Fallout for not attending a wedding.

Flugelhorn

If it was going to be hard to get there with a young child (at yes one of the those most tricky ages) then I would just say no, Aunt may witter on about it for years but so what?  I have had family members go on about no attendance at events but found that the people who really mattered (eg bride & groom, baby at a christening, deceased person at a funeral etc ) really didn't mind at all. The world is not going to collapse if someone doesn't go to a cousin's wedding.

pollypenny

mr_stripey said:

pollypenny said:

I don't think non-teachers realise that Sunday is a working day for teachers.  

OP, you're new job and baby are your priorities. 

probably the same way teachers don't realise that non teachers have to go to work when there is 1cm of snow on the ground....

Individual teachers do not close the school. Schools are usually closed by the LEA because school buses aren't running and/ or the yard is too slippery for kids, especially primary kids. 

pollypenny

Madmel said:

OP, as others have said, it's an invitation not a summons and given that the Bride & Groom have accepted the situation, you don't need to justify yourself to anyone else.

To those who are berating the OP for wanting to keep a September weekend free having just started their NQT year, I think you are really mean.  Covid aside, the NQT year is stressful enough.  Whilst you have a mentor and hopefully department head to help, you are on your own in terms of planning, teaching and marking.  I'm about to start my 27th year in teaching (god, I'm ancient!) and whilst I normally don't spend more than a couple of days over the summer holidays planning ahead, this next term is going to be really odd.  All my normal schemes of work need adapting to non-practical work in non-specialist classrooms.  I'm lucky in that I am up to speed on the 3 exam specs I teach and classroom management is just not an issue as I've seen it all before and work in a lovely school.  We know nothing about the OP's situation and therefore, we can't judge them.  The old adage "don't smile until Christmas" is sadly still true.  

OP, it is the most fabulous job most of the time.  However, you need to hit the ground running as you have to pass your NQT year.  Whilst it is a shame about the wedding, if it could have gone ahead in May, life for you would have been simpler.  

To all those moaning about us taking time off when it snows: my school has kids travelling for up to an hour from 3 different directions taking in 3 counties.  The weather in one county could be very different from another.  Most kids come in by bus. Often we ARE able and willing to go into school but the transport companies refuse to operate. If there are only going to be 3 kids per class, it's not worth risking it ourselves. We need to make early decisions as it's much simpler to announce a closure at 7am based on a forecast than to shut the school in the middle of the day. We always tell the kids to have a bad weather plan, but invariably there are some who can't contact home when school suddenly closes, or who don't know which relative to go to, or who don't know mum's work number etc.  It is immensely stressful trying to sort them out so that they don't miss the bus.  OP, sorry for derailing and best of luck for your new job.

Brilliant post!  👏👏👏👏

sweetsand

pollypenny said:

mr_stripey said:

pollypenny said:

I don't think non-teachers realise that Sunday is a working day for teachers.  

OP, you're new job and baby are your priorities. 

probably the same way teachers don't realise that non teachers have to go to work when there is 1cm of snow on the ground....

Individual teachers do not close the school. Schools are usually closed by the LEA because school buses aren't running and/ or the yard is too slippery for kids, especially primary kids. 

Private schools do not close at the first sign of snow and some relatives/family we have work in private scools laugh when they hear these stories. At the private scools all they do when there is much heavier snow, they clear all the relevant paths for health and safety and children get staggered breaks if required. One of the teachers that left an ordianry taxpayers fully funded school and went private often complained about these kind of things and they were sent to Coventry by the majoirty so they left. It's what teachers make of it and private schools would soon start losing money if they all closed at the first sign of snow.

sweetsand

John_ said:

sheramber said:

John_ said:

thegreengreengrass112 said:

-taff said:

No one [sensible] wants to go for a long trp with a small baby to a potentially lethal gathering and back again in one day when they're going to be stressed enough about the next wroking day. Covid is still about. Stay where you can control your exposure.

This has played another large part in our decision - we are still very anxious about this virus and want to do everything we can to protect ourselves and most importantly our baby. Which is another reason we are not wanting to go to service stations for baby feeding/changing etc. 

Babies don’t get ill with Covid, so you should not worry yourself on that point.

What  if the parents got COVID?  Who would look after the baby?

Relatives, or the parents themselves.

There is still a massive risk attending gatherings especially inside as sadly from what I have seen, heard, people may start off on the right foot but soon forget re SD good practices.

I think we all know what the OP will be doing and I for one am with them.
If aunty does not speak with them afterwards, here loss.

sweetsand

Flugelhorn said:

If it was going to be hard to get there with a young child (at yes one of the those most tricky ages) then I would just say no, Aunt may witter on about it for years but so what?  I have had family members go on about no attendance at events but found that the people who really mattered (eg bride & groom, baby at a christening, deceased person at a funeral etc ) really didn't mind at all. The world is not going to collapse if someone doesn't go to a cousin's wedding.

Thanks a helpful post like many but would you agree the bottom line is the OP's choice and if aunt still wound up, here problem.

pickledonionspaceraider

Pollycat said:

pickledonionspaceraider said:

Another toxic thread...

I thought the majority of the responses were fair.

I don't think a wedding invitation is a summons or Royal Command but I know people disagree with my viewpoint and think that the OP should attend.

Why do you think this thread is toxic?

I mean that the thread contains some elements of people trying to 'out belittle' each other....and going way off topic.
There are also fair responses too. 

Flugelhorn

sweetsand said:

Flugelhorn said:

If it was going to be hard to get there with a young child (at yes one of the those most tricky ages) then I would just say no, Aunt may witter on about it for years but so what?  I have had family members go on about no attendance at events but found that the people who really mattered (eg bride & groom, baby at a christening, deceased person at a funeral etc ) really didn't mind at all. The world is not going to collapse if someone doesn't go to a cousin's wedding.

Thanks a helpful post like many but would you agree the bottom line is the OP's choice and if aunt still wound up, here problem.

I totally agree - the Aunt is the one with the problem. An invitation is just that - no-one has  to go! 

mrschaucer

Flugelhorn said:

I totally agree - the Aunt is the one with the problem. 

^^^^^^^ This in spades.

Sea_Shell

We've turned down wedding invites in the past. 

Didn't go down well once when a parent "assumed" you'd be attending and "assumed" you'd take them too!!

They'd already confirmed their attendance.