First Steps to Solvency

getmore4less

If still looking a bit tight to have the CC paid off and the balloon saved up there is a a strategy to keep the payments down.

if you think of them both as a single debt the trick is to have it at 0% 

If you cashflow them both together on 0% with current funds how far past the RR balloon date do you go?
(or how much short are you at balloon day)

One strategy is to keep some 0% credit available and the cheapest is no fee BT or purchase cards
(for shortish term needs the BT fees get relatively expensive)

As the balloon approaches you load up a purchase card with NORMAL spends to free up the cashflow to cover the balloon.

I suspect this would just be fall back plan as there are more savings coming(BMW & mortgage & ...), the business should be growing so may be able to help fill a gap.

Another thought,  lets say you have £1kpm going towards these debts(CC+balloon) and at balloon time you are a few £k short can you pay yourself that few £k in advance then draw £1k less per month keeping your total for the year the same.

getmore4less

LondonLiz said:

@Alt80, what you described in your long post yesterday ( "I ‘knew’ my wife was going to leave me", I started to convince myself they’d be going down too with me and my business and all my fault wrecking peoples lives)  is called catastrophising in counseling speak.  This is going from a small incident or comment to a huge disaster in seconds in your head.  It's a normal reaction to react a bit badly to criticism (including our own inner critic) but for some people it spirals out of control.  You are getting much better at reflecting on previous behavior and thinking but ideally you will find ways to  nip that thinking in the bud before it starts, and not go through the whole painful cycle. Whether it's distraction techniques, mindfulness or coming on here for some advice early doors, whatever works for you to stop the negative thinking in its tracks.

By the way I too think the Love Languages concept Working_Mum recommends is a good one.  We are all very different in how we express and interpret signs of love and caring.  For example it doesn't come naturally to me to tell people I love them and I tend to assume actions speak louder than words.  But some people need to hear it  - certainly my ex-OH was a 'words man' and my efforts were going unrecognised.   In your case you've equated gifts as a sign of love and the more expensive they are demonstrates the scale of your love.  For me and many others a small, personalised, thoughtful, often home made gift that really shows me the giver truly understands me, is far more valuable and I truly don't care how much it cost. 

catastrophising.....

There are probably better ways to put this and very much oversimplifying but that effect is compounded when in your head you know you are living on the edge.

The reality is you are very successful just the success that was in your head was at a fantasy* level sustained through debt.

I think you are past that now and the closer you get to the real you, living a real life, with the real people in your life the potential catastrophic melt down thoughts caused by even a small  financial hiccup become a distant past because you know can ride them out.

You are pretty much there now, the gearing on the BTL is coming down, the main business is showing signs of being robust/sustainable/growing  even with a lot of uncertainty, the personal haemorrhaging of money has stopped, accrued debts are coming down, the financial future is planned on no new borrowing.


That's a long way in a a few months, although the process started during lockdown 1, the real transformation is the last couple of months.

There is still the struggle with some of the habitual/addictive behaviour but even those are getting managed remarkably well, you are a getting to grips with the triggers, clearly planning time so you don't have to many empty gaps to fill is very beneficial.

It is easy to sit here and say don't feel regret, disappointed etc  its natural to reflect and these emotions are powerful.

I am reminded of something a Hotel Director(large cruise ship in charge of 1000+ employees) said to me,
Things go wrong, mistakes happen, what's important is how they get fixed,



* There is probably a name for this effect where real life gets blurred by fictional stuff,  you see it a lot with the soaps/reality shows where some people start to believe it is real life and can't see the boundaries.

Same can happen with your own thoughts and dreams you start to believe it is real and that can influence decision making processes in not so good ways.

getmore4less

Thinking on the Xmas dinner, the in-laws offered to bring the food and you do boxing day, now you are going to cook.

Anyway you can make this a joint effort share the load over the holiday period, it's a few days and I suspect there will be plenty(=too much) of food going round between you. 

Maybe a MIL would get on board.

It not a competition share. 

RelievedSheff

getmore4less said:

Thinking on the Xmas dinner, the in-laws offered to bring the food and you do boxing day, now you are going to cook.

Anyway you can make this a joint effort share the load over the holiday period, it's a few days and I suspect there will be plenty(=too much) of food going round between you. 

Maybe a MIL would get on board.

It not a competition share. 

I agree with this. Perhaps sharing the cooking between all of you will help ease tensions and create a happy family atmosphere for the festive period.

alt80

Variable spends: £850/£1550 

Not been spending on stupid stuff just more Christmas food etc few treats. Dropped in Lidl on Thursday for office milk and they'd got a £10 Porsche tractor revell model I bought for son as a stocking filler. Not going to feel guilty for spending £10 on my son. I have also got my wife some exercise dice, she can kill me with some surprise finisher lol. Still feel terrible about Christmas gifts tbh. 

Yesterday fell to sleep watching tv about 9.30pm, wife told me to go to bed 10.30pm didn't wake up until 8am this morning. Think I needed it tbf. Been keeping busy with work. Unfortunately couldn't agree a deal on the project this time.

Re Christmas dinner - tbh I said I'd do it to give me something to do. Not feeling great about seeing in-laws in person after them knowing about me using substances etc. They have been unbelievably supportive over the past few weeks but I'm dreading them coming here for the day. Feel like hiding away in the kitchen all day and eating my dinner at the kitchen table away from them haha too weird I know and not ok. They are doing Boxing Day food. Been struggling badly with appetite just not really bothered about eating / speaking to healthline most days. Yeah need to get a grip I know but I'm avoiding the triggers as much as possible. Dreading the weekend again but wife agreed to spend it together with son. Need to pull myself together when I'm not working.

alt80

@Nicnak I do like the validation not gonna lie but I like having nice things for myself tbh.

@warby68 thank you.  

haha spending more time in NG than home by the sounds of it lol. 

Not feeling great still tbh but not juggling the cards etc is a relief really and no chemical comedowns helping level the mood generally tbh. Just hope life will workout ok after all this - I couldn't carry on going down the road I was going. 2020 not been an easy year in lots of ways but can't describe what a relief sorting the FA on the block has been. That definitely had the potential to be stuff of nightmares and I'd been avoiding it - absolute irrational panic. Things could definitely be a lot worse for me than they have been.

100 know I don't deserve what I do have in life, hope I won't say that forever work on where I am and learn to be better not just re finances. I want to be a good husband and a good dad really trying to work on that. Speaking to my parents tomorrow lol.

Had someone I know through cars have a laugh at my expense yesterday for saying I wanted to make 2021 more family focused, concentrate on business and family so have got rid of the ftype/ considering BMW going for a car through business - costing a lot of money and wanted to cut back a bit on the lifestyle have more time for family stuff too. Don't want to be mates because I don't have a sports car anymore, not really a real mate. Called me for free advice relating to property, always been only time he speaks to me unless it's been to tell me I'm not 'really into cars' because I've never had an Italian supercar and if I really was I'd put it above property etc. Just don't need that in my life right now.

@Retireinten You've not made me feel bad. I know I'm that kind of person, don't want to be forever though tbh. I've admitted I've alienated people who have been positive influences in my life, mainly to hang around with people like the above ha. Do anything to drag you down type people. Sure many on here think I probably deserve to spend the rest of my life alone. I'm beyond grateful my wife has stuck by me, props me up and 100 I owe it to her to sort myself out for good.

@enthusiasticsaver dog doesn't go in BMW so no big deal on that front really! Tbh Mini would be OK for some jobs in the city centre / other areas bad for parking haha.

@ryanm8655 thanks mate. Tbh I decide to do something I usually go all in ha. 

Didn't really have much negativity re family putdowns growing up, neither my sister or I tbh. Your uncle doesn't sound like the best influence tbh mate. Sounds like he's got very big opinions not really founded on much other than his own experience of life iyswim. Not that you can't get anywhere in sales but to get where he's got in an employed role is unusual and risky also imo. (If he's the same guy you've spoke about before that I'm thinking of)

My sister and I only really had our parents - they lost touch with extended family when sister and I were really young (parents family all up North (real North, not where you'll no doubt think of as north. They'd say I'm a southerner living here FML lol). Never got the uni pressure, parents wanted us to both go to uni but no clue on subjects etc tbh they'd have been proud no matter what or where studying. Honestly reckon they thought studying religion or something in middle of Wales would have netted us a seat in parliament or something ridiculous. Sister was first in family to go to uni, did her degree at a prestigious one for her subject, think mum and dad both sobbed through the whole evening when she got the offer haha. They were a !!!!!! mess at her graduation - completely embarrassing lol but mega proud no different at mine tbf and they'd been through it once, not even as great uni lol. FML but I'll probably be no different with son tbf. 

Know a few South Africans and would 100 agree re the women haha.

alt80

@getmore4less thanks mate. Great advice re RR balloon etc. Would like to get in a position where I can make my income work for me / personal cash flow. If I didn't need so much day to day, could work better imo. 0% purchase card if need be would be better than the BTs - if I'm not in the position of being used to living to a budget by then think something will have gone seriously wrong along the way so should be able to deal with 'normal' spends by then.

Financially things feeling better in a sustainable way than I can ever really remember tbh first time started to feel time not running out as much, can start to think ahead a bit plan for future more. Always had a lot of pressure to get things done by whatever age. Turning 40 without 7 fig res home was 100 failure to me now I'm not sure. I got far too tied up in levelling up on credit, living the life I wanted rather than what I had at the time know that. What I actually have has never been good enough, never taken a bit of time to reflect on progress and progress yet to come seeing it all more sustainably and thinking about right thing for my family. Realised could be a whole lot !!!!!! worse tbh woken up to that big time.

Ha remember one of my first mentors in business saying something similar - how stuff gets fixed more important I'd forgotten that until you mentioned it, thanks for reminding me. If I'm ever a 10th of the man he was I'll be somebody. Wasn't really into the cars/ lifestyle, liked his houses though and family was everything to him. No longer with us now, will definitely raise a glass to him over Christmas. 

enthusiasticsaver

Good update and you have been sounding more level and contemplative of late. Still regretful but starting to appreciate what you do have. I would avoid the "mate" having a laugh at your expense regarding your wish to live a more sustainable life maybe not centred on cars so much for a while. You don't need negative influences in your life at the moment. I hope the discussion with your parents goes well and they are supportive. Have you been frank with your sister about your position? 

RelievedSheff

Hope you have a lovely family weekend. 

warby68

Love the calm post about the user 'mate' - nope, you don't need him but strangely he finds you useful!! A lot of people like that. I think that kind of interaction would have triggered a huge rage a few weeks ago that somehow you'd failed. Now its more shrug and move on. He's a tool btw.
Also love the Christmas gift for your wife - you've nailed that one.
Hope you have a nice weeked - we're a long way behind here, only going for the tree tomorrow. Don't tell your wife!