Fallout for not attending a wedding.

thegreengreengrass112

maman said:

Mojisola said:

maman said:

I had a big birthday a couple of years ago and a niece cried off my party because of a new baby. So I've been in the aunt's position. 

I thought my niece was a bit of a snowflake as she could have come or left the baby (6 months) with her in laws for the day (6 hour return journey or stayed over) but they chose not to. It hurt but I accepted it and moved on but it did affect my opinion of niece and how she thought of me.

Really?  You think less of a mother with a young baby because she put herself and her baby before coming to your birthday party?  Wow!

Yes, really. Why would I bother inviting someone to my party if I didn't care whether they came or not? Why would I not feel a little bit hurt when I knew she could have come but chose not to? 

OP has made his decision. I can see his reasoning about the baby and him worrying about his new job but I think we all know that if he really, really wanted to he could go to the wedding. He may not care what his aunt thinks or any other family members who might be disappointed with him. He's made his choice now he has to live with it. Surely the reason for the thread was to get support for/discussion of  his choice as he wasn't sure. 

As we have previously stated, if we did really *really* want to go, then we would have gone above and beyond to put ourselves out to do so. However, as we have never had a close relationship with the bride, or indeed the aunt really, we have made the decision to put ourselves, our new baby and new jobs first. We would never expect anybody to put themselves out so much for us, and accepted in good grace when family could not attend our wedding for their own reasons. If anybody thinks less of us for putting our own family first in these circumstances and in the current climate regarding coronavirus, then to be honest we are probably better off without them. 

thegreengreengrass112

John_ said:

thegreengreengrass112 said:

-taff said:

No one [sensible] wants to go for a long trp with a small baby to a potentially lethal gathering and back again in one day when they're going to be stressed enough about the next wroking day. Covid is still about. Stay where you can control your exposure.

This has played another large part in our decision - we are still very anxious about this virus and want to do everything we can to protect ourselves and most importantly our baby. Which is another reason we are not wanting to go to service stations for baby feeding/changing etc. 

Babies don’t get ill with Covid, so you should not worry yourself on that point.

Absolutely not true. Of course babies can catch and get ill with Covid. Even if that were true, we would still rather not catch it ourselves... 

thegreengreengrass112

John_ said:

Don’t go if you don’t want, but really, those reasons sound a bit silly. You put the baby in a car seat and drive there, give them Calpol and a teething ring if teething, and buy a box of the Aptamil pre-mix little bottles that each come with a disposable teat.

We drove from Northumberland to Kent last month with a little baby and a two year-old, and it was absolutely fine. 

All children are different, as are all parents. We all know our children the best, and what they and we are comfortable with. As a side-note, we have already highlighted that our baby cannot stomach pre-mix/ready-made formula.

happyandcontented

thegreengreengrass112 said:

John_ said:

Don’t go if you don’t want, but really, those reasons sound a bit silly. You put the baby in a car seat and drive there, give them Calpol and a teething ring if teething, and buy a box of the Aptamil pre-mix little bottles that each come with a disposable teat.

We drove from Northumberland to Kent last month with a little baby and a two year-old, and it was absolutely fine. 

All children are different, as are all parents. We all know our children the best, and what they and we are comfortable with. As a side-note, we have already highlighted that our baby cannot stomach pre-mix/ready-made formula.

I am guessing that this is your first child?

Pollycat

OP

I wouldn't keep justifying yourself.

You were invited.

You declined.

That's allowed.

That's the end of it as far as you're concerned.

You can deal with MOBzilla if she wishes to continue her (imho silly) vendetta and with the bride and groom if they later wish to make something out of your decision.

sweetsand

Dear OP
This is my last post on the subject.
You were invited by family and should go if you can without facing difficulties yourself.
You are facing diffuciltes
You have told the bride and they intially accepted.
Your aunt has stepped in like most aunts step in and like some, she is unreasoanble.
You do not need to keep on and on explaing yourself away to those trying to
possibly wind you up.
I am saying don't go and that is the consenscus here
I am also saying, if aunt etc don't talk to you, their loss but
I appreciate the diffs.
The choice is yours and that is the bottom line
x

CRANKY40

thegreengreengrass112 said:

All children are different, as are all parents. We all know our children the best, and what they and we are comfortable with. As a side-note, we have already highlighted that our baby cannot stomach pre-mix/ready-made formula.

Yep, mine chucked it up too. He was ok on the powder/water mix yourself stuff, but the milk that came in cartons already mixed was a no go. Strangely, calpol had the same effect. He was OK with paracetamol liquid from the pharmacist but the bright pink stuff was instant upchuck. The pharmacist said he was probably sensitive to something in the base of calpol rather than paracetamol itself. 

Incidentally, car seat manufacturers recommend that a baby shouldn't be in a car seat for as long as the potential journey would have taken just one way in 24 hours, never mind both....

As the bride and groom have said it's ok with them I'd probably make a little extra effort present wise, especially in view of petrol money saved. Nobody wants a small child yelling during their wedding ceremony anyway....I had one and he was removed very quickly by my aunty (his mother was a witness so needed to stay ha ha). We made it up to him by giving him the first slice of wedding cake that we cut (he was two). 

Kynthia

happyandcontented said:

thegreengreengrass112 said:

John_ said:

Don’t go if you don’t want, but really, those reasons sound a bit silly. You put the baby in a car seat and drive there, give them Calpol and a teething ring if teething, and buy a box of the Aptamil pre-mix little bottles that each come with a disposable teat.

We drove from Northumberland to Kent last month with a little baby and a two year-old, and it was absolutely fine. 

All children are different, as are all parents. We all know our children the best, and what they and we are comfortable with. As a side-note, we have already highlighted that our baby cannot stomach pre-mix/ready-made formula.

I am guessing that this is your first child?

Is that some kind of dig, with you insinuating they would be different if it wasn't their first child? 

Children are all different and many aren't happy with long drives. One person having a baby that was doesn't change anything. I turned down a wedding invitation due to having a toddler and a baby, and not wanting to do a very long drive with them. Mine would have been a nightmare and we couldn't leave the children with family as they were attending the wedding too. So second time parents can have babies who dont like long car journeys too.

thegreengreengrass112

Kynthia said:

happyandcontented said:

thegreengreengrass112 said:

John_ said:

Don’t go if you don’t want, but really, those reasons sound a bit silly. You put the baby in a car seat and drive there, give them Calpol and a teething ring if teething, and buy a box of the Aptamil pre-mix little bottles that each come with a disposable teat.

We drove from Northumberland to Kent last month with a little baby and a two year-old, and it was absolutely fine. 

All children are different, as are all parents. We all know our children the best, and what they and we are comfortable with. As a side-note, we have already highlighted that our baby cannot stomach pre-mix/ready-made formula.

I am guessing that this is your first child?

Is that some kind of dig, with you insinuating they would be different if it wasn't their first child? 

Children are all different and many aren't happy with long drives. One person having a baby that was doesn't change anything. I turned down a wedding invitation due to having a toddler and a baby, and not wanting to do a very long drive with them. Mine would have been a nightmare and we couldn't leave the children with family as they were attending the wedding too. So second time parents can have babies who dont like long car journeys too.

Exactly my point Kynthia, whether or not this is our first child is not relevant. We would have the same attitude and put the needs of our baby first, no matter what. What works for one person with one child, won't always work for everyone else. Good on you for putting the needs of you and your children first. 

thegreengreengrass112

Thanks everyone for your comments. We won't be commenting on this thread again as we very firmly believe that we have made the right decision, and that if the aunt is going to treat us in this way, we are better off without her in our lives. We are doing what is best for our family, and amid all the circumstances, we know we are doing the right thing. It's nice to know that there are other reasonable people out there!