Fallout for not attending a wedding.

maman

I speak from experience ( and Incidentally the NUT became the NEU a couple of years ago when they took over ATL). OP is obviously an inexperienced teacher and an inexperienced parent and seems to me that both are influencing the decision.

From my experienced position, I went on holiday and returned the night before Ofsted (back in the day when schools were given notice) based on the fact I knew all the preparation was done. But that was me and OP doesn't have that confidence. 

I had a big birthday a couple of years ago and a niece cried off my party because of a new baby. So I've been in the aunt's position. I think it's unfortunate that OP's aunt has made her opinions public. I thought my niece was a bit of a snowflake as she could have come or left the baby (6 months) with her in laws for the day (6 hour return journey or stayed over) but they chose not to. It hurt but I accepted it and moved on but it did affect my opinion of niece and how she thought of me. 

OP has made his choice. He could go if he wanted to but he's prioritised his needs and what he can cope with. It may have dented relationship with family but that's the bargain he's made with himself. 
 

Mojisola

maman said:

I had a big birthday a couple of years ago and a niece cried off my party because of a new baby. So I've been in the aunt's position. 

I thought my niece was a bit of a snowflake as she could have come or left the baby (6 months) with her in laws for the day (6 hour return journey or stayed over) but they chose not to. It hurt but I accepted it and moved on but it did affect my opinion of niece and how she thought of me.

Really?  You think less of a mother with a young baby because she put herself and her baby before coming to your birthday party?  Wow!

sweetsand

maman said:

I speak from experience ( and Incidentally the NUT became the NEU a couple of years ago when they took over ATL). OP is obviously an inexperienced teacher and an inexperienced parent and seems to me that both are influencing the decision.

From my experienced position, I went on holiday and returned the night before Ofsted (back in the day when schools were given notice) based on the fact I knew all the preparation was done. But that was me and OP doesn't have that confidence. 

I had a big birthday a couple of years ago and a niece cried off my party because of a new baby. So I've been in the aunt's position. I think it's unfortunate that OP's aunt has made her opinions public. I thought my niece was a bit of a snowflake as she could have come or left the baby (6 months) with her in laws for the day (6 hour return journey or stayed over) but they chose not to. It hurt but I accepted it and moved on but it did affect my opinion of niece and how she thought of me. 

OP has made his choice. He could go if he wanted to but he's prioritised his needs and what he can cope with. It may have dented relationship with family but that's the bargain he's made with himself. 
 

good post - just shows how many people face this type of problem.

gettingtheresometime

Mojisola said:

maman said:

I had a big birthday a couple of years ago and a niece cried off my party because of a new baby. So I've been in the aunt's position. 

I thought my niece was a bit of a snowflake as she could have come or left the baby (6 months) with her in laws for the day (6 hour return journey or stayed over) but they chose not to. It hurt but I accepted it and moved on but it did affect my opinion of niece and how she thought of me.

Really?  You think less of a mother with a young baby because she put herself and her baby before coming to your birthday party?  Wow!

Generally speaking, and we've all done it (well I certainly have) babies & pets can & have been used as 'excuses' for not attending events when if we really really wanted to attend, a solution to the problem would have been found.

You tend to get a feeling when people are using said excuse, simply because you've done exactly the same.

sheramber

John_ said:

thegreengreengrass112 said:

-taff said:

No one [sensible] wants to go for a long trp with a small baby to a potentially lethal gathering and back again in one day when they're going to be stressed enough about the next wroking day. Covid is still about. Stay where you can control your exposure.

This has played another large part in our decision - we are still very anxious about this virus and want to do everything we can to protect ourselves and most importantly our baby. Which is another reason we are not wanting to go to service stations for baby feeding/changing etc. 

Babies don’t get ill with Covid, so you should not worry yourself on that point.

What  if the parents got COVID?  Who would look after the baby?

Mojisola

gettingtheresometime said:

Generally speaking, and we've all done it (well I certainly have) babies & pets can & have been used as 'excuses' for not attending events when if we really really wanted to attend, a solution to the problem would have been found.
You tend to get a feeling when people are using said excuse, simply because you've done exactly the same.

Why would you want someone at your event if they didn't want to be there?  
Invitations to birthday parties or weddings or other celebrations are just that - invitations - and people have the right to decide whether they want to go or not. 

John_

sheramber said:

John_ said:

thegreengreengrass112 said:

-taff said:

No one [sensible] wants to go for a long trp with a small baby to a potentially lethal gathering and back again in one day when they're going to be stressed enough about the next wroking day. Covid is still about. Stay where you can control your exposure.

This has played another large part in our decision - we are still very anxious about this virus and want to do everything we can to protect ourselves and most importantly our baby. Which is another reason we are not wanting to go to service stations for baby feeding/changing etc. 

Babies don’t get ill with Covid, so you should not worry yourself on that point.

What  if the parents got COVID?  Who would look after the baby?

Relatives, or the parents themselves.

sweetsand

Mojisola said:

gettingtheresometime said:

Generally speaking, and we've all done it (well I certainly have) babies & pets can & have been used as 'excuses' for not attending events when if we really really wanted to attend, a solution to the problem would have been found.
You tend to get a feeling when people are using said excuse, simply because you've done exactly the same.

Why would you want someone at your event if they didn't want to be there?  
Invitations to birthday parties or weddings or other celebrations are just that - invitations - and people have the right to decide whether they want to go or not. 

We are all aware of that it's more about unreasable realives/family

gettingtheresometime

Mojisola said:

gettingtheresometime said:

Generally speaking, and we've all done it (well I certainly have) babies & pets can & have been used as 'excuses' for not attending events when if we really really wanted to attend, a solution to the problem would have been found.
You tend to get a feeling when people are using said excuse, simply because you've done exactly the same.

Why would you want someone at your event if they didn't want to be there?  
Invitations to birthday parties or weddings or other celebrations are just that - invitations - and people have the right to decide whether they want to go or not. 

But there are some events that you're invited to that whilst you don't want to go, you feel obliged to go to ....have one myself in September....trust me if I thought for a nano second I could get out of it I would. But I'll put on an Oscar winning performance whilst I'm there. 

there are other events that you think no not going to that & put up the flimsiest of excuses for not going.

whilst others you move heaven & earth to attend

onwards&upwards

sheramber said:

John_ said:

thegreengreengrass112 said:

-taff said:

No one [sensible] wants to go for a long trp with a small baby to a potentially lethal gathering and back again in one day when they're going to be stressed enough about the next wroking day. Covid is still about. Stay where you can control your exposure.

This has played another large part in our decision - we are still very anxious about this virus and want to do everything we can to protect ourselves and most importantly our baby. Which is another reason we are not wanting to go to service stations for baby feeding/changing etc. 

Babies don’t get ill with Covid, so you should not worry yourself on that point.

What  if the parents got COVID?  Who would look after the baby?

In that situation you just go to Durham.