Sorting a marriage

AskAsk

RobHT said:

Comms69 said:

1: the reason doesnt matter. It's split based upon need. 

2: no idea what you're talking about. 

3: those are not enforceable.

Dont get married, clearly not for you. 

Are you telling me that a contract signed from both parties doesn't work? Or it doesn't exist?

Moreover, I could also drop the idea of marriage, for a similar one like living under the same roof declared as partner, not sure in UK how that way to live is called.
With that, basically there are important things like getting into the hospital and help that person (privacy matters), and many other things, I may just think to some company benefit or whatever.

i am a woman and i am married.

yes, you can live as partners in the UK, you don't have to get married.  a lot of people do live together and never get married.  it makes it a lot simpler to leave the relationsip as divorce is lengthy in time and costs a lot of money.  it is very easy to get married in the UK, but it is very difficult to get divorced.

we lived together for 4 years before we thought about marriage.  we could have just continued quite happily living together without getting married, but my husband wanted to get married and I wanted a commitment from him in the form of a marriage certificate 

if i were to do it again, i wouldn't have got married as it just complicate things.  tax laws are also penal to married couples who have a lot of assets and i have had to pay a lot of tax because i am married, which i would have saved if we had just continued living together.

swingaloo

Well, I'm female and I detest anyone male or female that tries to screw someone they once loved over. But then again I'm from a generation when you married for love, hoped it would last for life and actually worked at it. 

elsien

swingaloo said:

Well, romance is clearly dead

They're going to be queuing up for this one. 
I'm bowing out of the rest of the debate which has already been covered extensively in another thread and I CBA doing it all over again. 

RobHT

Comms69 said:

RobHT said:

Not sure if who replied are all women , but anyway the thing is for both of us, we would agree on that, different reasons behind, but I need to make it sure that is done properly.
It's a bit early for us to talk about it, anyway I have to start one day, and obviously this contract works if signed from both parties, so...

Talking for myself instead, it's precisely because is not right at all to give money to someone that decided a change of life, and this happens too frequently, and in UK I've seen this precisely, people paying the other side life, in the meantime receiving other money from the new partner...
Don't tell me that is right! 

No im a man. And frankly your suggestions so far are deplorable. 

Thankfully most women will see that and avoid you like the plague. 

All the women are free to go away from me, no problem, but leave on their own not with my money, house and car.
It seems you like to be ripped off just for a change of life of your partner, but ok, I don't want to comment furthermore, your problem then, why should I cry for your loss  

AskAsk said:

RobHT said:

Not sure if who replied are all women , but anyway the thing is for both of us, we would agree on that, different reasons behind, but I need to make it sure that is done properly.
It's a bit early for us to talk about it, anyway I have to start one day, and obviously this contract works if signed from both parties, so...

Talking for myself instead, it's precisely because is not right at all to give money to someone that decided a change of life, and this happens too frequently, and in UK I've seen this precisely, people paying the other side life, in the meantime receiving other money from the new partner...
Don't tell me that is right! 

in the UK, unlike the US, you can't agree on split of assets in a contract as that would be ignored under divorce laws.  when it comes to splitting assets here is the law

http://bevanevemy.co.uk/how-to-divide-assets-in-a-uk-divorce/

you can agree between yourselves to split assets during divorce proceedings but often people tend to become greedy and malicious when they get divorced as most divorce are not amicable and things may have become ugly when it gets to that point.

generally women with young children benefit under UK divorce laws, if they are the one without assets.  the person with the most assets is generally the one who loses out as that has to be shared 50/50 pretty much if not more to the woman as she has children to look after and house.

Thanks for the explanation, now I probably understand the situation of my friends in UK, but I have one last critical question.
Just in case of "I wanna another one dear", what happens to my assets even if she has a young kid?
I mean, she decided to leave me, so why should I maintain her?
I would take the kid alone or pay benefits for the child, not her rent, car, make up and all the other things she will cry for, you understood right?
That't the job of the next unlucky man, why this is not fair to the guy above is very unclear to me.

Another way to resolve this would be changing the way to interpret the marriage or living together, how can I make the living together in a way that everyone maintains his own stuff after break up by personal choice?
For example, she living under my roof, a kid or even more, but not married, does the same 50/50 law apply? In other countries applies, but it's not the 50/50, it's just about childcare, nothing to the woman for leisure, even the house rent.
I may understand the matter of having to pay rent to the kids that are living with my ex, but guess what, I would propose to take care of them rather than giving them to her and pay her the life full of leisure, 50/50 to me sounds crazy, and that could explain my friends situation, with the only difference that they had a marriage.

RobHT

AskAsk said:

RobHT said:

Comms69 said:

1: the reason doesnt matter. It's split based upon need. 

2: no idea what you're talking about. 

3: those are not enforceable.

Dont get married, clearly not for you. 

Are you telling me that a contract signed from both parties doesn't work? Or it doesn't exist?

Moreover, I could also drop the idea of marriage, for a similar one like living under the same roof declared as partner, not sure in UK how that way to live is called.
With that, basically there are important things like getting into the hospital and help that person (privacy matters), and many other things, I may just think to some company benefit or whatever.

i am a woman and i am married.

yes, you can live as partners in the UK, you don't have to get married.  a lot of people do live together and never get married.  it makes it a lot simpler to leave the relationsip as divorce is lengthy in time and costs a lot of money.  it is very easy to get married in the UK, but it is very difficult to get divorced.

we lived together for 4 years before we thought about marriage.  we could have just continued quite happily living together without getting married, but my husband wanted to get married and I wanted a commitment from him in the form of a marriage certificate 

if i were to do it again, i wouldn't have got married as it just complicate things.  tax laws are also penal to married couples who have a lot of assets and i have had to pay a lot of tax because i am married, which i would have saved if we had just continued living together.

Thanks for sharing your experience  

Well, I knew that married couples pay less taxes, they have something called tax relief, also in case of kids, are you sure there wasn't something else? I don't think the marriage is the reason why you paid more taxes.

Yes, it complicates things, join bank accounts, savings, ISA or whatever type, credit score, any application for credit, it's such a pain I guess.

elsien

This is starting to sound very familiar. I'm sure there was a previous poster some time back who was an equally good catch with very similar views. Anyone else remember that?

RobHT

swingaloo said:

Well, I'm female and I detest anyone male or female that tries to screw someone they once loved over. But then again I'm from a generation when you married for love, hoped it would last for life and actually worked at it. 

The life was never a dream  
Anyway only in UK I've heard such things, certain times I think I'm really living in 500 years ago...
How come that someone takes himself outside the game and the other needs to pay on top of that , really, only in UK considering EU countries.

RobHT

elsien said:

swingaloo said:

Well, romance is clearly dead

They're going to be queuing up for this one. 
I'm bowing out of the rest of the debate which has already been covered extensively in another thread and I CBA doing it all over again. 

Talking about something is not the end of the world, take it easy  

Comms69

RobHT said:

Comms69 said:

RobHT said:

Not sure if who replied are all women , but anyway the thing is for both of us, we would agree on that, different reasons behind, but I need to make it sure that is done properly.
It's a bit early for us to talk about it, anyway I have to start one day, and obviously this contract works if signed from both parties, so...

Talking for myself instead, it's precisely because is not right at all to give money to someone that decided a change of life, and this happens too frequently, and in UK I've seen this precisely, people paying the other side life, in the meantime receiving other money from the new partner...
Don't tell me that is right! 

No im a man. And frankly your suggestions so far are deplorable. 

Thankfully most women will see that and avoid you like the plague. 

All the women are free to go away from me, no problem, but leave on their own not with my money, house and car.
It seems you like to be ripped off just for a change of life of your partner, but ok, I don't want to comment furthermore, your problem then, why should I cry for your loss  

AskAsk said:

RobHT said:

Not sure if who replied are all women , but anyway the thing is for both of us, we would agree on that, different reasons behind, but I need to make it sure that is done properly.
It's a bit early for us to talk about it, anyway I have to start one day, and obviously this contract works if signed from both parties, so...

Talking for myself instead, it's precisely because is not right at all to give money to someone that decided a change of life, and this happens too frequently, and in UK I've seen this precisely, people paying the other side life, in the meantime receiving other money from the new partner...
Don't tell me that is right! 

in the UK, unlike the US, you can't agree on split of assets in a contract as that would be ignored under divorce laws.  when it comes to splitting assets here is the law

http://bevanevemy.co.uk/how-to-divide-assets-in-a-uk-divorce/

you can agree between yourselves to split assets during divorce proceedings but often people tend to become greedy and malicious when they get divorced as most divorce are not amicable and things may have become ugly when it gets to that point.

generally women with young children benefit under UK divorce laws, if they are the one without assets.  the person with the most assets is generally the one who loses out as that has to be shared 50/50 pretty much if not more to the woman as she has children to look after and house.

Thanks for the explanation, now I probably understand the situation of my friends in UK, but I have one last critical question.
Just in case of "I wanna another one dear", what happens to my assets even if she has a young kid?
I mean, she decided to leave me, so why should I maintain her?
I would take the kid alone or pay benefits for the child, not her rent, car, make up and all the other things she will cry for, you understood right?
That't the job of the next unlucky man, why this is not fair to the guy above is very unclear to me.

Another way to resolve this would be changing the way to interpret the marriage or living together, how can I make the living together in a way that everyone maintains his own stuff after break up by personal choice?
For example, she living under my roof, a kid or even more, but not married, does the same 50/50 law apply? In other countries applies, but it's not the 50/50, it's just about childcare, nothing to the woman for leisure, even the house rent.
I may understand the matter of having to pay rent to the kids that are living with my ex, but guess what, I would propose to take care of them rather than giving them to her and pay her the life full of leisure, 50/50 to me sounds crazy, and that could explain my friends situation, with the only difference that they had a marriage.

Except marriage means you don’t have ‘your’ stuff, it’s all shared. That’s what marriage is a legally binding contract between two people. 

As for if you have a child you will pay 12% of your gross income ( minus 1/7 per day per week you can for your child). What she spends it on is up to her. 

If you are not married that is all you will pay. Most men with integrity pay more. 

RobHT

elsien said:

This is starting to sound very familiar. I'm sure there was a previous poster some time back who was an equally good catch with very similar views. Anyone else remember that?

I think every human on this planet thinks the same, tbh, ah wait, with an honest soul  
I'm not surprised to see many other similar discussions, but obviously I needed mine because I didn't find the answers I was looking for.