of hours a day or a few half days over the season would do more good than harm if you could have a chat to her and agree it. Be clear its not escape like before, its managing your stress and downers in a deliberate way.
Her still spending is a tough one - if she only spent a fraction of the damage before and its all relatively small, I can see why she thinks her 'punishment' shouldn't be the same as yours. Even so I expect she's buying for the act of buying not because of a need for something. I'd go for a smallish spending allowance (for both of you actually) sooner rather than later out of your total disposable. Not scrutinising every penny the other spends could be useful too. She can 'save' for the headphones or fritter a bit every week. Its a better habit for the long run than forcing yourself to nothing and forever risking a binge from feeling deprived. Another balance issue for you to work out.
What you really don't need with a tight budget is unpredictable spends either, much better to count the allowances as gone from Day 1 of the budget. Thinking you're doing ok then losing £100 near the end on makeup will carry on being annoying.
I'm a coffee addict - I just adjusted to easing off afternoon onwards. 3 shots won't help though either !! As always you like everything fully loaded lol.
I ducked our team virtual do. Had a genuine reason but wasn't sorry because of the cringe factor. I think I'm all Zoomed out.

RelievedSheff

We switched to decaff coffee a few years back and we both sleep much better for it and we never drank loads of coffee to begin with.

JGB1955

Thought of you @alt80 when I unsubscribed to the JL carp email they have just sent me....  I REALLY don't need or want their products. Happy Christmas!

alt80

Not been very well, rubbish nights sleep ha no surprises there. Spent a bit of time working this morning but decided to say !!!!!! it and spend some time with family this afternoon - son break up day. Not everyday your 7 year old breaks up for Xmas lol so spent the afternoon doing pick up with wife, nice walk and a silly hot chocolate for son, Xmas coffee for wife and I. Shared a big cookie too. Really nice afternoon in the end I've always missed out on this stuff or had some excuse. Honestly enjoyed this afternoon more than spending on stuff for me. Had a moment watching son play with dog realised I'm incredibly lucky to have kept my family through all the stuff I've done. 100 need to keep working on the debt and family time. More time I spend with wife and son less I want to do self destructive stuff tbh. I love my business and making something of it but what's it for if no one to enjoy the rewards of it with? Probably sounds a bit simple and might be in debt but know I'm lucky to be picking son up from a school we chose rather than our LA, nice car that does anything we could ever ask of it and more, time my own - still need to work hard but don't need to ask for time off, nice home to come back to. Could be a whole lot worse, definitely would have been had I carried on down the self destructive road.

@Nicnak she loves the make up etc. Definitely agree about it cutting off a couple of months over the term maybe I just don't want that battle right now. She's serious about us getting out of this mess and has made sacrifices too tbh. 

Think I'll give dry jan a go would please wife and as I said always a few staff doing it. Will draw the line at the vegan month FML always one staff does that.

@warby68 Not the only one 'zoomed out'. 100 can't wait for a proper face to face team meeting. Miss the office buzzing like mad tbh.

Re work that was my plan then wife giving me grief with 'it's christmas' etc etc tbf she sees it as me wanting to escape, not spend time with family. Not the case but I've been like that for so long I get why she thinks as she does.

Definitely re her spending - it's something to do ha. Total disposable is the £1550 at the moment but need to buy the food/ petrol out of that also. Everything is accounted for including contributions for sinking fund/ hols/ presents/ insurances etc etc as well as the debt payments. It is a !!!!!! amount for disposable when I earn what I do granted but actually feel more positive than I ever have done about personal finances - can see a way to pay for all the annual expenses / bit of unforeseen / actually paying the debts down and not having stress about paying for son's school - that used to play on my mind a lot. I know this sounds mad and shouldn't have taken me to 40 to work this out but as much as I complain never felt so in control of the personal finances tbh. Personally not bothered about ringfencing a small amount for personal spends when I spend I spend well. £100 or whatever would last all about 2 months being sensible before I thought !!!!!! it and had a massive binge. Don't need the temptation at all. Possibly would work for her - I think I'll ask her do need some kind of control over it and get what you mean about not scrutinising it. If she agrees I'll tell her to put her spends on a different card and just clear it each month - I'm not looking through it then.

Ha yeah full fat and fully loaded that's definitely me. Cut back today tbf (4 2 shot, 1 3 shot told wife she can take it off me if I make another today lol) Also have been in Sainsburys bought some decaf beans lol. Wife thinks its hilarious. Had a 3 shot in Starbucks though, don't help myself lol. Spend so much there get the free extra shot etc wife ask me why I ordered it. Tell her I'm not missing out on a free extra shot of coffee, her response great free heart palpitations !!!!!! winning there mate haha. 

@RelievedSheff my plan over christmas try to get better sleep habit, hopefully the decaf will help a bit.