First Steps to Solvency

RelievedSheff

warby68 said:

RelievedSheff said:

Don't be fooled into thinking cooking = less drinking time. It is quite the opposite 🤣🤣🤣

Absolutely. I drink while I cook and as I cook for about 3h when its Christmas Dinner there is plenty of scope. Means I'm always happy with the results though and not too worried about what I've forgotten. Always something discovered lurking in the fridge a few days later

Same here. I forgot the pigs in blankets last year 🤣🤣🤣

Andyjflet

alt80 said:

Variable spends: £1470/1550.

Need to venture out for son’s Christmas Eve box tomorrow as not bought yet - anyone else even remember this being a thing? I don’t. Wife says we need to do it, don’t want son being only kid without one FML. Budget reset 26th. Christmas Day going to be a no spends day. Not going to Boxing Day sales so should be good start to next month too. Just tomorrow and Christmas Eve to get through. Probably get a Starbucks or similar Christmas Eve tbh and need to buy this Christmas Eve box tomorrow hoping £50 will do that.

I hate this media and retail led example of ripping off consumers, my ex wife still does this and I'm glad I am not part of it anymore, what a con. 

alt80

Wife back bought son the Christmas Eve box all sensible - a box, some treats, a mug for his hot choc and some non Christmas PJs can be worn all year. All fine probably was about £50. She’s also spent £750 on an iPad Air, Apple Pencil and case for it. This is for son. She told me not his fault I’m in debt and he’s asked for an iPad from Santa - I knew that already and felt bad enough about it. We were going to tell him Santa had been very busy this year and needed to give a little extra to children whose families had been more affected by Covid but wife now decided he’s getting his present ‘because lockdown??’ and ‘our son will be only kid at school with an older model’ WTAF - explains the sudden need for the surprise Christmas Eve box tbh. Don’t even know what to say to her tbh don’t want it to get in the way of progress and determined to not go on a rage but thats over £1.1k this month she’s spent in makeup / skincare / iPad. 100 when son opens that FIL will comment about me buying it whilst in debt and sending him to the school etc he’s commented on Christmas gifts before but don’t think I can take it this time. Likewise school according to FIL all on me that decision too. It is what it is need to get myself together try to get through and workout how to sort the figures out, can’t even face spreadsheet though. Keep opening excel and closing it straight after ha.

@RelievedSheff/ @warby68 Cooking and drinking the wine haha as tempting as that is probably a bad combination for me.

@FootyFanDan thanks mate. Not gonna lie I’m concerned about being able to keep my current mindset. Working to a budget is helping me know what I’ve got to work with etc also seeing the balances coming down and realisation it could be extra income producing units. Being more objective generally. Getting out of the spending tomorrow’s money yesterday mindset. Yeah I’ve got plans for when I’m debt free for things I want to save for that aren’t necessarily wise buys. Never going to live an entirely frugal existence it’s just not right for me. I still like the luxuries but maybe think about buying investment pieces that won’t lose money or if they do need to get some value out of them. Genuinely think I’ll be taking my son to uni in current RR get my value from it lol.

@Andyjflet I know what you mean mate I never thought I was particularly taken in by advertising etc but tbh I was for some things. Others I’d buy anyway and I’m ok with that. 

Hope you can still see kids with covid restrictions. 

RelievedSheff

I think you have to sit down and have the conversation with your wife about the spending and it isn't too late to take the ipad back.

alt80

@RelievedSheff I’ve almost lost it once not going to be accused of spoiling Christmas. 

FootyFanDan

Wow! The wife literally pretty much wiped out the progress in not even and hour! I get it may well not be sons fault that your in debt but that is insane. It feels to me like the FIL is pretty keen to put a lot of the blame for the situation on you yet whilst your wife is out throwing 1k about like there is no tomorrow. This has to be a joint effort, whilst you have made some errors of judgement the fact is you are trying to fix finances. I appreciate you don't wanna kick off and cause an argument but if this is to be a success she has to take on board the changes you are trying to make.  Its no good you making all these changes for wife to undo it  - there has to be some balance

Spending / having goals and things you want to buy when you are debt free is a good place - the craving to buy will maybe never go away but whilst you are not getting into more debt for it and its budgeted for then its all good. 

stymied

Oh no! I really feel for you. I doubt you’ll be able to get her to change her mind at this point. At least you can sell the old iPad to recoup some of the cost. You’ll need to head off the FIL at the door so to speak and mention wife’s purchase else it may be too difficult to keep the anger in check.

Regroup and pull together after Christmas. It is not just you that is in debt & your wife needs to understand that.

JGB1955

Well done for not losing it with your wife - I wouldn't have been able to keep calm under those circumstances.

alt80

@FootyFanDan Yeah it's not great tbh I think he'll just wreck the ipad within not very long too. His other is a mess tbh doubt it's worth anything but can throw it on ebay after Christmas see if it gets any interest. Hope I can work it out got a bit towards it left in the variables and thinking it can come out of the money we have saved for EF/ stuff next year. Not staying on the card I can't deal with that now. Know £750 shouldn't break my !!!!!! month but it is what it is until the payback sorted.

Ha FIL thinks wife is a saint generally everything all my fault lol. Mind when he's got his daughter ringing him first thing in the morning telling him about my vices tbh my son did that when he's her age I'd probably not react well. Dreading seeing him as it is even though he's been ok on phone ha. She does spend not to my extent but little bits all the time if I added everything up she spends it's about £650/m on 'stuff' plus the beauty spends she's covering. I can't really say anything though.

@stymied Not a chance her mind will change she'll tell me to take stuff back (fair) but won't do it herself. I did ask her if she would take it back - she won't. I'm not mentioning a thing to FIL lol I mention something 100 it'll be a lecture on the fact I shouldn't have a debt problem in the first place.

Tbh wife and I had a conversation about her small spends in the past she just says doesn't add up to my car payments (true tbf) and I'm the one 'out buying houses all the time' that winds me up beyond all belief ha not like I'm buying them for a laugh. 

Willowtree222

I'm surprised you kept it together so well. I wouldn't have at all. iPads aren't as good for kids as some of the other brands. 
I'd be cancelling the credit card so she can't do it again, but that's me and is probably harsh.
It's right that your son isnt responsible for your debt but his self worth in school shouldn't be measured against material possessions either. Your self worth is more than that and that's what you are trying to change. 
Sure you'll resolve it and get back on track.