Fallout for not attending a wedding.

borkid

gettingtheresometime said:

Whilst I fully sympathise with your predicament if you look at the timeline (ignoring the pandemic for a moment) it could come across as you're now trying to scratch around for excuses not to go.
Your daughter, in May, would have been 2 months old so you would have still had a 3+ hr journey to contend with and whilst I'm not a teacher, how much planning would you need to do in the first weeks of term, especially if you're a new member of staff (again I'm assuming that you're a newly qualified teacher but even if you're swapping teaching jobs there is an argument that you would have had planning to do back in May, again ignoring the pandemic for a moment) 

I have no idea of what your relationship is with the bride and it may be a case that (and I apologise for how this may come across - words typed often come across as more blunter than if they were said) she would be glad of you dropping out so she can invite friends that had to previously been dis-invited due to the covid restrictions.

There can be a lot of planning and I suspect in the current situation even more especially with distancing  so all group work would need to be rearranged. I've been out of classroom teaching for a good few years but the last thing you need the day before is to travel to a wedding with a baby. You need rest. Also depending on the school and age group, you might not know the classes you are teaching so different age groups and different abilites.

Fireflyaway

I think if you really wanted to go you could have found a way. Most babies will sleep on a long car journey and why can't you stop at a service station to get a coffee and change / feed the baby etc on the way? 
However you know your family best and it's your choice. From what I'm reading you were very polite and contacted the bride and explained and apologized and there were no hard feelings. That should have been the end of it. Sounds as though the aunt is extremely rude and over stepping boundaries here. You don't have to justify yourself to her. I'd ignore her until she apologises (if she ever does). I'd question though how much she would have valued your attendance? If she can be so rude about something that's really none of her business and hasn't harmed anyone, how much does she actually like you? ! 
Try not to let it worry you. Send a nice wedding card to the couple and just ignore the nosy rude auntie. 

thegreengreengrass112

I understand the comments saying if we REALLY wanted to go we would and the truth is weighing up the pros and cons it just wouldn't be worth it. 

sheramber

 That is the bottom line and  that is your choice. It is not worth it.
To others  it would be worth it

-taff

No one [sensible] wants to go for a long trp with a small baby to a potentially lethal gathering and back again in one day when they're going to be stressed enough about the next wroking day. Covid is still about. Stay where you can control your exposure.

onwards&upwards

sheramber said:

 That is the bottom line and  that is your choice. It is not worth it.
To others  it would be worth it

Which is absolutely fine, and of course you will always remember that others have the right to make the same choice about your events, such as the baby's christening, birthday parties, their wedding when they are grown up etc.  

sweetsand

-taff said:

No one [sensible] wants to go for a long trp with a small baby to a potentially lethal gathering and back again in one day when they're going to be stressed enough about the next wroking day. Covid is still about. Stay where you can control your exposure.

Harsh but fair. OP, your choice, looks like you've made your mind up about not going so don,t and do what I and others have said
It will all blow over and if not, their loss as you have expalined everyhting - we are not all the same and your aunt must remeber that.

thegreengreengrass112

onwards&upwards said:

sheramber said:

 That is the bottom line and  that is your choice. It is not worth it.
To others  it would be worth it

Which is absolutely fine, and of course you will always remember that others have the right to make the same choice about your events, such as the baby's christening, birthday parties, their wedding when they are grown up etc.  

Of course! That is only right - we would never think otherwise

thegreengreengrass112

-taff said:

No one [sensible] wants to go for a long trp with a small baby to a potentially lethal gathering and back again in one day when they're going to be stressed enough about the next wroking day. Covid is still about. Stay where you can control your exposure.

This has played another large part in our decision - we are still very anxious about this virus and want to do everything we can to protect ourselves and most importantly our baby. Which is another reason we are not wanting to go to service stations for baby feeding/changing etc. 

thegreengreengrass112

gettingtheresometime said:

Whilst I fully sympathise with your predicament if you look at the timeline (ignoring the pandemic for a moment) it could come across as you're now trying to scratch around for excuses not to go.
Your daughter, in May, would have been 2 months old so you would have still had a 3+ hr journey to contend with and whilst I'm not a teacher, how much planning would you need to do in the first weeks of term, especially if you're a new member of staff (again I'm assuming that you're a newly qualified teacher but even if you're swapping teaching jobs there is an argument that you would have had planning to do back in May, again ignoring the pandemic for a moment) 

I have no idea of what your relationship is with the bride and it may be a case that (and I apologise for how this may come across - words typed often come across as more blunter than if they were said) she would be glad of you dropping out so she can invite friends that had to previously been dis-invited due to the covid restrictions.

We actually thought this later point may have been the case before we RSVP'd - as we have never had a close relationship with the bride, we honestly didn't think it'd be such a huge problem to anyone.