First Steps to Solvency

mothsinmywallet_2

I think that if you sort the sleep, the rest will feel a lot more possible. 

There's a brilliant book called Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker. Really worth reading it. And if you find it boring it should send you off nicely 🤣

enthusiasticsaver

All the things you are doing, the shopping, the risk taking , the anger, the drugs, overuse of alcohol are all self destructive behaviours and I think  tied up with your lack of self esteem  (indicated by measuring your net worth in monetary terms only). I think  that is linked to your childhood and your Dad.   Is your therapist helping you at all? 

There  is lots of information online about things you can do to avoid the behaviours and interesting one of the things is write a journal which I guess you are doing here and being incredibly honest.  Your diary is one of the most popular on here and that is because you have opened up in a way you rarely see and exposed the hidden thoughts which most people keep to themselves. 

The lack of sleep is not helping your mood either.  How about listening to music at night rather than looking at the screens? If your ankle is getting better then exercising at a certain time every day whether that is a walk or a gym workout in that fancy home gym you have may help.  I hope you overcome these demons as it will be difficult to move forwards. 

Sarahwithlove

I agree with enthusiastic saver. All these self destructive behaviours is down to you believing you aren't a good person and that people can't love you for who you are rather than what you own or can give them. I think spending time this year with your son and wife have shown that's not true as the things they have enjoyed the most are the experiences that have cost the least. I.e the pumpkin day out. If your therapist isn't helping you with sorting through this issue you need to consider changing because until you get past this or find ways to manage it you'll always circle back to these behaviours and at some point your wife will say enough is enough. And right now it seems you are just trying to push her to see how long it takes for her to break so that you can say I told you so and make yourself feel that you are right. And none of us want that for you because you could have a great life with a family that loves you, in a nice home with a nice car and enjoy nice days out. But you have to be willing to settle for nice. Which most people are but question is can you? 

alt80

Heard about a 36 year old guy same industry also in business committed suicide. I don’t know him but news report about inquest said he told his counsellor he knew he needed not to chase the next high to make him happy. Don’t know what those highs were but can relate also a lot of people in property with similar issues - I know a few with the never enough demons. Plenty are well balanced etc of course but fair few not maybe the industry that attracts people like me, maybe the industry turns people into people like me idk. Never worried about my future in this way before but almost like the spending crutch has been taken because I want to improve things and the other self destructive stuff has got a lot worse. Concerned without the spending other behaviours are going to get a whole lot worse tbh but want to be more sustainable with the spending too. Absolute head !!!!!!. 

Counselling is helping when ‘there’ (all virtual right now, joy) but can’t put into place what I need to around the appointments. I read a load of articles on how to live a more sustainable life not based solely around money and good for self worth etc but can’t deal with the advice - letting go, be kinder on yourself, small goals. Mind article said do something you enjoy pretty sure not talking about spaffing £100k on an AM. That’s all I truly enjoy - making and spending money. Maybe no help for me ha. Also feels like a 3rd business trying to go for the sustainable route in personal life?

Wife’s all ‘we could work on exercise together’, wants me to sign up to 10km run with her next year. I’m not even saying I don’t enjoy running or gym because I do but I don’t get the same high from it and all more effort than spending/ driving/ getting wasted. Seems like work tbh and have enough of that in my business life so suppose outside of work I like doing stuff that requires less thought/ working on progression etc. Tbf probably have !!!!!! the chemical composition of my brain from all the self destructive behaviours over the years. 20s like a lot of people out every weekend too much drink, too much blow. Only interests business/property/cars. Kept reasonably fit aesthetic reasons really rather than goals/ gains whatever. 30s eased off on the nights out but lost the social side of it, income up spending up. Business/property/cars got to point I thought I could coast and money would just keep rolling in in bigger amounts, no surprise it didn’t just made me angry I wasn’t where I thought I’d be with business/portfolio/res home/cars now. Reasonably fit still like to look good for wife tbf. Ended my 30s on the chang in the morning at home wtaf is wrong with me I don’t know. Can’t give up hope of sorting myself out but psychologically struggling since start of this week tbh. Massive part of sorting myself out is getting to the point of being able to live peacefully within my means as I build business further and not want to spend 24/7. 

Yeah I wonder regularly if wife should go for our son’s sake - don’t want him growing up around my influence really just makes me feel even more !!!!!! about myself thinking they’d be better without me around.

alt80

Friday night told wife I’m not having a drink tonight. Ridiculously tired again want to try to get a hold on this over tonight and weekend hopefully be a bit better for Monday. Thanks for suggestions. Need to put into place rather than moaning the GP won’t give me something.

Been thinking about the punishment / move towards more sustainable way of life. Feel it’s needed the way I live is no good for me. Terrifies me for my future tbh and also not fair on my wife and no good for my son. Don’t want him to feel nothing is ever enough it’s an empty way of living. Why I’m still trying to carry on carrying on with sorting the debts etc tbh. I owe it to my wife to be better just not sure how I can make the changes to not take the destructive path in life. 

Past few weeks every now and again I look at some of the things I’ve bought and my anger goes through the roof. Reason I’m in this mess honestly feel like crying when I think about the BTL remo put myself in a !!!!!! position for nothing more than some spending binges. Not sure how I can get by that level of regret. Current lot not helping either. If I could start again, clean slate knowing what I know now I would be more careful and not live beyond my means without punishment, guilt and regret. As it stands I’ve got years of being reminded how stupid I’ve been and have put myself behind for portfolio growth. When I think like that it just seems life hardly worth living. How do you get beyond that and negative thinking like if no very significant changes business wise won’t get my dream house / fleet of cars etc. 

Know some will be thinking first world problems / world smallest violin etc etc but it’s killing me.

alt80

Something not helping is I came on here thinking £40k credit card debt need to sort now it feels like I started with £265k (cards, RR, BMW, remo). Over £300k with ftype but as it’s gone not counting it.

So !!!!!! ashamed, all my stupidity and feels like a !!!!!! mountain to climb before I even get the clean slate I need.

RelievedSheff

Give it time. You will eventually come around to a different way of thinking.

ladyholly

I don't think I have ever come across someone so hard on themselves. Give yourself a break. You have come a long way and although the journey may be long and hard have the belief you can get to your goal. 

Retireinten

alt80 said:

Something not helping is I came on here thinking £40k credit card debt need to sort now it feels like I started with £265k (cards, RR, BMW, remo). Over £300k with ftype but as it’s gone not counting it.

So !!!!!! ashamed, all my stupidity and feels like a !!!!!! mountain to climb before I even get the clean slate I need.

Alt80, don't you see how much progress you have made just in this one post?

You joined this forum knowing you had a problem to sort, but you still had your head very much buried in the sand about the extent of your problem!  Now you can 'see' the size and scale of your debt and you can 'see' how much damage it was doing, and could do in the future, to your finances and family.  You feel ashamed about what you've done... you didn't feel that way at the start of your journey.


Yes, it's a mountain to climb but you have now started to climb the mountain.  You know the mountain will not go away, you have no choice but to climb it and you know that the longer you leave it the bigger it will get. And that mountain, if you don't climb it now, will become insurmountable!

You are making massive progress here, please try to see that! 

DancingInTheRain

Okay so if you're saying you started with 300k of debt then now it's at 265k that means you've cleared over 10% since starting this diary.
It's a fantastic start and all the honest reflecting & soul searching you are documenting on here shows your mindset is changing but sadly you're also realising there are no quick answers. 

YOU CAN DO IT!

Keep talking on here, keep communicating with your wife, keep building the relationship with your son, keep to your business plan, keep to your debt busting plan and you will get there.
It's a marathon not a sprint but YOU CAN DO IT!

Did I mention I think YOU CAN DO IT? 😉