Fallout for not attending a wedding.

thegreengreengrass112

Me and my wife got married last year and invited our close friends and family for a medium/small sized wedding. This year, my wife's cousin is getting married and it was meant to be in May but due to Coronavirus plans changed. Since knowing the new date, the bride to be also stated that if her husband to be's family couldn't;t make it from Norway, the wedding would have to be postponed again! I start my teaching job in September and the wedding is for a Sunday and it's a three and a half hour drive from where we live. We also have a young daughter who is 5 months old who will find travelling for that amount of time difficult with teething pains etc etc. Also, she feeds on formula milk because breastfeeding was really difficult so we would have to make the bottles up as we need them which without a hotel room would be very stressful/impossible. Is it unreasonable for us not to attend the wedding? My wife's auntie is very, very upset that we aren't attending as they attended our wedding last year but the circumstances are totally different. We have explained politely why it is really difficult for us to attend and that we would have loved to have been there but a three and a half hour journey each way (without stopping) is too much to expect over a weekend when my job requires extra planning etc outside of school hours.

tealady

For heavens sake, just explain to the bride that you cannot attend due to the baby. Tell her you wish her well and leave it at that.
After all its YOUR life you need to consider.
It's a wedding not a Royal Command

Mojisola

Your wife's auntie is being irrational and unfair - you have two very understandable reasons not to make the journey - don't be pressurised into changing your mind. 
Is there any opportunity for you to view the ceremony remotely so that you can still be involved?

thegreengreengrass112

Mojisola said:

Your wife's auntie is being irrational and unfair - you have two very understandable reasons not to make the journey - don't be pressurised into changing your mind. 
Is there any opportunity for you to view the ceremony remotely so that you can still be involved?

Well after we explained the reasons we weren't able to attend and apologised for this etc, she was rather nasty and rude to my wife and stated that we simply couldn't be bothered to make the effort and that the journey would actually be easy for us, and suggested that we just didn't want to attend. Which of course wasn't true and was really upsetting. So I'm not sure about if there will be the opportunity to view remotely, but it's made it rather awkward to ask. Thank you for your reply - it's nice to know that not everybody thinks we are being unreasonable. 

gizmo111

Could you go on Saturday - stay in a hotel, do some work in the hotel if you need to on the weekend?  Attend wedding on Sunday then go home early?  That's if you want to go of course, if you can't make it then the family just have to accept that you and your wife have made the decision to go in the best interests of your family.

sweetsand

Dear OP
I can understand your aunts concerns.

your excuses can look weak to some but understandable to others, depending on the exact relationship and your family dynamics.
Phone them  about 2pmish or early evening about 7/8pm as most people are in a good mood - start off talking about her weeding and you are excited but you will do you best to get there but looking difficult as you start your new job the next day and the baby is very diifuclt to look after in a long, long trip in a car and work early morning and you feel awful but hope they understand
I thnk they will inderstand

x

ps - we have a massive wedding problem as stated on a covid thread - its not looking good as my OH's brother is a dictator type person

KxMx

How did the bride and groom take it?

While it's not nice to upset family Aunt isn't the one who matters here.

rach_k

My MIL is the same - she gets offended if I don't attend things but the bride/groom (there are always a zillion wedding events) are always fine about it.

On a side note, you can get formula in ready made bottles or cartons so don't let that stop you doing things you want to do!  They work out expensive if you choose them as your usual option but they're great for trips.  

MovingForwards

Mickey666 said:

Typical entitled bride, thinks the world revolves around her.  A wedding invitation is just that - an invitation.  It’s not an order.  The OP has politely explained why they cannot attend and that’s a perfectly reasonable position.  If the bride chooses to have a tantrum then that’s her choice but the OP should simply ignore it.  Just as most people ignore a child’s tantrum.

It's not bridezilla it's actually the aunt.

No OP,  you are not being unreasonable. Tell the aunt to FO and explain to the bride / groom you're unable to make it, but if live streaming is available you will be able to attend remotely.

thegreengreengrass112

sweetsand said:

Dear OP
I can understand your aunts concerns.

your excuses can look weak to some but understandable to others, depending on the exact relationship and your family dynamics.
Phone them  about 2pmish or early evening about 7/8pm as most people are in a good mood - start off talking about her weeding and you are excited but you will do you best to get there but looking difficult as you start your new job the next day and the baby is very diifuclt to look after in a long, long trip in a car and work early morning and you feel awful but hope they understand
I thnk they will inderstand

x

ps - we have a massive wedding problem as stated on a covid thread - its not looking good as my OH's brother is a dictator type person

Hi, we did this yesterday and unfortunately the aunt is not considering any of our circumstances and is just dismissing everything we have had to say. We spoke to the bride and groom about us being unable to attend first and apologised profusely, and they understood even though they were understandably disappointed. Especially after having had to change their plans due to covid. After speaking to the aunt, we have been verbally attacked by her and she has actually told us not to contact her or the bride again and that she essentially wants nothing more to do with us. This all feels very dramatic to us as we have only explained our reasons and apologised, but there is nothing we can really do now. 

thegreengreengrass112

rach_k said:

My MIL is the same - she gets offended if I don't attend things but the bride/groom (there are always a zillion wedding events) are always fine about it.

On a side note, you can get formula in ready made bottles or cartons so don't let that stop you doing things you want to do!  They work out expensive if you choose them as your usual option but they're great for trips.  

Hi, thanks for the suggestion but we have tried our daughter on the ready made formula and unfortunately her stomach can't tolerate it and she throws it all back up and it really upsets her. So unfortunately it isn't an option for us, but thank you anyway! And it's the same situation with the bride and groom in this case too - we spoke to them about it and they understood even though they were disappointed. X