Child Maintenance and Childcare fees

ZaSa1418

There is no reason you can't have your son as often as you was, if you can be flexible with work there is no need to settle for less than 50% of the time.

celblog88

She has started arguing that will unsettle him and that I only want him more to cut down the amount of maintenance I'm due to pay.

celblog88

Further she said that if I want 50/50 I'll have to go to court

likearubberball

celblog88 said:

She has started arguing that will unsettle him and that I only want him more to cut down the amount of maintenance I'm due to pay.

If it hasn't unsettled him up till now, it's hard to see how it would suddenly start to unsettle him in the future. 

ZaSa1418

celblog88 said:

She has started arguing that will unsettle him and that I only want him more to cut down the amount of maintenance I'm due to pay.

But did she not say she was stopping it so she got more?  If it was good enough before it's good enough now. 
Have you spoken to your solicitor about that? What was written in the divorce papers for contact arrangements? 
What is she offering you? 

celblog88

No formal arrangements are in place as of yet. The ex wants to swap those nights were I would have only had him overnight to days where I have more time with him and likely freeing up her midweek days. I have no real objection to that except until we agree our financial affairs that leaves me paying £x maintenance based on CMS calculation, plus 57.5% nursery fees, when probably 80% of the days he is in nursery are not my days with him in any case. I just feel like/ know I'm being taken advantage of. I hoped it wouldn't have gotten to stage where solicitors had to sort out contact etc but any suggestion I make is met with apathy.

likearubberball

Can you not arrange a mediation session? There is a cost, but it would be preferable than the legal route to resolve things as amicably as possible. 

ZaSa1418

celblog88 said:

No formal arrangements are in place as of yet. The ex wants to swap those nights were I would have only had him overnight to days where I have more time with him and likely freeing up her midweek days. I have no real objection to that except until we agree our financial affairs that leaves me paying £x maintenance based on CMS calculation, plus 57.5% nursery fees, when probably 80% of the days he is in nursery are not my days with him in any case. I just feel like/ know I'm being taken advantage of. I hoped it wouldn't have gotten to stage where solicitors had to sort out contact etc but any suggestion I make is met with apathy.

No overnights at all? You don't have to pay the nursery fees, maintenance covers that. She obviously thinks she is being clever by stopping the overnights to get more money but she could actually be worse off. 
What has she offered you on a weekly basis and what have you asked for? 
Mediation could be a good idea however while you are paying a solicitor you might aswell seek their advice on this too. 
Was there nothing mentioned in your divorce papers? i am sure there is a section regarding arrangements for children? 

celblog88

There are no divorce papers as of yet and the solicitor is aware of the childcare/access side of things but no joint consultation has taken place yet. I have no issue with paying nursery fees if they are days I have him or require it, but paying the majority of it on top of maintenance I believe to be unfair. I raised this and the potential of a family based arrangement with the ex and it was rebuffed. She went on to say that I was getting off lightly compared to other husbands in the same position. I didn't know whether to laugh at that or not as what is her basis for comparison? My solicitor's last letter to her's invited her to go to CMS herself if she wished to keep mentioning financial matters and that she would be worse off. And yes, there would still be overnights, her suggestion is to replace those where she works nights with days/overnights on other weeks when she would have him. She obviously begrudges me not having to pay maintenance on nights when I only get my son after 7pm, yet is happy/expectant that I pay nursery fees on days/nights she has him. Any time we talk about anything other than him communication breaks down so I'd probably be best leaving it with the solicitor. 

ZaSa1418

Oh sorry i misunderstood and thought you were far along in the divorce proceedings. In the divorce papers it has a section for arrangements for children, the petitioner fills this in with the current arrangements and then the respondent can respond if they agree or not etc. 
I assume she maybe knows women who get spousal maintenance but that is extremely rare these days. 
So instead of you having him overnight when she is working she wants you to have him on the days and nights she isn't working instead.
Have you had a look at the cms calculator and worked out what you would pay based on the current overnights and then what it would be based on her suggestion of overnights? 
It is nice you are happy to pay childcare but from your earlier post she wants you to pay this and then cut your overnights so she gets more maintenance which is not on. 
It is always better to come to an arrangement between yourselves but don't let her take the p and stop you seeing your child as much just so she gets a few extra quid