First Steps to Solvency

enthusiasticsaver

Nothing wrong with having something to aim for so if an XJS or AM is something you want in the future it will be entirely achievable once you have got rid of the debt and sorted out the RR.  I think given that you only have the one income it is entirely reasonable to say to your wife that she has to rein in her spending too even if generally you are the one who has ramped up the spends in the past and of course your cars are the prime reason for the debt but equally you are also paying for private schooling which is a joint decision.  A personal allowance for spends for both of you could be the way to go.  That is what we do.  DH spends more than me on his hobbies so he gets £300 and I take £200. That is just to cover personal entertainment (not joint), clothes, hair and beauty for me and hobbies for us both. We try to keep joint entertainment including meals out to £300-£400 a month. 
Glad you resisted the watch as you sold some a few months back didn't you? 

theoretica

The watch was nearly 1/4 of the AM - as well as not yet having the money, it may be worth reminding yourself you don't want it 1/4 as much.

ryanm8655

I know what you mean re: looking at watches and cars. I still do it now, albeit I’m looking at older cars and cheaper watches ha. The thing that’s changed is I get this sort of mental check kick in and have no urge to buy it, just happy to browse and think this is what I’ll get when I get my !!!!!! together. Seems like you are almost at that point. I need to get on the property ladder before I even contemplate that stuff. 

Not that I’m wanting to reenforce your bad habits but if you do ever buy a watch I generally find chrono24 really expensive. I usually get them on eBay (as long as you know your watches you don’t need to worry about it being fake and if a fake arrives you’re covered). I’ve managed to get a few great deals haggling on eBay. Even drove down to Devon to pick one up way back when I had my £8k interest free loan from EY, actually turned a decent profit on that even with the drive to Devon (paid £1500 for a planet ocean back in 2013 and sold for £1900 after wearing it daily for a couple of years). Also picked up a 2002 omega speedmaster Schumacher special edition for £850 that I sold for £1100 (though they’re £2k+ now fml). But then I bought a breitling from a jeweller (my first decent watch) as a graduation present to myself, which lost me the profit and more when I sold it when I got bored of it ha.

alt80

@enthusiasticsaver 100 true, very frustrating paying for yesterday's spends from tomorrow's income. Tomorrow arrived and still paying for yesterday ha. Easy to just carry on spending tomorrow's money tbh or have to go through payback phase like I am now - clearing yesterday's spends and having nothing for present / immediate future. Anger slowly subsiding about it but that's in essence why I was so angry tbh,

Not sure I can place the blame for the debt on one thing alone, many many years of spending tomorrow's money believing the business will always grow and tomorrow's income higher than today's. Things are good business wise, seeing ways forward and focusing more on growth than screwing as much cash as possible. No idea why but more relaxed about it before I was absolutely desperate to see a net 5 figure/ m income, today still want it to happen but acknowledged I shouldn't be really struggling to get by on almost £8k/m. 

I did sell two watches, gave me a massive boost on the debt wish I had more where they came from lol. No massive ticket items left really. Wife did mention I could sell my submariner too, really don't want to though. Probably sounds ridiculous and you probably think I should sell it but I've had it 14 years, worn everyday and just can't part with it. We have £4k worth of stuff in total for sale now and over Christmas one job to see if we can find other bits, not going to be big numbers I know - no magic money trees left in this house.

@theoretica Trying to look at things this way too. When I bought my submariner actually had similar thoughts weighing up whether to get it or a datejust - was a really big purchase when I bought it and no way I could have had the two which I wanted - submariner for everyday, datejust for bit smarter meetings/ dates/ black tie etc. so weighed up which I wanted the most went back and forth to the shop 3 times looking like a total !!!!!! timewaster haha but pleased with decision - need to be more like that about things. When I logged off from site thought I don't have the money etc spending on credit just making things worse for myself. Not gonna lie went down the negative thought path for a few minutes about not being able to afford to buy stuff but put the counselling to use, came out of it without the massive downer that usually follows these type of thoughts. Long been obsessed thinking can't afford = bad at business then embarrassed I'm not doing well for myself. Realised thats 100 not helping me personally or ironically in business either.

alt80

@ryanm8655 I'm starting to step away just think that's 1/2 way to another unit lol. Even the AM that's 2 units / 1 decent hmo in a prime spot. Wife thinks that's mental too told me one day I'll have to decide I've got enough property. Right now no number enough for me lol. Don't ask me why but she's actually told me she'd rather I bought an AM when debt free than put the surplus income into more units 100 no logic to that whatsoever.

Ha don't need tips to spend money mate lol. Though you have made me wonder if any margin buying on ebay, wearing for a bit and selling on chrono24? Get a free year maybe turn a little profit for next or something idk thinking out loud trade my way to the Patek haha. I've only ever bought watches new in the past tbh and kept but plenty I'd be interested in owning for a bit. Half my problem in the past everything had to be brand new apart from my res home ok with a building site there, probably because I can see the profit to be made haha. Doesn't get old coming back to somewhere complete and fitted how we want even if it did cost a fortune and I'm conflicted about it, wasn't just done to make a few quid. Home rather than a house and all that, must be getting !!!!!! sentimental in my old age ha.

Willowtree222

Old age! 
If you get a decent watch they can hold their value or increase but you've got to be selective as you know. Doesn't always work out.
We all have goals so your AM goal isn't unrealistic. There's a real chance that you can have it in a few years. 
How different of you to put your phone away and not buy. If you had, the guilt of buying would have been as strong as the feeling of not being able to. 
Abstinence can be good but he careful you don't go all out on a spending spree. It might work for you and I hope it does.

Your weekend sounds quiet and cheap! Just exactly what you need. Next month is a longer month but sure you can do it. If it covers fuel you might need to up your budget to account for the extra week. 
No tips re the sleep. I'm not sure I've found anything that totally works. 

Purplelady65

Wife did mention I could sell my submariner too, really don't want to though. Probably sounds ridiculous and you probably think I should sell it but I've had it 14 years, worn everyday and just can't part with it. 

If you’ve worn your watch every day for 14 years then you obviously really like it and enjoy wearing it so not sure what the benefit would be of selling it. Yes, you would raise some money to put towards your debts but you would probably miss it, regret selling it and then end up spending money on a new watch you might not value as much. 

There has been a big shift in your posts in the last couple of weeks - more measured, less negative emotions and more accepting of your situation and the overspending that’s resulted in the situation you now find yourself in. You really have come such a long way in such a short time and should really give yourself some credit for that. 

Purplelady65

@enthusiasticsaver A personal allowance for spends for both of you could be the way to go.  That is what we do.  DH spends more than me on his hobbies so he gets £300 and I take £200. That is just to cover personal entertainment (not joint), clothes, hair and beauty for me and hobbies for us both. We try to keep joint entertainment including meals out to £300-£400 a month. 

We have been doing something similar for about the last 8 years or so and it’s been one of the best things we’ve done. We both have £250 each for personal spends which is transferred from the joint account to our solo accounts each month. For me it covers clothes, shoes, make up, hair, meals, coffees out with friends etc so basically anything we do on our own then anything we do together - meals or drinks out, theatre, cinema, music gigs etc come out of the joint account. As my husband isn’t that interested in clothes and spends very little on hair cuts compared to what I spend it saves the ‘How much?’ Or ‘That’s a waste of money!’ Comments!  

alt80

Variable spends: £1330/1550.

No big spends planned for the weekend. The big day this time next week. Spoke to my in-laws tonight they're def not chill about me cooking Christmas Day haha. Boxing Day MIL doing a roast gammon - she's bringing the food and taking over my kitchen lol. We usually buy all the food in so a bit embarrassing 100 they felt the need to contribute because they know about my financial situation. Usually a fair few more people come for Christmas as at least some of wife's siblings and their families come but just us and the in-laws this year. Sort of pleased not going to lie I'm on edge not seen them since before lockdown 2, have spoken to them on the phone tbf and not exactly best mates but they have been more supportive than I could have wished for recently. Still I'm dreading it and could just hide in kitchen for the day. Not had much in the way of an appetite for a while now def anxiety related and feeling under massive pressure to eat Christmas Day, convinced they'll be staring at me, watching my every movement. Need to deal with it for son as 100 don't want to spoil it for him.

My dad told me I need to cook a Christmas Dinner for them when we go visit not missing out on his son cooking Xmas Dinner for him FML will probably be over 30degrees if we get over in summer but no way will he let me get away with it lol. He offered to give me the money back again, done this every time I've spoken to him since I told him about dealing with my debts. They are in lockdown too, did find out they actually do have some limited pension income and Greek government has given some support to businesses, pleased about that for them as business gone to !!!!!! for obvious reasons. Can't wait for this to !!!!!! for good. Been good to me in some ways, allowed me to reassess priorities etc but can't live under these restrictions forever, it's destroying people's livelihoods now as well as lives too. This time last year if someone had told me Boris would have shut the country down, no way would I have believed it. Strange year for the country and for me ha if someone had told me I'd end the year properly serious about paying my debts off I'd probably have told you Boris def more likely to shut the country down lol.

@Nicnak absolutely agree re watches - I'm not desperate to buy another watch just idly looking really and had a fleeting urge. If I did buy would have to be when I'm debt free tbh.

Honestly the guilt of buying would have been ten times worse than some feelings of inadequacy this evening. Buyer remorse for that would have lasted weeks I don't doubt lol. Actually told my wife I was having trouble with the not good enough demons massive weight lifted just to be honest about it rather than all going round in my head getting paranoid she thinks I don't earn well enough for her etc.

Will review the spending abstinence on a regular basis and am still having the counselling both for the spending and the other stuff. GP aware of what's going on tbh not too proud to get the help. Would have been a few years back but after what I went through with other health scare no dignity left now haha.

Def a cheap weekend this one, getting all Christmas stuff ready with wife and just family time together. Looking forward to it tbh and usually dread Saturdays. Put some long hours in and wife agreed she'll not be mad about me dipping in and out of business over next few weeks so long as I make time for them and nothing Xmas eve - 27th. Wasn't even planning to think about it those days lol so happy to think she's won ha.

Next month fuel shouldn't be an issue - next two weeks will hardly drive anywhere so month actually shorter than usual also entering new month with full tank of petrol in RR and 3/4 in BMW. Winning on that front but thank you. Food spends should be less than this month - no Christmas in January and I'm doing dry jan so no booze spends either.

Believe it or not I've been through times of 8 hours every night without fail then times like this, get to point of not being able to get out of bad sleep issues but when I do I get my 8 hours, make everything a lot easier for me.

alt80

@Purplelady65 thank you really trying with the counselling etc and mind in a bit better place in some ways. Up and down still considered by gp to be depressed but trying to work on it put business and family first.

I'd raise £7.5-8k so that's why but I'd 100 not part with it. Can count on two hands the amount of days I've not worn it - not wasteful with every purchase I make lol.

Always have a bit of banter with wife - couldn't live with a prissy woman haha but don't tell her she wastes money on what she likes to buy no real conflict there. Not that kind of bloke, more likely to go out and spend twice as much as she would on stuff for her. 100 going to get some flak for this but I enjoy dressing her up for a night out and I don't mean in some weird, controlling put her in a bin bag so no other bloke looks her way lol and she doesn't mind ha wouldn't do it if she did.