Child Maintenance and Childcare fees

Comms69

You can argue this, in court; need mediation first. 

ZaSa1418

celblog88 said:

Further advice required. We have now sold the house and my ex has moved in with her sister. Prior to now we had an arrangement whereby when my ex worked nighshifts I kept our son overnight and she collected him the next morning to drop him to nursery. Same the following night etc on that set of shifts. Now she said as she is sharing a house with her sister I will no longer be required for those nights and as a result will be due to pay more maintenance. As the father and will parental responsibility would I be within my rights to object/refuse to accept this. Can I insist that as my ex is working and those were previously my nights that he should still come to me and her sister has no parental responsibility?? Her argument is that this isn't "quality" time. I could argue the same for every day she works an early shift and puts our son in nursery then picks him up in the evening. On these days nursery costs are shared and I'm paying maintenance also.??
Any advice welcome but I feel I'm being walked over.

Did she tell you this in person or on a text/voicemail? 
Tell her you don't agree to this and speak to a solicitor ASAP , maybe a letter from one might get her to change her mind especially when she realises how expensive solicitors and family court is. 

TBagpuss

When you have him overnight, is this literally just for the night, or does he come to you after school / nursery, have the afternoon/evening with you and then go to bed?

Arrangements for children are based on what is in the child's best interests, so if it is possible for him to go to bed at his  mum's home rather than being taken to dad's home purely to sleep, then that may be in his best interests
On the other hand, if he was spending an evening with dad then going to bed at dad's, it is harder to argue that it is in his interest to change that. 

Is thee a reason why you don't take him on to nursery in the morning rather than him going back to mum then on to nursery? 

celblog88

I had flexible hours put into place in work while she still lived at our family home whereby I finished work at 7pm and was able to meet her about 7.30 with the child on her way to work. She collected him in the morning from me to drop him to nursery as the nursery is beside where she lives and then she goes on to bed. I realise it's not ideal him coming to me just to sleep but I had to ask for those adjustments in work to meet her which require me to make up hours elsewhere, and this now leaves me doing that pointlessly. The other issue if obvious that the sister can whenever she so chooses decide she's not available any given night and to my mind going forward that creates an issue for the ex to sort and not me. I'm trying to be fair but at the moment I am paying £253-310 per month on child maintenance and 57.5% of childcare fees, this month £378 to me so almost £700 towards my son's needs. Any time I mention the numbers all I get it aggro. I will just leave it to the solicitor. That way emotions aren't involved.

HampshireH

You aren't a glorified babysitter so stop being treated luke one.

You need to stand up for yourself and your son.

He has a routine which works. You want to see him. Fight for it. There isn't any reason why her sister is s better option?

I understand the quality time thing. Make some of it quality time.
.
It does sound like she is taking advantage of you. But it doesn't have to be that way.

ZaSa1418

celblog88 said:

I had flexible hours put into place in work while she still lived at our family home whereby I finished work at 7pm and was able to meet her about 7.30 with the child on her way to work. She collected him in the morning from me to drop him to nursery as the nursery is beside where she lives and then she goes on to bed. I realise it's not ideal him coming to me just to sleep but I had to ask for those adjustments in work to meet her which require me to make up hours elsewhere, and this now leaves me doing that pointlessly. The other issue if obvious that the sister can whenever she so chooses decide she's not available any given night and to my mind going forward that creates an issue for the ex to sort and not me. I'm trying to be fair but at the moment I am paying £253-310 per month on child maintenance and 57.5% of childcare fees, this month £378 to me so almost £700 towards my son's needs. Any time I mention the numbers all I get it aggro. I will just leave it to the solicitor. That way emotions aren't involved.

Whether you simply take him just to put him to bed is irrelevant, this has been the normal routine for him and changing his routine out of spite to get more maintenance is nasty. 
I am also sure the boy would love to have his dad read him a bedtime story and tuck him in like he has been. 
What hours do you work? 

Marvel1

celblog88 said:

Now she said as she is sharing a house with her sister I will no longer be required for those nights and as a result will be due to pay more maintenance. 

You need to fight, your the parent not the sister.
Doesn't sound like she cares as she wants more £

celblog88

ZaSa1418 said:

celblog88 said:

I had flexible hours put into place in work while she still lived at our family home whereby I finished work at 7pm and was able to meet her about 7.30 with the child on her way to work. She collected him in the morning from me to drop him to nursery as the nursery is beside where she lives and then she goes on to bed. I realise it's not ideal him coming to me just to sleep but I had to ask for those adjustments in work to meet her which require me to make up hours elsewhere, and this now leaves me doing that pointlessly. The other issue if obvious that the sister can whenever she so chooses decide she's not available any given night and to my mind going forward that creates an issue for the ex to sort and not me. I'm trying to be fair but at the moment I am paying £253-310 per month on child maintenance and 57.5% of childcare fees, this month £378 to me so almost £700 towards my son's needs. Any time I mention the numbers all I get it aggro. I will just leave it to the solicitor. That way emotions aren't involved.

Whether you simply take him just to put him to bed is irrelevant, this has been the normal routine for him and changing his routine out of spite to get more maintenance is nasty. 
I am also sure the boy would love to have his dad read him a bedtime story and tuck him in like he has been. 
What hours do you work? 

I also work a mixture of early and late shifts, working 2 weekends out of 3. It's a bit complicated as we both work shifts and over different numbers of weeks so we have to do a 15 week pattern. I can see the point about him being upheaved just to be put in bed but the first time her sister isn't available or has other plans it'll become an issue. I don't think it's particularly fair on the sister, the child or myself but I'm trying to make it as fair as possible without starting more arguments. We have recently sold our house and money is with solicitors as split has yet to be agreed etc. I currently live about 17 miles away from where my son lives/goes to nursery and my work place in 8 miles in the other direction so going forward I have 2 choices. Either purchase a home closer to my son further away from my family/friends/work so that I am closer to my son and can be more readily available to him and his school etc or buy something closer to my family so I have more familiar people and support around me which sounds stable, however on mornings I have school run and work would require a 40 something mile trip in traffic etc just for the morning. I am leaning towards living over the town nearest him which would make it easier for me to drop him off on the way to work as opposed to going 2 different directions. All very straight forward 🤣

ZaSa1418

celblog88 said:

ZaSa1418 said:

celblog88 said:

I had flexible hours put into place in work while she still lived at our family home whereby I finished work at 7pm and was able to meet her about 7.30 with the child on her way to work. She collected him in the morning from me to drop him to nursery as the nursery is beside where she lives and then she goes on to bed. I realise it's not ideal him coming to me just to sleep but I had to ask for those adjustments in work to meet her which require me to make up hours elsewhere, and this now leaves me doing that pointlessly. The other issue if obvious that the sister can whenever she so chooses decide she's not available any given night and to my mind going forward that creates an issue for the ex to sort and not me. I'm trying to be fair but at the moment I am paying £253-310 per month on child maintenance and 57.5% of childcare fees, this month £378 to me so almost £700 towards my son's needs. Any time I mention the numbers all I get it aggro. I will just leave it to the solicitor. That way emotions aren't involved.

Whether you simply take him just to put him to bed is irrelevant, this has been the normal routine for him and changing his routine out of spite to get more maintenance is nasty. 
I am also sure the boy would love to have his dad read him a bedtime story and tuck him in like he has been. 
What hours do you work? 

I also work a mixture of early and late shifts, working 2 weekends out of 3. It's a bit complicated as we both work shifts and over different numbers of weeks so we have to do a 15 week pattern. I can see the point about him being upheaved just to be put in bed but the first time her sister isn't available or has other plans it'll become an issue. I don't think it's particularly fair on the sister, the child or myself but I'm trying to make it as fair as possible without starting more arguments. We have recently sold our house and money is with solicitors as split has yet to be agreed etc. I currently live about 17 miles away from where my son lives/goes to nursery and my work place in 8 miles in the other direction so going forward I have 2 choices. Either purchase a home closer to my son further away from my family/friends/work so that I am closer to my son and can be more readily available to him and his school etc or buy something closer to my family so I have more familiar people and support around me which sounds stable, however on mornings I have school run and work would require a 40 something mile trip in traffic etc just for the morning. I am leaning towards living over the town nearest him which would make it easier for me to drop him off on the way to work as opposed to going 2 different directions. All very straight forward 🤣

Did you both work shifts to accommodate for childcare etc when you were together. I actually think it helps that you both do shifts because she can't argue her household is more stable. 
I would agree it is better to live closer to him if you want 50% time with him however , i wouldn't rush to buy anything unless you know for definite she wont move away from the area especially with her only living at her sisters at the moment. 
If he is used to being taken to you to go to bed because his mum is going to work then it is his norm and changing that wouldn't be fair on him. 
Is there anyway your shifts could change so you finish a little earlier on the days she works nights so you can argue you pick him up and do a proper bedtime routine rather than just going to bed. 
Have you spoken to your solicitor? What have they said?

celblog88

Yes I could ask to leave earlier and make the hours up elsewhere or swap days where I can. I agree about where I should live I will maybe wait as I do not yet know how the access arrangements will play out until after the financial separation has been completed. I'll just have to play another waiting game. Her sister is more likely to leave that house before she does as she has a long term partner and will likely start out on their own at which point that house will either be sold or my ex will buy her out.