First Steps to Solvency

FootyFanDan

I agree with the many other comments on here recently re the goals/targets. I think it great to have aims or goals to hit as that is a driving force, I always think the day I lose drive to achieve something then put me on the scrap heap hahah! But seriously the AM is 100 percent a possibility even if you are taking the scenic (better route) to get there. I think it is commendable that you are still here battling the spend demons I truly do, given your situation and how open you are and some of the criticism you have taken it would have been easy for you to run and just spend more and ignore the issues. The posts from you whilst still regretful of old choices and a few recent ones haha are so much positive and also it certainly seems like you and your family are really benefiting from this change in you. To go from where you were to now is just a massive achievement good on you mate

Willowtree222

Have a lovely weekend. 
There's such a difference in your posts now. Almost at your budget reset date. Look what you have achieved. 

alt80

Variable spends: £1360/1550

Not been the day we’d expected. My sister and her family came over to bring gifts for Christmas. Really nice to see them. Said it’s going to be a quiet few years for us, want to cut back a bit, personally get into a better position financially as had some expensive years and still paying for it lol, put business first and work on bringing the leverage of the portfolio down a bit also. Sis couldn’t help but tell me it was about time I grew up a bit lol. Same as everyone else they asked if everything ok business wise - out of character for me cutting back ha so everyone seems to automatically think I’m struggling business wise, very glad not the case tbh. Know I’m lucky things are good, spent a long time discussing those poor souls in the hospitality/ arts/ other majorly affected industries. Really feel for them tbh. Sister and I both concerned there may be a knock on effect later for our industries. Hers likely slightly worse affected probably but well aware mine could see a slowdown too though avenues that could get busier in my line of work, just if one balances the other etc. Her husband’s work won’t be affected though so they will be fine as will I, need to believe it now tbh. Taking right steps to more sustainable future and my business should be resilient enough to weather a storm if need be could be a whole lot worse. Lockdown 1 did get me thinking about how I live tbf my staff were furloughed etc. Just lucky Rishi wants the cash the property industry brings ultimately as don’t believe the decisions are all about health personally.

We were going to go to sister’s next week to give gifts but they’d been concerned Boris would be putting us all in lockdown which is why they came here - didn’t happen to where she lives or here but really feel for London. Tbh fairly certain with NG being tier 3 they’re not meant to come here and the being outside thing only worked until someone needed to use the loo, tbh we all went inside after that. They are off work/ wfh until new year, I am too so won’t even be going anywhere really for 2 weeks anyway, can’t say I see the problem as we are all not going anywhere but probably should have just sent them away idk. Stresses me out knowing what to do. Son so happy to see his cousins though and sister is my only family in uk. First time in years had a Chinese takeaway on BILs request FML 100 won’t be having it again, it wasn’t great at all. Cracked open a bottle of Moët so Christmas definitely started here. 😆 

Not so good wife has been in floods of tears all evening thanks to BoJo. In-laws only coming Christmas Day now with the latest - at least she gets the big day with them. She’s so close to her parents and really misses them and her siblings - they are a very close family. Sister was a bit WTAF though to wife’s reaction lol. Tbh BoJo took my anger levels to a 10 seeing my wife so distressed about this. She’s still struggling to hold it together now but at least we’re not London based, don’t know how she’d cope if we couldn’t see them at all. BoJo 100 doesn’t see how he’s wrecking peoples lives in a non covid sense - he’s totally blinkered I wonder if a better shielding programme was in place for those vulnerable to covid if we’d really need all these lockdowns etc.

Nothing really done towards the selling/ debt etc today but wife did bring up potentially selling a Cartier bracelet I bought for her a few years back worth about £3.5k now and her nice watch. She doesn’t wear it often (doesn’t wear any jewellery regularly tbh) but I don’t want her to sell it or her nice watch (about £4.5k). She told me she doesn’t want to sell either but feels like we can start again with all this stuff paid and would help my state of mind told her I don’t think it would. If I’m honest I definitely remoed that bracelet and a couple of other pieces of jewellery I bought for her. As much as I don’t want this period of consolidation I think it’ll help me to spend more wisely in the future. I’m still going to buy stuff for me never going to be a saint with money. I 100 enjoy having it and spending it - that’s where I differ to most on here granted but working out how much I actually want something rather than just spaffing my money before moving onto the banks’ to keep up the image is what I need to do. Don’t want the image anymore, it’s a bit pathetic at 40 to still be trying to maintain an image of being untouchable. Lost friendships with people who were good for me through being the way I have been, definitely not gained better mates along the way though. Keeping up an image lead me to develop a major problem with spending and become complacent in business. Not going back to that. I know I’ve had a probably undeserved second chance, the blessing of a bit of time to have gained a different perspective through lockdown 1 and got myself together enough to stop burying my head over the development block too - that was nothing but a !!!!!! disaster waiting to happen had I not got my head together tbh. 100 going to seize the opportunity I’ve been given and not take opportunities for granted as I had been doing. Breaks my heart to look back at how I treated my wife and son especially this time of year 100 I shouldn’t have them. Another thing I came so close to throwing away. When I’m old I’m not going to look back and think about that extra hour I put in to complete a report a day early look good to some client rather than leaving until the next day and them still getting the report on time but I still smile when I think about taking my son to see the fish and a big walk with the dog just before we locked down for the 2nd time. Never forget that day probably sounds sad to most but meant a lot to me. Not being there isn’t going to make him think working with his dad and taking my business on is a good idea, being there and supporting him might. Tbh whatever he does I won’t push him working for me but I’d really like it to happen if I’m honest. Likewise I don’t want him getting to my age and never wanting to spend any time with me whatever he chooses to do workwise. See it with older guys in my industry with kids who don’t want to visit etc and others who have fantastic relationships with their adult kids. 

Briefly discussed a potential spends allowance for wife told her I’m sorry it’s come to this but whilst my fault for getting in the mess can’t just buy as many makeup palettes etc as she wants just because really. We did look together and it’s nearly £300 in makeup/ skincare bits that she’s bought this month. She’s got stacks and stacks of this stuff gets drawn in when they bring new colours/ combinations etc and she follows a lot of makeup girls on IG. Told me the girls on the counters always trying to get her to try new stuff FML yeah doing their job lol. Honestly the minute she said it she laughed at herself too haha. I’m on the dry January and she’s on (self imposed) no new makeup for 3 months ha see how it goes.

alt80

@FootyFanDan thanks mate. 100 agree re goals/ targets, do tend to get on with trying to achieve whatever I’m working towards when I put my mind to it. 

AM absolute dream for me, buying one for cash more like fantasy land though ha. Shouldn’t be, done the figures to know that it’s possible bit scenic route though lol but it requires the discipline 100. Probably if I don’t go mental I’ll be debt free still on here for the accountability to save for the AM haha.

Would very easy to say !!!!!! it and carry on as I was. Not gonna lie I’ve got access to a whole lot more credit - just not going to help me one bit. Being honest my wife almost walked out. 100 I’m on my last chance to sort my head out and keep my family. Focuses the mind, family a lot more important than I ever wanted to admit to myself until recently.

@Nicnak thank you. One day for budget reset... thinking there’s going to be an extra payment to the cards. Afraid I’m here for the next month putting the variable spends up everyday haha - it’s working I think.  

enthusiasticsaver

I am glad the spending limit on makeup etc for your wife went down ok.  You are both dream consumers for marketing departments.   Maybe she should delete the IG app too so she cannot be sucked in?  

I get why you do not want her to get rid of the bracelet and watch and maybe if they are a reminder of the silly spending then it is worth your wife keeping them.  The thing is that even when the cards are gone you cannot start again and go back to the bad habits.  You have to live sustainably as I think you realise but maybe she does not yet.  Going back to silly spending just because the cards are paid off will not help you live sustainably or move forward with your other goals.  You are both obviously consumerists but maybe a more mindfulness approach to spending would benefit rather than just buying stuff because you like it on IG or  feel like treating yourselves.  Delayed gratification actually does work in resetting spending habits. Thinking about things you buy rather than impulse buying and maybe not going shopping just because you are bored or feel like a day out. There are other things to do which are not as expensive as you found out when you went to the garden centre with your son.  That sounds like something you can both work on. 

I am glad you got to see your sister but sorry your wife upset about not seeing her parents but at least she sees them Christmas day.  My extended family live in the south east and their plans have also been thrown into disarray.  My sister is upset because her daughter cannot come and stay now as she is Tier 4 and my mum and stepdad have decided to isolate totally over Christmas with just my brother who is in their bubble as they are also all Tier 4.  My mum and stepdad have had the first Covid jab this week but don't get their second for a few weeks.  We are Tier 1 still so effectively life carrying on as normal except my DGD2 is isolating until Christmas day as some of the nursery staff have tested positive.  So we get Christmas day together still but my daughter and her husband are back to trying to work for the next 3 days and look after their 2 young children at the same time as we cannot help them now in case she is positive but asymptomatic as many children are. I think we will all be glad to see the back of 2020.

Glad the accountability on here is working for you.  Well done on getting to the end of your budget month without a shortfall.  

LillythePink

alt80 said:

Variable spends: £1360/1550

Not been the day we’d expected. My sister and her family came over to bring gifts for Christmas. Really nice to see them. Said it’s going to be a quiet few years for us, want to cut back a bit, personally get into a better position financially as had some expensive years and still paying for it lol, put business first and work on bringing the leverage of the portfolio down a bit also. Sis couldn’t help but tell me it was about time I grew up a bit lol. Same as everyone else they asked if everything ok business wise - out of character for me cutting back ha so everyone seems to automatically think I’m struggling business wise, very glad not the case tbh. Know I’m lucky things are good, spent a long time discussing those poor souls in the hospitality/ arts/ other majorly affected industries. Really feel for them tbh. Sister and I both concerned there may be a knock on effect later for our industries. Hers likely slightly worse affected probably but well aware mine could see a slowdown too though avenues that could get busier in my line of work, just if one balances the other etc. Her husband’s work won’t be affected though so they will be fine as will I, need to believe it now tbh. Taking right steps to more sustainable future and my business should be resilient enough to weather a storm if need be could be a whole lot worse. Lockdown 1 did get me thinking about how I live tbf my staff were furloughed etc. Just lucky Rishi wants the cash the property industry brings ultimately as don’t believe the decisions are all about health personally.

We were going to go to sister’s next week to give gifts but they’d been concerned Boris would be putting us all in lockdown which is why they came here - didn’t happen to where she lives or here but really feel for London. Tbh fairly certain with NG being tier 3 they’re not meant to come here and the being outside thing only worked until someone needed to use the loo, tbh we all went inside after that. They are off work/ wfh until new year, I am too so won’t even be going anywhere really for 2 weeks anyway, can’t say I see the problem as we are all not going anywhere but probably should have just sent them away idk. Stresses me out knowing what to do. Son so happy to see his cousins though and sister is my only family in uk. First time in years had a Chinese takeaway on BILs request FML 100 won’t be having it again, it wasn’t great at all. Cracked open a bottle of Moët so Christmas definitely started here. 😆 

Not so good wife has been in floods of tears all evening thanks to BoJo. In-laws only coming Christmas Day now with the latest - at least she gets the big day with them. She’s so close to her parents and really misses them and her siblings - they are a very close family. Sister was a bit WTAF though to wife’s reaction lol. Tbh BoJo took my anger levels to a 10 seeing my wife so distressed about this. She’s still struggling to hold it together now but at least we’re not London based, don’t know how she’d cope if we couldn’t see them at all. BoJo 100 doesn’t see how he’s wrecking peoples lives in a non covid sense - he’s totally blinkered I wonder if a better shielding programme was in place for those vulnerable to covid if we’d really need all these lockdowns etc.

Nothing really done towards the selling/ debt etc today but wife did bring up potentially selling a Cartier bracelet I bought for her a few years back worth about £3.5k now and her nice watch. She doesn’t wear it often (doesn’t wear any jewellery regularly tbh) but I don’t want her to sell it or her nice watch (about £4.5k). She told me she doesn’t want to sell either but feels like we can start again with all this stuff paid and would help my state of mind told her I don’t think it would. If I’m honest I definitely remoed that bracelet and a couple of other pieces of jewellery I bought for her. As much as I don’t want this period of consolidation I think it’ll help me to spend more wisely in the future. I’m still going to buy stuff for me never going to be a saint with money. I 100 enjoy having it and spending it - that’s where I differ to most on here granted but working out how much I actually want something rather than just spaffing my money before moving onto the banks’ to keep up the image is what I need to do. Don’t want the image anymore, it’s a bit pathetic at 40 to still be trying to maintain an image of being untouchable. Lost friendships with people who were good for me through being the way I have been, definitely not gained better mates along the way though. Keeping up an image lead me to develop a major problem with spending and become complacent in business. Not going back to that. I know I’ve had a probably undeserved second chance, the blessing of a bit of time to have gained a different perspective through lockdown 1 and got myself together enough to stop burying my head over the development block too - that was nothing but a !!!!!! disaster waiting to happen had I not got my head together tbh. 100 going to seize the opportunity I’ve been given and not take opportunities for granted as I had been doing. Breaks my heart to look back at how I treated my wife and son especially this time of year 100 I shouldn’t have them. Another thing I came so close to throwing away. When I’m old I’m not going to look back and think about that extra hour I put in to complete a report a day early look good to some client rather than leaving until the next day and them still getting the report on time but I still smile when I think about taking my son to see the fish and a big walk with the dog just before we locked down for the 2nd time. Never forget that day probably sounds sad to most but meant a lot to me. Not being there isn’t going to make him think working with his dad and taking my business on is a good idea, being there and supporting him might. Tbh whatever he does I won’t push him working for me but I’d really like it to happen if I’m honest. Likewise I don’t want him getting to my age and never wanting to spend any time with me whatever he chooses to do workwise. See it with older guys in my industry with kids who don’t want to visit etc and others who have fantastic relationships with their adult kids. 

Briefly discussed a potential spends allowance for wife told her I’m sorry it’s come to this but whilst my fault for getting in the mess can’t just buy as many makeup palettes etc as she wants just because really. We did look together and it’s nearly £300 in makeup/ skincare bits that she’s bought this month. She’s got stacks and stacks of this stuff gets drawn in when they bring new colours/ combinations etc and she follows a lot of makeup girls on IG. Told me the girls on the counters always trying to get her to try new stuff FML yeah doing their job lol. Honestly the minute she said it she laughed at herself too haha. I’m on the dry January and she’s on (self imposed) no new makeup for 3 months ha see how it goes.

Hey Alt...

I am a lurker but have been following your diary.....this post just jumps out at me as being from the heart.

Just like other members have mentioned, I have seen your posts change over time and read your initial posts before you started your diary which is why I followed it here.  I've never posted before on it but have been nodding in agreement with what others have said or advised but this one.....you have posted regrets before about your wife, son, business and of course spends, this one seems different for some reason, with more emotion but of the positive kind.

Keep going - don't dwell on the past but use it as a guide to the way forwards, which is what you look like you're doing.

RelievedSheff

Sorry your wife got so upset about the new Christmas restrictions. It is a difficult balance to weigh up what is acceptable versus what is too much risk.

Hopefully come summer covid levels will be much reduced and we can all spend more time with friends and family. 

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

Variable spends: £1360/1550

Not been the day we’d expected. My sister and her family came over to bring gifts for Christmas. Really nice to see them. Said it’s going to be a quiet few years for us, want to cut back a bit, personally get into a better position financially as had some expensive years and still paying for it lol, put business first and work on bringing the leverage of the portfolio down a bit also. Sis couldn’t help but tell me it was about time I grew up a bit lol. Same as everyone else they asked if everything ok business wise - out of character for me cutting back ha so everyone seems to automatically think I’m struggling business wise, very glad not the case tbh. Know I’m lucky things are good, spent a long time discussing those poor souls in the hospitality/ arts/ other majorly affected industries. Really feel for them tbh. Sister and I both concerned there may be a knock on effect later for our industries. Hers likely slightly worse affected probably but well aware mine could see a slowdown too though avenues that could get busier in my line of work, just if one balances the other etc. Her husband’s work won’t be affected though so they will be fine as will I, need to believe it now tbh. Taking right steps to more sustainable future and my business should be resilient enough to weather a storm if need be could be a whole lot worse. Lockdown 1 did get me thinking about how I live tbf my staff were furloughed etc. Just lucky Rishi wants the cash the property industry brings ultimately as don’t believe the decisions are all about health personally.

We were going to go to sister’s next week to give gifts but they’d been concerned Boris would be putting us all in lockdown which is why they came here - didn’t happen to where she lives or here but really feel for London. Tbh fairly certain with NG being tier 3 they’re not meant to come here and the being outside thing only worked until someone needed to use the loo, tbh we all went inside after that. They are off work/ wfh until new year, I am too so won’t even be going anywhere really for 2 weeks anyway, can’t say I see the problem as we are all not going anywhere but probably should have just sent them away idk. Stresses me out knowing what to do. Son so happy to see his cousins though and sister is my only family in uk. First time in years had a Chinese takeaway on BILs request FML 100 won’t be having it again, it wasn’t great at all. Cracked open a bottle of Moët so Christmas definitely started here. 😆 

Not so good wife has been in floods of tears all evening thanks to BoJo. In-laws only coming Christmas Day now with the latest - at least she gets the big day with them. She’s so close to her parents and really misses them and her siblings - they are a very close family. Sister was a bit WTAF though to wife’s reaction lol. Tbh BoJo took my anger levels to a 10 seeing my wife so distressed about this. She’s still struggling to hold it together now but at least we’re not London based, don’t know how she’d cope if we couldn’t see them at all. BoJo 100 doesn’t see how he’s wrecking peoples lives in a non covid sense - he’s totally blinkered I wonder if a better shielding programme was in place for those vulnerable to covid if we’d really need all these lockdowns etc.

Nothing really done towards the selling/ debt etc today but wife did bring up potentially selling a Cartier bracelet I bought for her a few years back worth about £3.5k now and her nice watch. She doesn’t wear it often (doesn’t wear any jewellery regularly tbh) but I don’t want her to sell it or her nice watch (about £4.5k). She told me she doesn’t want to sell either but feels like we can start again with all this stuff paid and would help my state of mind told her I don’t think it would. If I’m honest I definitely remoed that bracelet and a couple of other pieces of jewellery I bought for her. As much as I don’t want this period of consolidation I think it’ll help me to spend more wisely in the future. I’m still going to buy stuff for me never going to be a saint with money. I 100 enjoy having it and spending it - that’s where I differ to most on here granted but working out how much I actually want something rather than just spaffing my money before moving onto the banks’ to keep up the image is what I need to do. Don’t want the image anymore, it’s a bit pathetic at 40 to still be trying to maintain an image of being untouchable. Lost friendships with people who were good for me through being the way I have been, definitely not gained better mates along the way though. Keeping up an image lead me to develop a major problem with spending and become complacent in business. Not going back to that. I know I’ve had a probably undeserved second chance, the blessing of a bit of time to have gained a different perspective through lockdown 1 and got myself together enough to stop burying my head over the development block too - that was nothing but a !!!!!! disaster waiting to happen had I not got my head together tbh. 100 going to seize the opportunity I’ve been given and not take opportunities for granted as I had been doing. Breaks my heart to look back at how I treated my wife and son especially this time of year 100 I shouldn’t have them. Another thing I came so close to throwing away. When I’m old I’m not going to look back and think about that extra hour I put in to complete a report a day early look good to some client rather than leaving until the next day and them still getting the report on time but I still smile when I think about taking my son to see the fish and a big walk with the dog just before we locked down for the 2nd time. Never forget that day probably sounds sad to most but meant a lot to me. Not being there isn’t going to make him think working with his dad and taking my business on is a good idea, being there and supporting him might. Tbh whatever he does I won’t push him working for me but I’d really like it to happen if I’m honest. Likewise I don’t want him getting to my age and never wanting to spend any time with me whatever he chooses to do workwise. See it with older guys in my industry with kids who don’t want to visit etc and others who have fantastic relationships with their adult kids. 

Briefly discussed a potential spends allowance for wife told her I’m sorry it’s come to this but whilst my fault for getting in the mess can’t just buy as many makeup palettes etc as she wants just because really. We did look together and it’s nearly £300 in makeup/ skincare bits that she’s bought this month. She’s got stacks and stacks of this stuff gets drawn in when they bring new colours/ combinations etc and she follows a lot of makeup girls on IG. Told me the girls on the counters always trying to get her to try new stuff FML yeah doing their job lol. Honestly the minute she said it she laughed at herself too haha. I’m on the dry January and she’s on (self imposed) no new makeup for 3 months ha see how it goes.

Must be a good feeling to have told your sister, a weight lifted. Seems like you’re gaining a bit of perspective on the situation too. Yes, you’re having to compromise on lifestyle, yes it’s hard but ultimately you’ve still got a great lifestyle, lovely family, lovely home, nice cars, son in private school, lots of luxuries and nice clothes. Naturally we always want more but you’re realising you can have more when the debt is gone and you’ve saved/grown the business. So much to look forward to and hope for. Your sister sounds like a good egg.

 £100 on Chinese, didn’t even know that was possible with a takeaway Guessing your BIL didn’t offer to contribute again But there you go, you may feel like you’re struggling but at least you can still afford to treat the family every now and then.

Can understand your sister’s reaction to the wife getting upset (I’d also be a bit !!!!!!) but then I’m not close to my parents like your wife obviously is to hers. Also got to appreciate she’s had a lot to deal with as well and as annoying as the in laws are, they’re clearly her crutch. (This is more me thinking aloud, sure you’ve already figured this, ha - think I’m a bit harsh in situations like this as my immediate reaction is “grow a pair” but probably stems from my own issues ha). It does really suck though. Feel for mates in London who are now stuck there, especially the sensible ones who haven’t been going out and lashing it up with big crowds. Mates parents divorced not that long ago and both he and his brother are in London so their mum now has to spend Christmas alone. The whole situation had been handled really poorly, didn’t take a genius to see this coming. Should’ve had tighter restrictions in the run up to Christmas, stabilise things and then open up for Christmas week while acknowledging things would obviously spike again and we’d have tight restrictions again after Christmas. They’re a bunch of clowns. Also feels like this “new strain” is just a way of defending their ineptitude and having some kind of plausible deniability. Given that one of the inherent features of COVID is how rapidly it spreads and it’s not exactly a surprise that viruses mutate Can’t stand politics, it’s all about dodging accountability...think I’m in the wrong job

Great that you and the wife have had an open conversation about the spends and I think it’s fair. I know you feel responsible but as others have said, she doesn’t work and a lot of your lifestyle choices are a joint decision, plus you can’t do this alone. I know your wife has been very supportive and stepped up in a lot of ways but it’s not unreasonable to think spending £300 on make up that she has plenty of anyway needs to be nipped in the bud. Clearly she understands that though. Can she take any back?

Thought about doing dry jan for charity? Gives a bit of accountability then. 

Feel you on the champagne, I’m ready to hook up a port drip and just sit in a chair in a drunken stupor to see out the rest of this !!!!!! year

Willowtree222

One more sleep to budget reset and hoping you make it.
If she's laughing then she can obviously see the makeup is a big spend and the sales assistants are doing their job really well! My ex used to call me a sales dream as I'd go for everything.
The watch and bracelet can always be replaced with something she will wear at a later date. If she wants to sell them then you could always out an I OU in there and have a target.
I always want to buy stuff, and I don't think mine will ever stop. My desire to work part time and have a day to take and pick my daughter up over takes that 90% of the time. I have found something worth more than any shopping trip or handbag. 
Your comment about spending an hour report writing or being with your son brought back memories. In hospital, my thoughts were of regret of all the extra hours I had spent at work just finishing something rather than getting home.
You're still young enough to fix everything and then have the life you want with the lessons you have learned. 
Have a lovely day.

ladyholly

The best bit of your post was the pleasure you are still getting from your outing to see the fish with your son. It really made me smile for you. 
I can understand your wife being upset but at least she can see them on Christmas day.  If the new variant covid is as infectious as they think it is for the best. I would love to see my. BiL as I haven't been since Oct as he is 88 and is my only older relative (sort of). Haven't seen daughter since the summer and oldest granddaughter all year. I think bBoris was hoping to hold off more restrictions until after Christmas but statistics have shown more urgent action needed. Germany, Netherlands and several other countries in the same boat.