First Steps to Solvency

alt80

@Nicnak not gonna lie just read that previous post back to myself and if it were someone else I’d be reading that thinking FML what a !!!!!!. Well what’s done is done I suppose lol. Can only move up from how I’ve been last few years.

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

@Nicnak not gonna lie just read that previous post back to myself and if it were someone else I’d be reading that thinking FML what a !!!!!!. Well what’s done is done I suppose lol. Can only move up from how I’ve been last few years.

Exactly! What is done is done, learn from it and crack on. We all make mistakes in life.

alt80

@ryanm8655 thanks mate. Few months ago I’d have laughed off £90 - what difference does that make ha but realising I can get to the point of clearing them given me a push to get on with it. Know I cleared a lot through selling high value items - both wife and I so lucky to have such stuff in a way.

Never thought she’d be with my for the journey was 100 convinced I’d be on my own after telling her. Convinced myself she didn’t have a clue though too. Not gonna lie but she and in-laws only surprised it wasn’t worse and wasn’t in a position of falling into arrears with everything and being ‘forced’ to fess up. Remember first thing my wife said when I told her she asked if we were going to lose our home, over again was I lying when I told her no. She told me weeks later she’d been waiting for me telling her we were going to get our home taken from us. Took her going right through all the accounts business/ personal the lot to believe me. Really ashamed I’ve put her through that and the other stuff, just walking on eggshells constantly in case it sets me off on some kind of binge.

enthusiasticsaver

You have been on quite a journey over the last few months and I think if we had told you at the first  post you could live within a budget, sell even small items (which originally you would not entertain) start sinking funds and pay off more than £11k from your credit card debt you would not believe it. Even better you appreciate your family more and are dealing with your issues and hopefully now steering clear of substance abuse. Taking on a new project sounds a good idea too. Keeping busy will stop you getting bored and turning back to your old ways. You will be starting the New Year with a great mindset. Great work.

RelievedSheff

You have come such a long way in just a few months. I'm really pleased for you and hope that your new frame of mind continues into the new year and beyond.

alt80

Not the best nights sleep again- actually fine once I got to sleep. Getting 5/6 hours doesn’t help me one bit. Did get up, have breakfast with family and do exercise though just a quick 20 min stretch/ mobility- rest day from that really today.

Fair bit of work to do today so should keep my mind occupied and cooking dinner. 

Still having a lot of trouble coming to terms with my behaviour tbh. I know whether my wife chooses to stay with me is 100 her choice sometimes I think I really don’t deserve to have a family or a nice home or anything else but if I don’t move forward from that way of thinking I will be back in a bad place. Told wife to hold me accountable for telling my parents this weekend- they deserve to know and hopefully they’ll understand I wasn’t being unfair to them earlier this year just couldn’t really help them out. 

@enthusiasticsaver honestly I’d have probably asked you whatever it is you’re taking I’ll have some lol. Worked out £3k of the pay down has been min payments and not adding to the cards. RR balloon was just a dream having that - actually think it’s possible in the time frame and having a home sinking fund although no where near where it should be I wasn’t ever dumb to the fact I needed it, just so financially stretched it was never going to happen. 

Might not have been you tbf and I don’t remember what I’d written but think you said you were so disgusted with whatever it was I said on that original thread you’d wish me luck but bye bye lol. I was so ashamed of some of it especially things that were closer to home than money - comments I had re wife’s car etc only because it was stuff I’d questioned about my own behaviour on and off. IIRC I was raging people should not comment re cars because that’s fine only the cards are an issue. Had nearly £2400/m going out on cars FML definitely not a problem at all lol.

I was so angry no one gave me a pat on the back for cap val of the portfolio at the time embarrassing I know. 100 looking for a bit of a boost, didn’t mention commercial or block for a reason- less rosy or certainly was a few months ago. FML I cringe about even feeling the need to do it tbh all I got was ltv a bit stretched mate and can’t call it your 7 figure portfolio when it’s that leveraged. All true and in a weird way glad I did bring it up, made me realise it’s another thing I need to get a grip on, be at the point with it where the PGs are off. Justified that as totally normal it is at the LTVs I’m working to but realised I really don’t want it forever and that’s the road I was going down.

No I’m not using anything and no plans to. Always thought before starting the counselling for that very recently I was 100 in control still don’t think it had tipped into an addiction tbh but was becoming more frequent and I know it’s not normal to crave it so much as I did. Still do sometimes but better to do something productive instead under no illusions that could have really wrecked my life and last thing my family needs. No illusions I’ve made things difficult for myself and will be tempted again in the future as I say long time since it was about making the good times better for me. Just not worth it know that now another thing I’ve got massive regrets for just need to move on though now can’t carry on dwelling on how I’ve chosen to live my life too much will drive me back to the destructive stuff.

I hope next year is better, will be if I carry on down this road. Can actually see a way through light at the end of the tunnel tbh.

@RelievedSheff thanks you’re not the only one hoping I can carry on down this road. Think I said on your diary you can’t seriously be at peace with paying the debt off. Had a flicker of that since the start of the week realising I’m probably going to come in under budget on the variable spends and it’s in control. Not swapping my wife’s credit card once a week and giving bs excuses then panicking what if she realises I’m in debt. That wasn’t as bad as when I went for the refinance- really was running out of available then, considered was it my only option realise now it wasn’t. I could be nearly two years into paying it back. Wouldn’t have had the RR payment probably would have had similar outgoings had the ftype and bmw owned my RRS outright so would have probably kept three cars and be maybe £30k into the payback rather than hanging over my property. Will get there with it though. I honestly laugh at the fact I’d convinced myself it wasn’t glaringly obvious to wife etc.

enthusiasticsaver

I think I probably did say something like your comments were disgusting but think I apologised for that or at least I hope I did as this forum is for support not judgement. I know a lot of your early comments jarred a bit but if I didn't apologise I do now as you have totally got on board with sorting your finances at some personal hardship to yourself. I know it is tempting with high earners to tell them their struggles can't compare to those on minimum wage but I don't think that is true. Any change of lifestyle is tough and the old saying the higher you go the lower you fall is often true but you at least dealt with it before it got worse. I think you will sort this out and hopefully end up happier and less stressed. Not having to constantly juggle cards must be a big relief. As for not mentioning the Capital value of your portfolio it may have been because most of us see the debt first. I certainly admire the way you have dealt with it and your honesty even when you go off piste. Keep yourself accountable and I will look forward to seeing you get free of the cards and one day the car finance. 

I would suggest you deal with one thing at a time and worry about the RR balloon nearer the time. 2021 will hopefully see a big reduction in the cards even if just minimums it will be down by £12k and continue to live in budget and save for emergencies and annual costs. The BMW reaches the halfway point next year doesn't it? Have you decided to get an electric car through the business as a second car  or are you sticking with the BMW? 

enthusiasticsaver

Lol I forgot my most important comment in that telling your parents is definitely a good idea and yes it may be tough but hopefully they will admire the way you are sorting the debt out. Surely it is better for them to know the reason why you could not help them as much as they wanted rather than thinking you were stingy although I can't believe the bare faced cheek of your Dad given the mess he has made of his finances. 

SuperSavingD

Been reading your diary and just want to say you are doing amazing on all fronts.  Can see huge improvements on the debt, attitude and family life.  You should be super proud of yourself.

Working_Mum

I thank you for being honest on your thread @alt80 - I think you are doing very well to make such progress. There are lots of "lurkers" on these Boards who will find courage in your story and how you are handling things.

I wanted to share a book which may help - it's very American in style but is incredibly easy to read - it called Love Languages by Gary Chapman - I went from being a "incredibly comfortable" to almost destitute when my ex-husband left and I uncovered his double life of almost 2 years - I had to cut back on everything immediately and live on a much reduced income. Gary Chapman's book enabled me to understand my key relationships much better and helped me show I loved and cared for them in the most appropriate way.

It sounds to me that your wife is a "quality time" lady, and if she is, nothing would please her more than time with who she loves spent in a mutually agreeable and supportive way. This costs very little (way less than a Mulberry purse) and the impact will last way longer than a gift would. 

The book gave me real food for thought and helped fill my mind with good and positive stuff rather than what a loser I was and helped me ensure my key relationships are strong ones.