Sorting a marriage

swingaloo

RobHT said:

elsien said:

This is starting to sound very familiar. I'm sure there was a previous poster some time back who was an equally good catch with very similar views. Anyone else remember that?

I think every human on this planet thinks the same, tbh, ah wait, with an honest soul  
I'm not surprised to see many other similar discussions, but obviously  needed mine because I didn't find the answers I was looking for.

I

And I doubt you ever will. Im out as well, the thread is probably a wind up.

RobHT

Comms69 said:

RobHT said:

Comms69 said:

RobHT said:

Not sure if who replied are all women , but anyway the thing is for both of us, we would agree on that, different reasons behind, but I need to make it sure that is done properly.
It's a bit early for us to talk about it, anyway I have to start one day, and obviously this contract works if signed from both parties, so...

Talking for myself instead, it's precisely because is not right at all to give money to someone that decided a change of life, and this happens too frequently, and in UK I've seen this precisely, people paying the other side life, in the meantime receiving other money from the new partner...
Don't tell me that is right! 

No im a man. And frankly your suggestions so far are deplorable. 

Thankfully most women will see that and avoid you like the plague. 

All the women are free to go away from me, no problem, but leave on their own not with my money, house and car.
It seems you like to be ripped off just for a change of life of your partner, but ok, I don't want to comment furthermore, your problem then, why should I cry for your loss  

AskAsk said:

RobHT said:

Not sure if who replied are all women , but anyway the thing is for both of us, we would agree on that, different reasons behind, but I need to make it sure that is done properly.
It's a bit early for us to talk about it, anyway I have to start one day, and obviously this contract works if signed from both parties, so...

Talking for myself instead, it's precisely because is not right at all to give money to someone that decided a change of life, and this happens too frequently, and in UK I've seen this precisely, people paying the other side life, in the meantime receiving other money from the new partner...
Don't tell me that is right! 

in the UK, unlike the US, you can't agree on split of assets in a contract as that would be ignored under divorce laws.  when it comes to splitting assets here is the law

http://bevanevemy.co.uk/how-to-divide-assets-in-a-uk-divorce/

you can agree between yourselves to split assets during divorce proceedings but often people tend to become greedy and malicious when they get divorced as most divorce are not amicable and things may have become ugly when it gets to that point.

generally women with young children benefit under UK divorce laws, if they are the one without assets.  the person with the most assets is generally the one who loses out as that has to be shared 50/50 pretty much if not more to the woman as she has children to look after and house.

Thanks for the explanation, now I probably understand the situation of my friends in UK, but I have one last critical question.
Just in case of "I wanna another one dear", what happens to my assets even if she has a young kid?
I mean, she decided to leave me, so why should I maintain her?
I would take the kid alone or pay benefits for the child, not her rent, car, make up and all the other things she will cry for, you understood right?
That't the job of the next unlucky man, why this is not fair to the guy above is very unclear to me.

Another way to resolve this would be changing the way to interpret the marriage or living together, how can I make the living together in a way that everyone maintains his own stuff after break up by personal choice?
For example, she living under my roof, a kid or even more, but not married, does the same 50/50 law apply? In other countries applies, but it's not the 50/50, it's just about childcare, nothing to the woman for leisure, even the house rent.
I may understand the matter of having to pay rent to the kids that are living with my ex, but guess what, I would propose to take care of them rather than giving them to her and pay her the life full of leisure, 50/50 to me sounds crazy, and that could explain my friends situation, with the only difference that they had a marriage.

Except marriage means you don’t have ‘your’ stuff, it’s all shared. That’s what marriage is a legally binding contract between two people. 

As for if you have a child you will pay 12% of your gross income ( minus 1/7 per day per week you can for your child). What she spends it on is up to her. 

If you are not married that is all you will pay. Most men with integrity pay more. 

Interesting, now I understand why I didn't get the point in UK, so all is shared no matter what, so my friends were correct to have been destroyed for life thanks to this...

Where did you take this 12%?
It seems a lot btw... Is it up to 12% or fixed as you said?
Obviously if I consider my gross that would be extremely generous, I could maintain 3 children... I would need to go to court to reduce it in case of only 1 child.

Comms69

RobHT said:

Comms69 said:

RobHT said:

Comms69 said:

RobHT said:

Not sure if who replied are all women , but anyway the thing is for both of us, we would agree on that, different reasons behind, but I need to make it sure that is done properly.
It's a bit early for us to talk about it, anyway I have to start one day, and obviously this contract works if signed from both parties, so...

Talking for myself instead, it's precisely because is not right at all to give money to someone that decided a change of life, and this happens too frequently, and in UK I've seen this precisely, people paying the other side life, in the meantime receiving other money from the new partner...
Don't tell me that is right! 

No im a man. And frankly your suggestions so far are deplorable. 

Thankfully most women will see that and avoid you like the plague. 

All the women are free to go away from me, no problem, but leave on their own not with my money, house and car.
It seems you like to be ripped off just for a change of life of your partner, but ok, I don't want to comment furthermore, your problem then, why should I cry for your loss  

AskAsk said:

RobHT said:

Not sure if who replied are all women , but anyway the thing is for both of us, we would agree on that, different reasons behind, but I need to make it sure that is done properly.
It's a bit early for us to talk about it, anyway I have to start one day, and obviously this contract works if signed from both parties, so...

Talking for myself instead, it's precisely because is not right at all to give money to someone that decided a change of life, and this happens too frequently, and in UK I've seen this precisely, people paying the other side life, in the meantime receiving other money from the new partner...
Don't tell me that is right! 

in the UK, unlike the US, you can't agree on split of assets in a contract as that would be ignored under divorce laws.  when it comes to splitting assets here is the law

http://bevanevemy.co.uk/how-to-divide-assets-in-a-uk-divorce/

you can agree between yourselves to split assets during divorce proceedings but often people tend to become greedy and malicious when they get divorced as most divorce are not amicable and things may have become ugly when it gets to that point.

generally women with young children benefit under UK divorce laws, if they are the one without assets.  the person with the most assets is generally the one who loses out as that has to be shared 50/50 pretty much if not more to the woman as she has children to look after and house.

Thanks for the explanation, now I probably understand the situation of my friends in UK, but I have one last critical question.
Just in case of "I wanna another one dear", what happens to my assets even if she has a young kid?
I mean, she decided to leave me, so why should I maintain her?
I would take the kid alone or pay benefits for the child, not her rent, car, make up and all the other things she will cry for, you understood right?
That't the job of the next unlucky man, why this is not fair to the guy above is very unclear to me.

Another way to resolve this would be changing the way to interpret the marriage or living together, how can I make the living together in a way that everyone maintains his own stuff after break up by personal choice?
For example, she living under my roof, a kid or even more, but not married, does the same 50/50 law apply? In other countries applies, but it's not the 50/50, it's just about childcare, nothing to the woman for leisure, even the house rent.
I may understand the matter of having to pay rent to the kids that are living with my ex, but guess what, I would propose to take care of them rather than giving them to her and pay her the life full of leisure, 50/50 to me sounds crazy, and that could explain my friends situation, with the only difference that they had a marriage.

Except marriage means you don’t have ‘your’ stuff, it’s all shared. That’s what marriage is a legally binding contract between two people. 

As for if you have a child you will pay 12% of your gross income ( minus 1/7 per day per week you can for your child). What she spends it on is up to her. 

If you are not married that is all you will pay. Most men with integrity pay more. 

Interesting, now I understand why I didn't get the point in UK, so all is shared no matter what, so my friends were correct to have been destroyed for life thanks to this...

Where did you take this 12%?
It seems a lot btw... Is it up to 12% or fixed as you said?
Obviously if I consider my gross that would be extremely generous, I could maintain 3 children... I would need to go to court to reduce it in case of only 1 child.

12 is for 1 child it goes up

AskAsk

RobHT said:

Comms69 said:

RobHT said:

Not sure if who replied are all women , but anyway the thing is for both of us, we would agree on that, different reasons behind, but I need to make it sure that is done properly.
It's a bit early for us to talk about it, anyway I have to start one day, and obviously this contract works if signed from both parties, so...

Talking for myself instead, it's precisely because is not right at all to give money to someone that decided a change of life, and this happens too frequently, and in UK I've seen this precisely, people paying the other side life, in the meantime receiving other money from the new partner...
Don't tell me that is right! 

No im a man. And frankly your suggestions so far are deplorable. 

Thankfully most women will see that and avoid you like the plague. 

All the women are free to go away from me, no problem, but leave on their own not with my money, house and car.
It seems you like to be ripped off just for a change of life of your partner, but ok, I don't want to comment furthermore, your problem then, why should I cry for your loss  

AskAsk said:

RobHT said:

Not sure if who replied are all women , but anyway the thing is for both of us, we would agree on that, different reasons behind, but I need to make it sure that is done properly.
It's a bit early for us to talk about it, anyway I have to start one day, and obviously this contract works if signed from both parties, so...

Talking for myself instead, it's precisely because is not right at all to give money to someone that decided a change of life, and this happens too frequently, and in UK I've seen this precisely, people paying the other side life, in the meantime receiving other money from the new partner...
Don't tell me that is right! 

in the UK, unlike the US, you can't agree on split of assets in a contract as that would be ignored under divorce laws.  when it comes to splitting assets here is the law

http://bevanevemy.co.uk/how-to-divide-assets-in-a-uk-divorce/

you can agree between yourselves to split assets during divorce proceedings but often people tend to become greedy and malicious when they get divorced as most divorce are not amicable and things may have become ugly when it gets to that point.

generally women with young children benefit under UK divorce laws, if they are the one without assets.  the person with the most assets is generally the one who loses out as that has to be shared 50/50 pretty much if not more to the woman as she has children to look after and house.

Thanks for the explanation, now I probably understand the situation of my friends in UK, but I have one last critical question.
Just in case of "I wanna another one dear", what happens to my assets even if she has a young kid?
I mean, she decided to leave me, so why should I maintain her?
I would take the kid alone or pay benefits for the child, not her rent, car, make up and all the other things she will cry for, you understood right?
That't the job of the next unlucky man, why this is not fair to the guy above is very unclear to me.

Another way to resolve this would be changing the way to interpret the marriage or living together, how can I make the living together in a way that everyone maintains his own stuff after break up by personal choice?
For example, she living under my roof, a kid or even more, but not married, does the same 50/50 law apply? In other countries applies, but it's not the 50/50, it's just about childcare, nothing to the woman for leisure, even the house rent.
I may understand the matter of having to pay rent to the kids that are living with my ex, but guess what, I would propose to take care of them rather than giving them to her and pay her the life full of leisure, 50/50 to me sounds crazy, and that could explain my friends situation, with the only difference that they had a marriage.

if you are not married and just live together then the split of assets fall under asset split law, so it would established as whose assets is whose.  so for example, if i own a house and my partner owns a house, then when we split, we would each keep our own house.  the 50/50 split is only when you are married and get divorced.  split of assets under divorce laws override normal asset split laws as you are considered one entity when you are married and not two separate people.

if you are married then when you divorce the courts will make sure your wife is also looked after and not just your son or daughter as you have a responsibility to her as well as your children, even if it is her decision to leave you.  and as she will be looking after the children, she will need an income as she may not be able to work to look after them.
if you are not married but have children then when you split, you would have to pay child maintenance but you wouldn't have to take care of your wife.

AskAsk

RobHT said:

AskAsk said:

RobHT said:

Comms69 said:

1: the reason doesnt matter. It's split based upon need. 

2: no idea what you're talking about. 

3: those are not enforceable.

Dont get married, clearly not for you. 

Are you telling me that a contract signed from both parties doesn't work? Or it doesn't exist?

Moreover, I could also drop the idea of marriage, for a similar one like living under the same roof declared as partner, not sure in UK how that way to live is called.
With that, basically there are important things like getting into the hospital and help that person (privacy matters), and many other things, I may just think to some company benefit or whatever.

i am a woman and i am married.

yes, you can live as partners in the UK, you don't have to get married.  a lot of people do live together and never get married.  it makes it a lot simpler to leave the relationsip as divorce is lengthy in time and costs a lot of money.  it is very easy to get married in the UK, but it is very difficult to get divorced.

we lived together for 4 years before we thought about marriage.  we could have just continued quite happily living together without getting married, but my husband wanted to get married and I wanted a commitment from him in the form of a marriage certificate 

if i were to do it again, i wouldn't have got married as it just complicate things.  tax laws are also penal to married couples who have a lot of assets and i have had to pay a lot of tax because i am married, which i would have saved if we had just continued living together.

Thanks for sharing your experience  

Well, I knew that married couples pay less taxes, they have something called tax relief, also in case of kids, are you sure there wasn't something else? I don't think the marriage is the reason why you paid more taxes.

Yes, it complicates things, join bank accounts, savings, ISA or whatever type, credit score, any application for credit, it's such a pain I guess.

i have never benefited from being married as far as tax is concerned and have only lost out.  i sold a house that i had owned before i got married and i had to pay capital gains tax on that as i had to declare that as my second home whilst i lived in my husband's house.  a married couple can only have one main home so a second home would be subject to capital gains tax when it is sold.  if i didn't marry, i could have continue to declare my house as my own home.
as two single people, we would be able to own two homes and any gains on the sale of them would not be subject to capital gains tax as you don't pay capital gains tax on your main residence.
the advantage on tax for married couples is that when one of you die, then there is no inheritance tax for the surviving partner to pay, but i would only benefit from that if i survive my husband and we haven't divorced before he kicks the bucket 
the tax relief you are referring to applies when the husband or wife earns very little and they can gift a part of their personal tax allowance to their spouse.  as we are both high earners, that doesn't apply to us.

being married does not mean you have to have to joint finances.  my husband and I have separate money.  we don't have joint anything.  we have separate bank accounts, separate savings accounts.  when i say it complicates things, i mean it is difficult to walk away from the relationsip and the tax situation on capital gains or extra stamp duty on 2nd homes.

Pollycat

Do you actually have someone in mind to marry?

Or is all this research 'just in case' you find someone who would accept your proposal?

ElephantBoy57

RobHT said:

My intention, eventually, it would be to have a contract to prevent the partner taking my things, my income etc, if a divorce is coming, fine, go elsewhere on your own, that's my point, I should make the things in a way that no one can take over the other one, same is for me on her!

When marriages break down, assets/money is given to support any children from the marriage. A contract will have no affect on that.

thorsoak

Are you certain that you are "family material"?   From your posts, I would not advise you to marry anyone - nor would I advise anyone to marry you.   Think you'd be better off with just a housekeeper!

Pollycat

thorsoak said:

Are you certain that you are "family material"?   From your posts, I would not advise you to marry anyone - nor would I advise anyone to marry you.   Think you'd be better off with just a housekeeper!

TBH, even the thread title grates on me.

Fireflyaway

There are so many things to take into consideration. How long the marriage lasted, if there are kids, if you both worked, how much money or assets you brought into the relationship etc. Not mentioning the attitude of your ex. If I divorced I personally wouldn't ask my husband for anything other than to contribute towards bringing up our child. I'm not out to get money, I am capable of making my own. Not everyone is out to financially ruin their ex. 
Nobody knows what the future holds but I'd be careful to get a feeling for any prospective wife / husband as far as finances go before you get married. What is their attitude to debt, work, spending etc. Are they very materialistic or are they happy to live a simple life? Are they happy to combine finances etc. Money causes a lot of conflict in relationships so it's worth talking about all this before getting married. Regarding your comment about future kids and you rather having custody than paying your ex. The most important aspect is to do what's best for the child. Fighting for custody just to get at your ex or save a bit of money isn't cool. It could cause lasting emotional damage to a child if handled badly. You know marriage is a risk. Unfortunately people do cheat, die, come out as gay or in the case of my husband have a mental breakdown and move out! Life happens. Stressing too much will only take away the excitement of meeting someone and having an enjoyable marriage. Remember any potential partner may have concerns about you too! Are you going to cheat / be lazy and not work / move back home and take the kid !  Try to relax but if you think marriage isn't for you, don't do it. Far more honourable to recognise your apprehension than get married and potentially ruin someone else's life.