First Steps to Solvency

Willowtree222

Your past has defined you to the person who is now on here dealing with the debt and the triggers. You can't change it as everyone has said, but you can learn from it and put what you now would do into practice. If you do now what you would have done then, then in a year you'd be looking back at the person you wanted to be making the decisions you wanted to make. 
I know life doesn't always work out like that but you can give it a decent go.
Next year could be your best year for tackling your demons and finally putting them to rest. 

enthusiasticsaver

One thing I would say is that I have been on this forum a long time and there are others who have got themselves into a real mess (worse than you) and some were high earners but many of them didn't stick around because they did not want to change their spending habits or admit to things getting worse. To your credit you are digging yourself out of a hole and facing up to mistakes. You can't ask more than that. You still have your home, your business and a decent credit record. I am not sure how constructive it will be to work out how much you are down by as you already seem to be beating yourself up for it. 

alt80

Variable spends: £1165/1550

Wife did extra food shop (Christmas stuff). Bit apprehensive about making the budget now tbh. £1550 feels like a really tight budget to do food/ entertainment/ petrol now. Budget reset 21st this month but !!!!!! knows how we're going to manage January which will be 21st Dec - 26th Jan. Told wife I hope we stay Tier 3, only hope for the variable budget I think ha. Yes know some people are having to find bills from that sort of cash each month, no idea how it's done tbh not wasted a penny this month apart from returns.

Busy day on the work front generally. No school pick up but did take an hour out after dinner for dog walk and went back to home office for a bit, still did bedtime though and bit of time for wife after. Not going to be long before son grows out of the bedtime story and I've missed most years so trying to make the most of it now before he's decided he's 'too grown up'. Years gone very quickly.

@Nicnak next year definitely going to find out if I can sustain the momentum and work towards more positive mindset/ habits. Quite apprehensive - not gonna lie.

@enthusiasticsaver meant to ask did you read the dopamine book? I've just about read it - absolutely brilliant find and definitely think I've learned a lot about how I think from it. Thanks for sharing.

Wife said something similar when I told her this evening I was going to work it all out and hope to pay everything back. Her thoughts were pay the current stuff back, draw a line under the losses, where we are after cards/ RR cleared is new zero work from there clean slate. Her point why 'pay back' ftype eg when it's already gone and the use of it was paid for, nothing still owing. Idk I get where she's coming from in one respect but already lost opportunities through stupidity, don't want to lose again. She wants to carry on splitting btl money 50 growth/ 50 for us, sees that as 'spending money' when the debts are paid. Didn't argue with her but that really disappointed me tbh, she still wants lifestyle. I do too but definitely want to suppress it more - not helped me in life (not been 100 positive for her either), get to point of new habits and not fall into old ones. Wish I never wanted another car ever again or anything else; could just keep buying units and growing my business, reinvest, rinse and repeat. Wife thinks that's also mad and just swapping one addiction for another. Like you she doesn't think money spent on res home is wasted, said we could have lived in maybe 3 more flip projects and be buying the real dream. She said wouldn't have happened, she 100 would not have lived in another massive project haha well that's me told. 

alt80

Just saved a tiny amount of cash - Apple launched Apple One subscription everything and 2tb iCloud for £29.99/m can share with wife too. We were spending £60/m on Apple subscriptions tbf possibly could have shared some of those never looked into it but get more items and half price. Worth looking at if you use apple news/ music etc and have multiple subscriptions to Apple.

getmore4less

It's part of the balance keep the BTL 50:50 gives a chance to return some lifestyle once the debt has gone.

As that business grows you could look at retaining more of that rather than split the increases 50:50

You also have the main business growth where you can manage what extra you take out.

warby68

I'm not sure mentally paying yourself back will be constructive either.
Drawing a line and setting new goals sounds the more positive approach. The goals can still be related to the past mistakes but perhaps not a direct pen and paper calculation of how much punishment you should take.
I echo what ES said - you are still here and facing up. Many can't hack it. You are well placed for success and have some great foundations in your businesses and income level - you are responsible for those strong pluses as well as the mistakes.
The simple fact that you now place value on a £30 pm saving on your Apple sub shows how far you've changed - loads of other examples but that is just the one above.
I think your wife sounds realistic and you say it yourself - you will always want a certain lifestyle. £1500 pm on lifestyle compared to previous levels of about £5000 pm, albeit via credit, does not sound extreme. You can always adjust when businesses start to generate more overall. 
You probably need to be careful you don't go to extremes the other way, another form of addiction. That's probably what she's getting at, keeping the balance.

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

Just saved a tiny amount of cash - Apple launched Apple One subscription everything and 2tb iCloud for £29.99/m can share with wife too. We were spending £60/m on Apple subscriptions tbf possibly could have shared some of those never looked into it but get more items and half price. Worth looking at if you use apple news/ music etc and have multiple subscriptions to Apple.

Just a few months ago you wouldn't have even bothered with saving £30 per month.

This is just another sign of just how far your mindset has changed and how far you have come. 

Willowtree222

It's hard when you disagree with the person at home. I'm sure you'll come to a compromise though. 
I'm sure your son will love bedtime stories right up until he's a lot older. You'll just need to change the books. I'm waiting to start Harry Potter with my little one. 
Agree with enthusiastic too. I only started here in 2017 so a relative newbie but have seen loads start, not accept what people say and then leave. Looks like you've made yourself at home here, and I hope you do stay and keep going. 
Have a lovely day. 

Sun_Addict

I agree with the others you need to draw a line and not look back on what you've wasted in the past. I dread to think how much money I've frittered over the years but it's what I'm doing now that counts. I paid my debt off a few years ago but still hang around on this forum because it keeps me on the straight and narrow.

alt80

The Apple saving been transferred to additional payments to the cards. Job over Christmas to check other utilities/ subscriptions etc.

I’ll always want a lifestyle but when you know the way you’ve lived your life hasn’t been good for you or anyone else you start to wonder if you need to quit the lifestyle altogether. Drugs not good either easy to say will just go back to a bit of fun on a night out - don’t need that in my life either so maybe the lifestyle just too destructive for me and ought to just concentrate on buying as many units as I can. I know it’s still buying stuff and getting a buzz but right property comm or res actually see a return rather than just being lost on unsustainable lifestyle- thinking out loud really don’t know what my plan is right now all I do know is I truly wish I never wanted anything ever again, not gonna lie I’m paranoid I’ll clear the cards/ RR and just go mad again. I’m getting too old to be keep getting into serious amounts of card debt and don’t want that to be my future. Someone on here said in some ways easier to give the other stuff up as always need to spend some money on some things. I agree but if I could get to the stage of abstinence from anything but the essentials I suppose might not get into more card debt. Never speak to car people again and learn to not look at cars probably give that for life up too. Was reading an article on addiction and not being able to go back to the things that you were addicted to because it is likely to get worse second/ third/ fourth time around. Don’t want to wind up losing my business, home or family for self destructive stuff.