First Steps to Solvency

Onebrokelady

Just caught up on your diary again and I think a personal spending budget for you and your wife is a good idea. I've done it for myself and once it's gone that's it until next month, I helps me to know where I am with my budget and it's nice to know that if I see something I really want I can buy it, or I spend it on riding 😀 you would spend my allowance of £80 a month in a day though 😂😂

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

Not been very well, rubbish nights sleep ha no surprises there. Spent a bit of time working this morning but decided to say !!!!!! it and spend some time with family this afternoon - son break up day. Not everyday your 7 year old breaks up for Xmas lol so spent the afternoon doing pick up with wife, nice walk and a silly hot chocolate for son, Xmas coffee for wife and I. Shared a big cookie too. Really nice afternoon in the end I've always missed out on this stuff or had some excuse. Honestly enjoyed this afternoon more than spending on stuff for me. Had a moment watching son play with dog realised I'm incredibly lucky to have kept my family through all the stuff I've done. 100 need to keep working on the debt and family time. More time I spend with wife and son less I want to do self destructive stuff tbh. I love my business and making something of it but what's it for if no one to enjoy the rewards of it with? Probably sounds a bit simple and might be in debt but know I'm lucky to be picking son up from a school we chose rather than our LA, nice car that does anything we could ever ask of it and more, time my own - still need to work hard but don't need to ask for time off, nice home to come back to. Could be a whole lot worse, definitely would have been had I carried on down the self destructive road.

@Nicnak she loves the make up etc. Definitely agree about it cutting off a couple of months over the term maybe I just don't want that battle right now. She's serious about us getting out of this mess and has made sacrifices too tbh. 

Think I'll give dry jan a go would please wife and as I said always a few staff doing it. Will draw the line at the vegan month FML always one staff does that.

@warby68 Not the only one 'zoomed out'. 100 can't wait for a proper face to face team meeting. Miss the office buzzing like mad tbh.

Re work that was my plan then wife giving me grief with 'it's christmas' etc etc tbf she sees it as me wanting to escape, not spend time with family. Not the case but I've been like that for so long I get why she thinks as she does.

Definitely re her spending - it's something to do ha. Total disposable is the £1550 at the moment but need to buy the food/ petrol out of that also. Everything is accounted for including contributions for sinking fund/ hols/ presents/ insurances etc etc as well as the debt payments. It is a !!!!!! amount for disposable when I earn what I do granted but actually feel more positive than I ever have done about personal finances - can see a way to pay for all the annual expenses / bit of unforeseen / actually paying the debts down and not having stress about paying for son's school - that used to play on my mind a lot. I know this sounds mad and shouldn't have taken me to 40 to work this out but as much as I complain never felt so in control of the personal finances tbh. Personally not bothered about ringfencing a small amount for personal spends when I spend I spend well. £100 or whatever would last all about 2 months being sensible before I thought !!!!!! it and had a massive binge. Don't need the temptation at all. Possibly would work for her - I think I'll ask her do need some kind of control over it and get what you mean about not scrutinising it. If she agrees I'll tell her to put her spends on a different card and just clear it each month - I'm not looking through it then.

Ha yeah full fat and fully loaded that's definitely me. Cut back today tbf (4 2 shot, 1 3 shot told wife she can take it off me if I make another today lol) Also have been in Sainsburys bought some decaf beans lol. Wife thinks its hilarious. Had a 3 shot in Starbucks though, don't help myself lol. Spend so much there get the free extra shot etc wife ask me why I ordered it. Tell her I'm not missing out on a free extra shot of coffee, her response great free heart palpitations !!!!!! winning there mate haha. 

@RelievedSheff my plan over christmas try to get better sleep habit, hopefully the decaf will help a bit.

The free shot of coffee story made me laugh, I’d be the same, plus give me the squirts cream and chocolate sprinkles...not even fussed about them but want my value for money.

Its good that you’re finally appreciating the family stuff more. Happy for you.

Willowtree222

You know what's right for you both and I'm sure you'll both make a lot of sacrifices over the next few years.
It's great you are spending time with your family and actually love it. 7 is such a funny age. My DD has an answer for everything and quite often it makes me laugh. If it keeps the demons away then keep doing it. Your son will love spending time with his dad and your wife will enjoy you being there too. 

alt80

Variable Spends: £1320/1550

Just Friday and the weekend to get through with £180. 100 can do this. Going to be buzzing if I don't go over tbh.

Been on the decaf all night haha and got some more work done. 

@JGB1955 I feel so much better checking my emails now without the constant ads tbh, hope you do too and have a good Christmas too. 

@Onebrokelady that's the thing, I'll just feel frustrated if I've got a small personal spends budget - like being able to spend something but not enough. Know it'd just make me go mad at best I'd see it as a target I needed to hit every month bit like a speed limit lol yeah know you can drive under but who does haha. 

@ryanm8655 thanks mate, need to appreciate what I have a bit more really know that much. Something I'm trying to work on rather than just obsessing about next level, doesn't come easily to me though.

Ha I do make 100 use of that 'gold' Starbucks level mate lol love it when I log on the app and smashed 150 points again for the 'free' one. Wife just rolls her eyes and tells me it's because I spend far too much money on coffee 100 she's right tbf.

@Nicnak yeah I'm lucky they both like having me around. Don't want to miss out on family any longer either. Haha my son is similar, don't really want him to grow up right now tbh lol.

Willowtree222

£180 is achievable especially as we're in lockdown so the temptation of going out is a lot less.
Could you plan your weekend to keep you occupied? Put some bits in to ensure boredom doesn't creep in.
Every age has been an adventure but this one is the one where I get the most interesting things from her. 
X

RelievedSheff

I think if you cut down on the coffee, gradually not all at once then the sleep will come naturally to you.

Don't try and go cold turkey with the coffee though. That won't work you will feel like crap.

warby68

@alt80 You are so open-minded and reasonable at the moment, I've just had to check I was on the right diary
Seriously, even if you still feel rough and uncertain, its coming across loud and clear how different your thinking is. 
I can get why a couple of hundred quid a month is more frustration than cushion for you but looks like a plan for your wife's steady but small spends. You can perhaps manage differently for yourself - perhaps  a different frequency could work for you. You can have the same things, just less often. You could perhaps build a quarterly pot for you to have a bit of a spend. The key is that you spend in arrears not in advance, you have the cash first. A plan and knowing there is something coming at some point should help ward off the binges. I genuinely think a zero personal budget is only sustainable for so long and you will have to find a way to safely re-introduce the personal spends. 
I agree coffee can be adjusted rather than stopped - at the moment its probably standing in for some other bad habits but its an easier one to fix.
Have a good day and I'm looking forward to the budget review. 

enthusiasticsaver

We go for caffeinated proper coffee and tea in the morning and after midday decaffeinated and we both sleep a lot better for it. 

alt80

@Nicnak yeah only need to get through the weekend, can do it I think. Mind I've just spent 20 mins stuck on the phone waiting to speak to someone so idly browsing the net almost dealt myself up on a used £11k very entry level Patek FML. Spent a few minutes half seriously thinking about putting it on a card, half justifying it as wouldn't be in as much debt as a few months ago even with buying it. Probably need to ban myself from chrono24 altogether or one day I'll not come to my senses in a couple of minutes and deal rather than laughing at myself and switching off ha.

Weekend just spending time with wife and son, nowhere to go really. Few films, hot choc, walks with the dog etc etc. 100 shouldn't be expensive.

@RelievedSheff Hoping so, switched to the decaf at 1pm today. Only had 4 'proper' coffees today so doing a bit better, stopped the 3 shot ones will just save for starbucks lol. Meant to be having a drink this evening, still want to get through a load more work and tbh don't even feel like a drink, if my wife isn't bothered don't think I will either.

@warby68 haha thought open-minded and reasonable were the first words that came into everyone's head to describe me so don't know !!!!!! you're talking about lol. 

Not feeling great still unfortunately. Didn't get to sleep until about 3am, up at 7 absolutely wrecking me tbh and not even touched anything that completely !!!!!! my sleep patterns altogether for a few weeks but no wonder I'm craving the stimulants all the time - sleep not great at all. 

Budget review early this month - Monday. Will have a word with wife about spends, maybe take some out the variables to give her for spends only going to be £100-200max too poor for any proper amount ha. All spends are cleared in arrears tbh, use the amex for everything and clear it month end for the previous month's spends iyswim. If she wants to have the spends, she can use a different card just for that. I know what you're saying about my spends, I genuinely don't need to buy anything for myself and tbh I am hoping the abstinence will help in the long run to become more sustainable generally. Did think after looking at the watch if I were debt free and decided it was something I really wanted I could put money aside, buy it when the cash was there, gives time for me to think about the purchase and if it's something I really want or not too or if there's something else I'd rather have instead. Better than just putting it on a credit card, spending on a whim and onto the next which I've always done before. Reining in the instant gratification where possible.

Not gonna lie I still want an AM. Nothing I can do about it whilst still in debt and paying for RR but it has crossed my mind if I put the £1220/m pcp payment away after RR been paid for could get an XJS after a year and sell that two years after with the £30k I would have put away and get a £45k used AM. Would be bought for cash, not debt financed. Definitely requires a lot more discipline than I'm used to but would feel good to have my cars paid for, no more big payments going out every month. 

alt80

enthusiasticsaver said:

We go for caffeinated proper coffee and tea in the morning and after midday decaffeinated and we both sleep a lot better for it. 

Going to give the decaf after 1pm thing a go for a few weeks, see if the sleep any better. All just being patient not very good at that lol.