First Steps to Solvency

ladyholly

I think you should dump your "mat". You reallly dont need that kind of comment at the moment. Well done on the gift for your wife it sounds like the sort of thing that would appeal to her and didnt cost a fortune.

Well done on telling your parents, it couldnt have been easy.

Our Christmas tree doesnt go up until next weekend. Yes I know very late but we have always done it that way. It worked well when daughter was small as it stopped her getting excited too early.

You are sounding much more in control now although I am sure it isnt easy. The change in your posts is incredible in a very short time and I can only admire this. Well Done and keep going.

alt80

@warby68 I think Christmas has got to be more and more of a season over the years. Hardly anyone decorated early when I was a kid. Decs were always up for 1st Dec. Ha we always had a real tree too that arrived two weeks before the day but the dodgy ceiling decs etc were up earlier. Wife never had a real tree until she met me, think it made her even worse for Christmas tbh lol. 

I hate Saturdays didn’t used to but definitely a nightmare now. 

Happy with budget tbf. Doing well with it if I may say so myself haha.

@RelievedSheff Not amazing on the sleep front tbh. Realised I need to carry on with the counselling etc - making and the ability to spend money all I base my self worth on. All I ever have done tbf and in my head was totally normal not so sure it is now. Absolutely no idea how to change that or for it to be less of an issue though.

Parents have always been supportive tbh not told them as it was easy to keep being someone when we don’t see them wasn’t about their reaction etc. 

enthusiasticsaver

Excellent news on you being straight with your parents and good they are being supportive. You have a supportive family and your in laws whilst I don't think you will ever be best mates at least they are trying to support you. I am sure your Christmas dinner will be lovely and your in laws will see you can do something other than spend. A film is a great idea or games (not too competitive) to stop you getting involved in difficult conversations. I laughed at your dads comments about you must be good for the credit if the banks give you high limits. The thing about banks is they can change their policy just like that and reduce limits if they suddenly think there is a danger they won't get their money back. 

We only put our Christmas tree up yesterday with the help of our 5 year old granddaughter so finally getting in Christmas spirit here now. 

getmore4less

Watching a movie yesterday this cliché came up.

Don't let your future be weighed down by your past.

Loads of variations on that theme but all about coming to terms with and dropping the baggage of the past with the focus on the future.

ryanm8655

Great that your parents are so supportive. 

It’s also great that you are reflecting on things and the mindset is evolving. Things are all moving in the right direction, there are great things to come for you in the future if you carry on.

Hope you’ve had a good weekend.

alt80

Variable spends: £1045/1550

Not even bought anything exciting, just a mega order of dog food lol. 

Unsubscribed from 7 more email lists, think that’s most of those done now. 

Probably obvious as hardly been posting on here haha but I’ve had a bit of a break from my phone/ internet generally past few days. Stops me from looking for stuff to buy. Realised it’s a massive trigger last Saturday I did go on IG, straight away RL ad, looked through and straight to JL to buy the !!!!!! blue jumper (have an identical grey one) which turned into picking an RL shirt up too and the purse for wife. !!!!!! madness. This weekend not bought anything. Craving for it fairly low. Got a bit of an urge to spend about twice and woke up romanticising the other stuff this morning !!!!!! ridiculous. Told wife what was going on in my head, helped a lot.

8 mile walk today and 40 min HIIT. Body starting to thank me for it again, not smashing PBs like Lockdown 1 yet and wife loves it when I can be bothered win win. She !!!!!! hates it when I go through the can’t be bothered phases/ lose some definition. Not gonna lie I am a bit insecure about being 8 years older, do like looking good for her know not always going to be possible. Another thing I try to compensate for by buying her stuff definitely - quite aware she could get a fit younger man without even trying tbh.

Spent a few hours sorting my laptop out whilst son watching a film - deleted over 3500 emails, sorted through folders etc. Got another I use for business only, that’s well organised not full of stuff to buy in bookmarks/ emails and folders full of various lists of things to buy, previous credit applications etc. Know this is mental but I don’t get the spending demons when I’m on the business computer. I’ve avoided even firing my laptop up for 2/3 weeks. Next job is the iPad but all iCloud Drive so shouldn’t take long as it all syncs. Also means all the stupid stuff is off my phone too. Not running away from family to sit in my home office, stayed with family in sitting room and sorted the computer out win win lol. FML though this is what my life has come too. 😆 Wife actually deleted a lot of stuff off hers too. Other thing I’ve got rid of is Instagram, …deleted the app. 

@ladyholly thank you. Yeah things aren't amazing on the mental health front. I'm having a lot of contact with GP/ counsellors x2. Really trying to work on things and run with the guidance I'm being given.

@enthusiasticsaver my parents aren't bad people at all and always been very supportive of my sister and I. We both miss them terribly. I've had many moments when in my head I've convinced myself they just see sister and I as some dirty little secret from a past they wish never happened, was especially bad when I found they took Greek citizenship. I'm not even patriotic really but I found that really difficult - they aren't expats in the way people think tbh. They left the UK with next to nothing and it's just too painful for them to come back. Spent some time actually talking to them rather than just trying to ignore the whole Greece thing for once. They are getting older now and our healthcare better than what they have on the island out there but they 100 will not come back, parents made that very clear. Both sister and I have offered them a place to retire to but they're very independent and my dad has really taken the opportunity to turn his life around away from gambling, mates, UK drinking culture etc. Tbf to my dad he knows the banks are flakey 'friends', he thinks I'm going to get out of this better for it. Starting to believe maybe I will too tbh.

@getmore4less thank you. I think you're right. One of those things definitely easier said than done, a work in progress but really hoping I don't give up. Read the Andy Coulson article today, really interesting and 100 not comparing paying back a bit of the banks' money to his situation but I thought it was interesting he found the prison experience made him a better husband and dad.

@ryanm8655 thank you mate. You too, you've smashed the mindset and 100 going to go far in life.

RelievedSheff

It is great to see you heading in the right direction with both your finances and your family life. It is amazing the change in your attitude towards both in less than three months.

Willowtree222

You've identified so many triggers and are getting rid which will hopefully ease it a lot.
You said in the last post that you think you will come out of this better (your dad initially said it, but you agreed).
I think you will. You sound so different already and are communicating with your wife and family more. 
This time next year, you'll read back on this and see a completely different side. (This does sound like an only fools and horses line 😂). 
Have a good week. 

alt80

Last proper working week before Christmas. I’m off for two weeks from next week and vast majority of the fee earning staff are between Christmas and new year. Told wife I’m not going to be entirely switching off but no fee earners and Max of 2 hours a day nothing Christmas Day, Boxing Day etc.

Today-
- 30 min upper body
- Work
- Christmas list with wife make sure we’ve got all food/ gifts.
- Play with son, family dog walk and bedtime story.

@RelievedSheff thank you not gonna lie it’d be easier for me to not put the effort in but I don’t think that would help really and been going down that road for too long.

@Nicnak no prizes for guessing the triggers are what I’m actively trying to identify and get shot of lol. My real call to action more over the other stuff getting out of hand and that making me realise just how out of control the spending is. 100 I have an addiction to spending- not the greatest feeling in the world. Also my wife gave me a bit of an ultimatum- 100 know I’m on my last chance to make sure my marriage works. I really don’t want to lose her and my son realised that and I suppose it’s all a bit empty filling life with momentary satisfaction of addiction/ vices only to be craving it all over again once the hit wears off. Typical me I want a bit more from life ha.

FML ha remember OFaH from back in the day. 😆

RelievedSheff

I have my morning cuppa in a Only Fools and Horses mug.

"This time next year we will be millionaires"