First Steps to Solvency

enthusiasticsaver

Glad you are better at identifying triggers and have developed coping strategies to stop you spending by deleting apps and unsubscribing from emails.  It sounds like your parents have turned to a simpler life too (from necessity undoubtedly but still good).  Your work life balance is sounding so  much better too and I think you will come out of this as a better and stronger person.  If your wife wanted to leave you she has had ample excuse over the last few months but is still sticking by you so I would not worry about that.  The only thing you can control is your behaviour and actions and hopefully the fact you are changing will be enough for your marriage to come out stronger. 

getmore4less

Definitely not easy to remove the baggage, the analogy used in the film was on a pilgrimage with the good stuff in a bag on the front for inspiration and the bad in a bag on the back with a hole in it so it slowly get left behind on the road.

I think you are close to nailing probably the biggest one at the top of the tree,  your perception of the way you think others see you.

From what you have said those close are seeing you in a much more positive way now than ever before.

Those you work with are probably seeing a better you as well more focused and moving the business forward will be giving them more confidence they will have jobs and it won't collapse in a big mess.

There is no instant fix just knock them of one at a time 

getmore4less

Spotted this on HUKD 
https://www.qwertee.com/product/daily-list 
( some good stuff discounts might be something for the kid)

theoretica

You probably know too much about property to do this, but you make me think of someone who bought a house thinking it needed a bit of minor works and decoration but discovered that the foundations were in trouble.  So now you are sorting the foundations, rather than just the rearrangement of your finances and debt you initially anticipated.  It's a big project, but now you know how important it is you don't strike me as someone who could go back to your old ways and ignore it.  It will be hard, there will be mistakes on the way, but I am confident you will see it through and reap the rewards of having done so.  Go @alt80 !

Willowtree222

Yeah I know the feeling. I'm an emotive spender and used it to fill voids in my life. I could rack up thousands on finance in one night. I don't have a problem getting credit either and always made payments so was always offered deals to entice me. 
I still have blips now but nowhere near the level I was and removing the temptations is the best way. 
Eventually, you'll not respond to the temptation in the same way. 
Don't forget to strike a balance though as that's when the blips can really happen. You still need to do things. 
Don't envy you on the exercise front. I'm shocking at keeping fit! 

alt80

Variable spends: £1065/1550.

Looking like another fill up for the RR before the budget resets. BMW definitely OK for fuel though. That's the only big expense I can think left out of this month's budget so 100 should not be over.

Busy day on the work front, all this week will be tbh. Definitely be having a drink Friday night, crack open a bottle of champagne I think.

Had a walk through town today, been avoiding it just driving everywhere or picking my fee earning work away from town haha - mainly to avoid walking by any shops tbh, city centre not always the most friendly for cars. Temptation to undo all the good work was high not gonna lie but didn't spend any money at all, didn't go in any shops either.

@RelievedSheff lol Might just about pay some of my debts back to the banks ha. 

The Reliant always used to make me laugh sign written with T.I.T.

@enthusiasticsaver think I was raging when someone suggested it on here that I might get tempted by marketing emails etc so delete. 100 believed I wasn't sucked in to it but tbh saw I was the other week. 

Ha my parents' life these days probably makes even the most frugal in UK look extravagant - literally hardly any shops etc. Nothing to get tempted by lol. My mum was reminiscing London trips when we spoke; literally no shopping culture where they live and they don't have much money anyway, Athens is different but have to get a ferry or fly to get there so they very rarely go and just not in the same league as London.

I know I can't stop her going if she decides to. 100 it's her decision. Can only try to demonstrate I am working towards a more sustainable lifestyle and one that's better for my family. Plenty of regrets and with hindsight I'd have taken some different roads, some the same probably even still.

@getmore4less lol I don't need to start giving wife more ideas re exercise. 😆

I never even considered my actions were affecting the business side, well I definitely couldn't face it might be, more denial than any real consideration really. Struggling to come to terms with my involvement of my business becoming entangled in my personal problems tbh. Always thought I kept the plates spinning well but did get a comment the other day from one of my staff about being more focused etc. Really angry with myself for letting that refinance happen.

@theoretica thank you. Yeah I like to think when I decide to I get stuff done.

Re property - have you even been in the game if you've never bought a bit of a lemon? On the refurb side I've not had too many surprises tbf but not surprising given my profession but this development block FML I've made some !!!!!! ups with that. Biggest lesson learned big construction projects - partner up with right person / factor in proper costs for professional fees and get an experienced PM to manage it all. Realised how little I did know about the construction side lol.

@Nicnak you and me both - not massively online but cars/ actual shops FML if spending were an Olympic sport, I'm taking GB straight to gold, no training required.

Ha said many times without wife I'd be the usual ageing fat bloke you usually see in a Range Rover. Do actually enjoy it once I get started tbh and am vain enough to want to look half decent. 

alt80

Not the most amazing nights sleep but woken up in a fairly decent mood for once. Absolutely mad amount of work over coming few days so no school pick ups etc still making the effort to do something each day with son. Really trying to make a commitment to that, also dog walk. 100 think it helps the mindset a bit. Need to get through the leg day first lol.

Getting to think these changes not a bad thing at my age, more sustainable life moving forwards not a bad thing for me. Bit panicked about how bad I let things get tbh - fair few years just been in self destruct. Lies 100 extended to telling myself lies almost to the point of delusion tbh - 100 believed business not affected by my behaviour/ wasn’t doing anything others in my position weren’t. FML but dwelling on it not going to help me.

Sun_Addict

What's most important is you're doing something about it now, you've learned from your past mistakes. Plenty of years ahead of you to enjoy your life and build your business up. Make the most of spending time with your son while he's young, once he hits his teens he'll just want to do things with his mates. 

RelievedSheff

I think you will have earned that drink by Friday evening.

getmore4less

not sure if this will be helpful,

The refinancing was a major milestone you can dwell and analyse for ever but it won't get changed, anger for things that happened that far back is too strong I would tone that down to disappointment, could have done better

If anger must be placed anywhere it is the time after that where you did nothing to fix the problem until this year.

From what you have said there was a pivotal moment in the car showroom where you got current RR.

Bottom line that refinance bought the RR you are driving around in now.

Enjoy the RR make it last and put that episode behind you when ready.