First Steps to Solvency

RelievedSheff

A good night's sleep is important to kick off a fresh day on a firm footing.

theoretica

How do you feel when you are actually doing the boot camp?  Do you experience the spending cravings so much?  Because for me it is very important to have mentally absorbing activities - just sitting around or dabbling on the internet and all my own thoughts come in. Do something that needs a bit of concentration and focus and they tend to shut up. I've never taken to 'meditation', but distraction works.  Also it's harder to spend money when you're doing something else.

mamamu

Happy belated birthday Alt!!!!

What a refreshing read! So happy  for you

alt80

I do make it sound like I hate exercise and just want to eat junk food all the time on here ha @theoretica 100 that's not the case. I'm not as into exercise as my wife is granted and not gonna lie I get a bigger high from spending/ other stuff but I do enjoy exercise. Just like the family stuff struggle to find the motivation though once started really get into it. Going to start the running again when my ankle is properly sorted - getting there with it now.

Agreed re sleep. GP isn't particularly helpful on that front tbh mentioned it today just a load of chat about getting into a sleep routine lol. Tbf this is the digital GP through bupa and not convinced amazing. I am still registered with local NHS GP so might see them if they're not just dealing with corona or might just have to get my wallet out and see a different GP in person. In my experience the private ones have been more willing to actually get stuff done/ actually give me something tbh. It's getting ridiculous now and affecting my ability to function tbh. Caught the anger/ spending/ other stuff demons today before too late to wind it in but on my 8th coffee of the day ha.

plu

alt80 said:
[deleted]

Agreed re sleep. GP isn't particularly helpful on that front tbh mentioned it today just a load of chat about getting into a sleep routine lol. Tbf this is the digital GP through bupa and not convinced amazing. I am still registered with local NHS GP so might see them if they're not just dealing with corona or might just have to get my wallet out and see a different GP in person. In my experience the private ones have been more willing to actually get stuff done/ actually give me something tbh. It's getting ridiculous now and affecting my ability to function tbh. Caught the anger/ spending/ other stuff demons today before too late to wind it in but on my 8th coffee of the day ha.

Wrt sleep, taking a pill to cover an underlying issue is not a long-term strategy, but, having said that, I can recommend Boots Sleepeze tablets. They are non-prescription,  you  just purchase them from the pharmacy counter. They have helped me.
(Not sleeping for stress is awful: and wishing you luck in all this)

RelievedSheff

Lay off the coffee and you might be in with a better chance of having a restful nights sleep.

Sarahwithlove

It's frustrating when you can't sleep and just end up getting in a cycle I had similiar issue for months. It effects your mood and then you feel down and then can't sleep even more. Only thing to go is try and break the cycle. 

enthusiasticsaver

I went through a  phase of not being able to sleep about 10 years ago and was prescribed  sleeping tablets after I tried relaxation techniques, warm baths, lavender under the pillow etc etc.  They sent me into a deep sleep every night but  coming off them after a month was awful. Dreadful withdrawal symptoms  but they did get me back into the swing of a regular nights sleep.   I have found the best way of getting a good nights sleep is no caffeine after 5 pm and limit screen time in the evening and bed at a reasonable time. I read before bed which tends to  make me sleepy.  If I cant sleep now I just get up and read but I don't have to work the next day so different situation. 

Purplelady65

I’ve read your diary from the start and what a compelling read! I tend to read bits and pieces of posts but yours is the first diary I’ve read from start to finish and inspired me to register with MSE so I can post. Happy Birthday for yesterday. Sorry this post is so long but it’s my first post after reading 155 pages of your diary! I have actually cut it down from the original.

You have been given loads of fantastic advice and support from the other posters in relation to reducing and clearing your debt and growing your business so I’ve nothing further to add there apart from to keep going and see it through.

In terms of your mental wellbeing you appear to be in turmoil with a lot of inner conflict and strong emotions. Re the sleeping problems it might be worth you looking at Sleepio which is a clinically evidence based programme based on CBT.  It’s not cheap (I think it’s around £200 or so) but it might be worth the investment if it improves your sleep. There is nothing worse than not being able to sleep.

You have put in place a number of strategies to stop or reduce your spending but I think the strategies are really only addressing the symptoms of the problem rather than the cause and until you address those it is likely you will remain in a state of conflict. You obviously have some self-awareness around your behaviour and the impact it has on others but then seem to be in a state of conflicting emotions and thoughts to control it.

Re the counselling you have said in previous posts that you had accessed it through your business insurance. You haven’t mentioned it recently as to how it is going. Do you know if your counsellor is qualified in any additional talking therapies besides the counselling qualification? There is so much going on in your head I am wondering, given the complexities you have described in your posts, if you would be better off paying to see a clinical psychologist privately (assuming you are unable to access one through your insurance). Clinical psychologists are trained in a wide range of talking therapies which may be of greater benefit to you and allow you to unpack all the issues which have led to the overspending but also explore some of the other issues e.g. guilt around your past behaviour towards your family, identity wrapped up in the accumulation of material possessions, the constant self-criticism e.t.c.   

Having read all your posts I do think your wife does want to stay with you and make it work. Your recent behaviour would have given her the perfect get out clause to bail but she hasn’t. You describe taking the role of a bystander / observer when you go out as a family. As you really enjoyed the recent day out with just your son could you make that a regular activity even if it’s going out for a couple of hours once a week. If there’s only the two of you then taking the role of the third wheel isn’t an option.   

I admire your honesty in sharing the less attractive aspects of your personality and behaviour as you could easily have omitted these details. You are trying to become a better person, husband and father otherwise you wouldn’t be posting on here, responding to the other posts, reflecting on your past behaviour, and taking actions to improve so even if the journey ahead looks very difficult please don’t lose sight of what you are trying to achieve and the efforts you are making.  

alt80

Thanks at the current stage I just want the GP to give me the drugs tbh. Feel dreadful all day but wide awake at way past midnight and keep waking up through the night almost every night. Not helped myself with the overuse of coffee and other stimulants tbf but need something just to get through the day. I’m exhausted from the lack of sleep and on edge from all the stimulants winning combination there lol. Mental state not amazing generally but lack of sleep making it worse. Getting through but would be nice for every day not to be a massive struggle.

Wife’s had someone messing her around about an item we’ve got for sale, said they wanted to buy then sending through stupid offers. Not too happy about the lack of sales and card debts haven’t gone down by much more than min payments after a £10k reduction last month so quite angry about that. Bit embarrassed I smashed it last month and no where near my target of £5k this month. Mrs tells me it’s becoming another thing for me to get angry about, not a competition etc. Told her I want the cards gone, strike it through and move on.