First Steps to Solvency

warby68

It really sounds like dealing with the substances (including alcohol and coffee) has had a profound effect. You're still you but not the 'monster wheels' version. Its so noticeable. 
Christmas Eve boxes - seems to be another recent commercial hype thing. We always did new PJs and a DVD for Christmas Eve but these are just another pressure to compete it seems. I get why wife doesn't want son to be odd one out - that's how it works. I would have been the same although muttering resentfully about it and not going OTT.
Hope you have a lovely few days - it feels like you and your wife can be a good team again. 
I would love to be doing Christmas morning with a 7y old again. You're going to see it through different eyes.
Well done on the budget - try and stick to it today for the box. Feels like there might be a bit of temptation with wife wanting to spend too and a potential 'what the heck' moment but honestly a 7y old won't price up the items. It will be all about the fun. 
Take care. 

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

Variable spends: £1470/1550.

Need to venture out for son’s Christmas Eve box tomorrow as not bought yet - anyone else even remember this being a thing? I don’t. Wife says we need to do it, don’t want son being only kid without one FML. Budget reset 26th. Christmas Day going to be a no spends day. Not going to Boxing Day sales so should be good start to next month too. Just tomorrow and Christmas Eve to get through. Probably get a Starbucks or similar Christmas Eve tbh and need to buy this Christmas Eve box tomorrow hoping £50 will do that.

Tired again tonight - slowly getting a bit of a sleep pattern back. Also had counselling session for substance use. That session actually really useful for the mindset re debt too trying to fill a void with money or other stuff not really going to work in long run never enough money or coke in the world to do that. Need to learn to live with myself not always trying to be some kind of untouchable version that’s in my head. Glad I’ve reached a turning point and sorting myself out. Not easy and not a day goes by I don’t either think about spending a load of money or getting !!!!!! up or both. Know it’s no good for me, business or my family. Used to think I worked better on it powered me through a fair few all-nighters now just think there was no need for any of that, feel !!!!!! for ages after and less productive so cycle starts again along with the massive downers so go and spend money to cheer myself up a bit. Gets worse with age too. Know a couple of blokes in their 50s still doing it really don’t know how. Start doubting myself so do it again for a buzz, keep going back despite what it does. Counsellor and GP think it’s contributed to my anxiety issues, tbh the full blown panic attacks correspond with periods of abusing substances. I didn’t do it all the time, don’t get me wrong but looking back it 100 hasn’t helped me was getting into a bit of a bad way with it when starting on the debt journey but believed wife none the wiser FML. Probably explains some of my more mental posts tbh.

Wife said today it’s like living with the man she met. Both of us bonded over a liking for nice things but I used to cook for her quite a bit then look after her more not take her for granted, past few days I’ve cooked and looked after the house and son. Less knackered when working lol but been good to spend time with son and wife also just being at home too. Son wrecking me lol full of energy and wife thinks he’s excited to have dad not just holed up in the home office all day. Said to counsellor I’m blessed really, not too many in this city better off than I am, know that but always needed next level. Still want more, always will I think but time to have a bit of appreciation for how lucky I am. On this payback for a while need to learn to live with it or just going to get so far and think !!!!!! it. Hoping quiet few years will do me good tbh just focus on business and family.

I’ve never heard of a Christmas Eve box but if it’s relatively inexpensive and keeps the wife happy! Sort of thing that you can budget for in future. Though the “he’ll. be the only kid that doesn’t have one” thing is a part of that whole keeping up with the jones’ mentality. As if kids are going to be at school in the new year chatting about their Christmas Eve box But as a nice thing to do as a family, fair enough :-)

With you on the sleep, mines been messed up (probably stress) but finally sleeping through until 6/7am rather than waking up at 3am. It will make a big difference. 

Counselling also sounds really productive. I know it’s tough but you’re spot on. It is about learning to live with how you feel about yourself, understand it and overcome it. Completely know what you mean re: never enough. It’s good you’re seeing that. The new counselling seems like it’s hitting the spot. Took me a while to find one that worked for me but the difference is staggering when you do. Keep it up!

Hear you on the anxiety and panic attacks. Friend of mine stopped doing it for that reason. They’re quite anxious anyway and would sit there looking at the heart rate on their smart watch worrying they were going to have a heart attack. I laugh but it was like “dude, what’s the point if you aren’t enjoying it”.

What a lovely thing for your wife to say, must’ve given you a bit of a buzz/warm fuzzy feeling inside? Exactly, not too many in the world that are better off, dude. That’s both family wise and financially. :-)

RelievedSheff

We never had Christmas Eve boxes but we did usually get something on Christmas Eve,  normally a new pair of pyjamas or something along those lines. 

I think the boxes are just another money making scheme and as someone else already said, he isn't going to be chatting with friends about what he did or didn't get in his box.

Make it something cheap yet cheerful as a nice gesture.

Sun_Addict

The Christmas Eve boxes are quite recent, I never used to do them for my kids, although I used to buy them a book, PJs and hot chocolate. I don't think you need to spend as much as £50.

It's a pleasure to read how you're enjoying spending time with your family. You sound so much happier and settled, long may it last.

Willowtree222

We have a Christmas Eve box. You can get them from supermarkets or home bargains etc for less than £5. You can put anything you want in them. 
DD isn't actually that bothered by ours. 
You could get it below £50. I used to put the carrot, mince pie etc in it for Santa. As well as hot chocolate, a dvd, some sweets. 

enthusiasticsaver

I agree that your posts recently have changed to a calmer more reflective type than the frantic all over the place ones you were posting a month or so ago. Steering clear of the substance abuse and alcohol sounds like it is working anyway.

Christmas boxes just sound like another way of keeping up with the Jones so I would tone that down. Thankfully my daughter and her husband don't feel the pressure to follow the crowd and although they bought Christmas pyjamas for their two daughters they gave them to them at the beginning of December. As my daughter said what's the point of giving them to them Christmas Eve? They have been wearing them on and off all month (obviously been washed though haha). They don't bother with the elf on the shelf either as they think that would freak my eldest granddaughter out thinking there were naughty elves running round the house at night. PJs, hit chocolate and a Christmas story book sound great so don't let your wife get sucked into any sort of one upmanship. Tempting I know when he goes to a private school but I doubt 7 year olds compare Xmas boxes. 

alt80

Thanks everyone, things are a bit better at the moment tbh just hope I can keep my head in the right place.

Wife gone out for the Christmas Eve box I'm drowning in Nativity hell because son 'can't know' what's in his box FML. Beyond my threshold for these Christmas films now tbh. 100 agree re her 'keeping up' with the box. She's gone into town so 100 it's a JL trip. Won't be surprised if she doesn't come back with a load of stuff actually a bit on edge about it, told her I don't want the budget blown she just laughed and told me to loosen up a bit. Not looking great.

@warby68 yeah definitely the alcohol/ coffee too tbh I don't think I realised how much it was all affecting me. Not going to become some kind of vegan teetotal but am being more mindful about it all and cutting it back. Thanks. Not gonna lie Christmas Day morning I've usually got a massive hangover and ashamed to say son's excitement just been an annoyance to me so yeah think I will see it different, not going to get wasted tomorrow.

@ryanm8655 sorting the sleep is definitely my goal over Christmas, not too much excess should help - one of the reasons I'm cooking tbh less time drinking.

Nothing ever going to be enough for me think that's something I'm just going to have to live with.

FML re your mate haha that's genuinely hilarious. Just another reason a smart watch isn't a good idea. 

@enthusiasticsaver 100 agree re the boxes / PJs - Christmas ones on Christmas Eve going to be worn for a week ha. Your daughter probably got right idea about it.

RelievedSheff

Don't be fooled into thinking cooking = less drinking time. It is quite the opposite 🤣🤣🤣

FootyFanDan

Loving the positive vibe your posts are sending mate! Its also really nice to read that the family time seems to be paying off. I think the amount you have turned yourself around in such a short space of time is an incredible achievement, the journey is a long one of course, but if you can keep this mindset it is going to be a successful one.

Ah the old xmas eve box lol....we tend to just get the daughter a book/dvd and a nice hot chocolate with some PJs...oh and some reindeer food...haha! I get why your wife wants to do it as it is a nice family thing but agree it certainly doesn't need to be extravagant for sure.

warby68

RelievedSheff said:

Don't be fooled into thinking cooking = less drinking time. It is quite the opposite 🤣🤣🤣

Absolutely. I drink while I cook and as I cook for about 3h when its Christmas Dinner there is plenty of scope. Means I'm always happy with the results though and not too worried about what I've forgotten. Always something discovered lurking in the fridge a few days later