Child Maintenance and Childcare fees

celblog88

Hi guys looking for some advice. My ex and I separated last year and things for the most part are amicable enough, although there have been occasions when I have been met with resistance, normally when I don't just agree to something without putting my point across. When we first split I moved in with a relative and continued to pay half the bills into the household as well as associated child costs estimated by her total £520 which she also pays into joint account as she lives in the house with my son. My ex asked that if I was happy to do that while our fixed rate term matured we'd split house proceeds 50/50. Due to us both working shifts I have my son (almost 3) 3/4 nights some weeks and some weeks only 1 but the average is 2/3. We had discussed maintenance payments and both pay the max £243 out of our salaries in the form of childcare vouchers. While we were together she reduced her hours to 34 per week to save additional days of childcare (currently 3 per week) with me paying 57.5% excess nursery fees to her 42.5% based on hours we work. Up until now I was happy with that arrangement although last November she got a solicitor involved who said she should go for 70% equity on the home as a resident parent. My solicitor is not happy with this amount split and suggested that as I had been paying the £520 a month, £170 per month more than mortgage and rates into joint account as well as childcare on top that I am more than reasonable and should ask for the 50% split. Going forward my ex and I agreed to use CMS calculator for maintenance which works out around £253 per month after deduction for my no of nights. I did state that my end objective based on job role and shifts would be to split parenting 50/50 and she stated she wasn't happy with this as she wouldn't see him enough and I'd have to go to court for it. Later I told my ex we would need to look at the % split in childcare fees as at 57.5%, having working 6 hours per week more than her and having paid CMS, I would actually have £50 per month less than her before I had looked at any bills of my own. At this suggestion she more or less threatened to up her hours to 40 a week and stated this would require him to be in childcare more, which would cost us both more money. Would I be right in saying that ANY money I pay towards childcare is over and above what's legally enforceable and while I acknowledge that he is my son that 50% paid towards that childcare is more than fair considering she is in receipt of the child benefit and works less than me. I don't want to be unreasonable but equally want to know where I stand. Were she to increase her hours shouldn't the additional cost of childcare be solely on her? I should point that even on 34 hours she isn't entitled to any tax credits or similar as her salary is >£30k. If we weren't to agree I know what the maximum CMS judgement would be (350ish a month). This would obviously be based on me not having him at all and I would be under no obligation to pay childcare. How do I communicate this with her without being unreasonable or walked over myself??? As much as I don't have it in me to just walk away and leave my son without, not that I believe she would let it come to that, I don't want to have my finances/budget dictated to me by someone I'm no longer with, while she lives rent/mortgage free.

SweetPotatoPie

The only amount you would need to be paying is what the maintenance calculator states. You also need to provide a roof over your child's head when they are staying with yourself, so you need to also look after your own finances.
If you continue to allow this, it will only get worse and you’re going to have to communicate with her until at least the child is 18.

celblog88

Thanks. As I said she also pays into the childcare voucher scheme the same as myself, but I don't believe moving forward I should have to pay more than half his childcare, as on balance I probably have him as much if not more in my own time in terms of childcare hours although this is not counted. I think 50% is more than fair altho realistically I should only have to pay for childcare arrangements for the days I'm supposed to have him. Anyone I speak to seems to think I'm being much too soft.

SweetPotatoPie

It is important to provide for your child, but it’s also just as important to not allow your ex to dictate terms, listen to the advice that you are being given by friends and family. 

celblog88

Forgot to mention she wanted to see my payslips to check she was getting adjusted amounts with overtime on a regular basis. Lol

Savvy_Sue

Have you been through any mediation? That might help. 

And did I read right, that you have a joint bank account - or is it just the childcare vouchers that's joint? I really wouldn't keep a joint account with an ex, unless TWO signatures were required for everything - and that gets to be painful

ZaSa1418

Why is she moaning she wont see your son if you have 50/50? You arent that far off it by the sounds of it.
Solicitors dont like easy divorces as the more complicated the more time it takes and the more money they make. 
She does not get to dictate, she also has no right to see your payslips. 
As the non resident parent you are legally responsible to provide the maintenance which can be calculated using the cms calculator on gov.uk.
You of course can pay more but that is at your discretion. 

celblog88

Sue, we still have a joint account as it was opened to service the mortgage as per the terms and conditions. She would still use it for groceries for the child and little things for him which I don't mind but she referred to the £150 over and above the mortgage and rates as "mini maintenance". I didn't respond to that as I'm well aware that maintenance is to pay for the child's living costs, ie the roof over his head and necessities etc. I was also informed by my solicitor that if it weren't for the fact I had a family member who could put me up I would be well within my rights to not pay into the mortgage as under family law I am permitted to house myself to a standard that I could bring my son to. I think I know my rights, I guess I just wanted to ask the advice of others as I refuse to believe that she believes I am not sensible enough to not check what's correct and what's not. Maybe she was hoping I would roll over as I still cared about her.

declan199210

celblog88 said:

Sue, we still have a joint account as it was opened to service the mortgage as per the terms and conditions. She would still use it for groceries for the child and little things for him which I don't mind but she referred to the £150 over and above the mortgage and rates as "mini maintenance". I didn't respond to that as I'm well aware that maintenance is to pay for the child's living costs, ie the roof over his head and necessities etc. I was also informed by my solicitor that if it weren't for the fact I had a family member who could put me up I would be well within my rights to not pay into the mortgage as under family law I am permitted to house myself to a standard that I could bring my son to. I think I know my rights, I guess I just wanted to ask the advice of others as I refuse to believe that she believes I am not sensible enough to not check what's correct and what's not. Maybe she was hoping I would roll over as I still cared about her.

Get a decent family lawyer and file a c100.

celblog88

I don't believe a residency order is required, at least not at this stage as other than me and my own sister, there isn't much support in terms of childcare. By that I mean her family is not on hand due to illness/death and all our siblings work so basically she needs me and I need her to see that our son is looked after. I also don't want to spend 1000's in legal fees just to be told that she has custody and I get my son on the terms I already have. 

celblog88

Further advice required. We have now sold the house and my ex has moved in with her sister. Prior to now we had an arrangement whereby when my ex worked nighshifts I kept our son overnight and she collected him the next morning to drop him to nursery. Same the following night etc on that set of shifts. Now she said as she is sharing a house with her sister I will no longer be required for those nights and as a result will be due to pay more maintenance. As the father and will parental responsibility would I be within my rights to object/refuse to accept this. Can I insist that as my ex is working and those were previously my nights that he should still come to me and her sister has no parental responsibility?? Her argument is that this isn't "quality" time. I could argue the same for every day she works an early shift and puts our son in nursery then picks him up in the evening. On these days nursery costs are shared and I'm paying maintenance also.??
Any advice welcome but I feel I'm being walked over.