First Steps to Solvency

DancingInTheRain

Another one delurking to say happy birthday!
I also had my 40th earlier this year and it definitely makes you stop, think & re-evaluate a few things, especially when it feels like only 5 minutes since the last big birthday, right? 😳
Your diary is definitely one to watch, I think you'll surprise yourself at just how well you succeed but as you know it takes a lot of hard work & commitment, good luck & keep going!

Legs21

Happy birthday!

I have been following your diary since the start and cannot believe how well you are doing and how far you’ve come already, even though it probably doesn’t feel like it to you. Your mindset is slowly changing and you will get there eventually. You’ll learn to appreciate what you do have, not pine for what you don’t. We are all behind you trying to push you forwards.

I can totally relate to the FIL issue, my ex husband used to tell his Mum everything and it turned her against me without me having to say a word. Now that I have my own grown up son I completely understand that my ex MIL was just looking out for her son, even though she only had 1 side of the story! You’ll be exactly the same with your son when he’s older. You’ll always have his back whether he’s right or wrong. 

Keep posting here whether you’re having a good day or bad. It can sometimes help to get those feelings down on (virtual) paper. 

If a friend told you they were up to their neck in debt with car(s) that we’re draining their monthly income, taking money out of their business to fund their spending addiction and on the lookout for a 7 figure house, what advice would you give them? Sometimes we need to step out of our lives and look in through someone else’s eyes to see what we need to do to make it better. 

I really do wish you the best on this debt busting/mindset changing journey. We all know you can do it, it’s just trying to convince you that you can do it is the hard part for us. 

L x

NorthernSoulSouthernLife

Happy birthday 🥳

alt80

Thanks all. 

Strange day really having a birthday in lockdown conditions no where to go for a drink or dinner. Few drinks tonight over dinner at home. Did get out with wife this afternoon went to development block climbed up to the top and sat on the scaffolding for half an hour with a coffee out of a flask. Rubbish weather too lol. Also went to new project wondered round the outside of the empty place like a pair of reprobates. Last of the great romantics I am ha. She let me indulge in talking property nothing spent win win. 

FILs letter wasn't what I thought it would be tbh good piece of advice for anyone on the payback/ finding life difficult actually - today is the first day of the rest of your life. Not been an easy day today, not felt amazing been a struggle in some ways but I thought about that when I was sent a good property opportunity 100 can't do it now but spoke to a few people I know might be interested get the management potentially. Didn't let the negativity win. Counselling & GP tomorrow.

@getmore4less I was initially hoping to split and sell. Right now thinking a mix of some sell, some let and manage the block. Really positive to see an end tbh learned a lot from this one.

You've hit the nail on the head with my demons definitely chains of events that set me off right about not noticing though.

Wife said why don't I tell people I'm putting my business first when they inevitably find about about the ftype. Always been too proud to admit sometimes a period of consolidation / reflection required need to move on from that grow up a bit.

Ha know what you mean re Christmas definitely easier to throw money around lol.

She'd love an extended trip to Greece. My parents will be working for all the time we're there so we will get lots of time to ourselves and unlike her parents mine don't really interfere. Moan about her and I'm told I need to talk it through with her ha.

@enthusiasticsaver Sorry to hear re MIL but lol re Sunday mornings - people get wrapped up in their own routines don’t they?

Haha re lefty socialist - they are so are the three other children and the in-laws. I’m about as right wing as you get economically speaking tbh but socially centrist with some left leaning beliefs on certain areas of policy. Mixed up just like the rest of my head lol.

Honestly think my wife involves her parents all the time because she was so young when we met, she gave up work quickly and in some ways never really quite grew up in the real world tbh never went through the FTB stage / establishing in a career / business etc. For her life has been all been about how fit she is mean that in both ways lol and housework stuff. 

Stuff that could go back wheels put in motion. Right thing to do definitely. 

Wife’s never been into anything stronger than a drink and we’ve had some big rows about my liking for it on a night out in the past but yeah it pushed her to her limits genuinely think last chance on that front this time. You’re right about the last few times tbh - skating on thin ice and not about having a good time. Not something I’m proud of at all.

You’ve made me realise only a week to go until new budget. Will be reimbursing BTL account in full and made a stupid miscalculation so current account in o/d by next week. At least it’s all interest free lol but December going to be tough to keep to the budget tbh.

@maddiemay / @DancingInTheRain Yeah don’t love the ‘milestone’ birthdays either, well did until 30 hit found wife turning 30 really difficult not for her for me - felt I go an extra shot at 20s through most of my thirties because she was still in her twenties haha. True re doesn’t seem 5 mins since 30 fml.

First time in a long time I’m looking forward to work starting again on the block tbh bit of light at the end of the tunnel there.

@Legs21 Almost stopped posting many times ha mainly after writing something !!!!!! shameful then going back to delete but someone quoted / mentioned. Does help in a strange way get the thoughts down. Had some great advice, couple of people on here have really helped me to make a big push on the business which just hadn’t been there for a few years. Probably why I keep posting tbh been a pivotal moment for me getting back to growth rather than coasting along just waiting for the next level angry it’s not here yet. Might sound dramatic attributing a shift in mindset on the business to moaning about my personal debts and getting advice from strangers but it isn’t. Truly got me back into it and genuinely can’t thank @getmore4less @warby68 enough for that. 

If I ever get to the stage of appreciating what I have not pining for what I don’t I’m truly winning tbf. Don’t believe that’ll ever happen but who knows.

Yeah in-laws definitely just looking out for their daughter tbh I do get that. She’s their youngest too and I’m everything they don’t like about the world - never a recipe for an amazing relationship there haha.

Know what you mean if a mate said that I’d probably ask them why they were throwing their life away, get spending under control, concentrate on putting business first. It’s mental I know that much. 

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

Thanks all. 

Strange day really having a birthday in lockdown conditions no where to go for a drink or dinner. Few drinks tonight over dinner at home. Did get out with wife this afternoon went to development block climbed up to the top and sat on the scaffolding for half an hour with a coffee out of a flask. Rubbish weather too lol. Also went to new project wondered round the outside of the empty place like a pair of reprobates. Last of the great romantics I am ha. She let me indulge in talking property nothing spent win win. 

FILs letter wasn't what I thought it would be tbh good piece of advice for anyone on the payback/ finding life difficult actually - today is the first day of the rest of your life. Not been an easy day today, not felt amazing been a struggle in some ways but I thought about that when I was sent a good property opportunity 100 can't do it now but spoke to a few people I know might be interested get the management potentially. Didn't let the negativity win. Counselling & GP tomorrow.

@getmore4less I was initially hoping to split and sell. Right now thinking a mix of some sell, some let and manage the block. Really positive to see an end tbh learned a lot from this one.

You've hit the nail on the head with my demons definitely chains of events that set me off right about not noticing though.

Wife said why don't I tell people I'm putting my business first when they inevitably find about about the ftype. Always been too proud to admit sometimes a period of consolidation / reflection required need to move on from that grow up a bit.

Ha know what you mean re Christmas definitely easier to throw money around lol.

She'd love an extended trip to Greece. My parents will be working for all the time we're there so we will get lots of time to ourselves and unlike her parents mine don't really interfere. Moan about her and I'm told I need to talk it through with her ha.

@enthusiasticsaver Sorry to hear re MIL but lol re Sunday mornings - people get wrapped up in their own routines don’t they?

Haha re lefty socialist - they are so are the three other children and the in-laws. I’m about as right wing as you get economically speaking tbh but socially centrist with some left leaning beliefs on certain areas of policy. Mixed up just like the rest of my head lol.

Honestly think my wife involves her parents all the time because she was so young when we met, she gave up work quickly and in some ways never really quite grew up in the real world tbh never went through the FTB stage / establishing in a career / business etc. For her life has been all been about how fit she is mean that in both ways lol and housework stuff. 

Stuff that could go back wheels put in motion. Right thing to do definitely. 

Wife’s never been into anything stronger than a drink and we’ve had some big rows about my liking for it on a night out in the past but yeah it pushed her to her limits genuinely think last chance on that front this time. You’re right about the last few times tbh - skating on thin ice and not about having a good time. Not something I’m proud of at all.

You’ve made me realise only a week to go until new budget. Will be reimbursing BTL account in full and made a stupid miscalculation so current account in o/d by next week. At least it’s all interest free lol but December going to be tough to keep to the budget tbh.

@maddiemay / @DancingInTheRain Yeah don’t love the ‘milestone’ birthdays either, well did until 30 hit found wife turning 30 really difficult not for her for me - felt I go an extra shot at 20s through most of my thirties because she was still in her twenties haha. True re doesn’t seem 5 mins since 30 fml.

First time in a long time I’m looking forward to work starting again on the block tbh bit of light at the end of the tunnel there.

@Legs21 Almost stopped posting many times ha mainly after writing something !!!!!! shameful then going back to delete but someone quoted / mentioned. Does help in a strange way get the thoughts down. Had some great advice, couple of people on here have really helped me to make a big push on the business which just hadn’t been there for a few years. Probably why I keep posting tbh been a pivotal moment for me getting back to growth rather than coasting along just waiting for the next level angry it’s not here yet. Might sound dramatic attributing a shift in mindset on the business to moaning about my personal debts and getting advice from strangers but it isn’t. Truly got me back into it and genuinely can’t thank @getmore4less @warby68 enough for that. 

If I ever get to the stage of appreciating what I have not pining for what I don’t I’m truly winning tbf. Don’t believe that’ll ever happen but who knows.

Yeah in-laws definitely just looking out for their daughter tbh I do get that. She’s their youngest too and I’m everything they don’t like about the world - never a recipe for an amazing relationship there haha.

Know what you mean if a mate said that I’d probably ask them why they were throwing their life away, get spending under control, concentrate on putting business first. It’s mental I know that much. 

What a difference a day makes - a belated happy birthday!

You'll get there mate. The wife obviously loves you to bits and sees you're struggling mentally. It must be tough for her seeing you so unhappy/struggling but great you are on better terms and now talking about things.

You'll look back on this as a blip in the road, no matter how low you've felt/feel right now.

My moment that led to a blow out feels a world away now...it knocked a month off of my debt free date but now a few months down the line, I've not felt better in a long long time...amazing how things can change.

15 months ago I never thought I'd be out of debt without winning the lottery or something...

warby68

@alt80
That post above - if I were you I would print that one off, fold it up and stick it in your wallet to have a read whenever the demons strike. Feel a bit like a proud mum myself reading that - not that I'm THAT old compared to you or have done much other than reflect stuff back at you, but the same feeling as when my sons' have a breakthrough after a bad time came when I read it. Not proud in the sense of taking credit either,  just seeing someone ride a storm and come out the other side. Its funny how invested you get sometimes here. I know its because we see bits of ourselves ourselves to some extent and think, there but for the grace go I.  Main things I have in common with you is 'bettering' ourselves and your politics, economic tory, centrist/even left socially with wider family having some rather strong views the other way.  Also understand the 24/7 pressure of having your own business compared to being an employee as we do both. We just don't talk politics much with family, and talk more about what we have in common, usually family, history, music and food, all good soul stuff to offset our arch capitalist leanings lol.  We have a pretty firm belief the country has to make its money before it spends it on the good stuff and that the income has to be perpetual as the social needs are, not one off grabs for headlines. When I read that back that is exactly what you're trying for now. Get it in, keep it coming and then spend it.

Hope that's not too waffly or sentimental, just trying to say you're winning more than you think you are.

Your wife absolutely nailed your birthday and you can now be a mature 40 something lol , with lots of mileage/experience behind you but, importantly, just the same and more ahead and good things there for the taking. 
Even FIL seems less one sided today. People often have good motives even if their execution is awful.

Have a great rest of the week

RelievedSheff

Glad you had a good day yesterday.

Fingers crossed you have a good day today as well

alt80

Thank you aiming for a better day again. Sleep still out of whack genuinely think if I can get that sorted I’ll have a better chance not helped myself with it but that and everything else just isn’t helping. I need my 8 hours usually. Realise this diary becomes me moaning about sleep equally think it’s one of my triggers for spending and it crushes my productivity.

Little to do today honestly think if I need to take a nap I’m going to lol cravings for stuff quite high just need to resist and focus on having a better day. Day 2 exercise boot camp with wife lol and going to help her put a few more Christmas decs up and go through house a bit today.

Sarahwithlove

Hopefully doing exercise with your wife will help make you as physically tired as you are mentally. Bad sleeping habits is never a good thing. Might be worth having a chat with gp to see if they can give you something short term to get back into a good routine again. 

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

Thank you aiming for a better day again. Sleep still out of whack genuinely think if I can get that sorted I’ll have a better chance not helped myself with it but that and everything else just isn’t helping. I need my 8 hours usually. Realise this diary becomes me moaning about sleep equally think it’s one of my triggers for spending and it crushes my productivity.

Little to do today honestly think if I need to take a nap I’m going to lol cravings for stuff quite high just need to resist and focus on having a better day. Day 2 exercise boot camp with wife lol and going to help her put a few more Christmas decs up and go through house a bit today.

Good work buddy. 

Sure I read it in this thread somewhere but a unit takes a few months to form, stick with it and it will become second nature.

Also had a crap nights sleep. Working late so was laying in bed with my mind racing at 1am. Then woke up at 7.30 after about 5 hours sleep. Not helped by waking up to arguing and an angry vibe. Got that “runaway” feeling that I haven’t had in a while, ha. So think sleep is a big factor for me in how I cope with things too. Also an 8 hours or I can’t function kinda guy...that said I seem to be getting better at getting up and getting on with it now. A habit is forming...