Money Moral Dilemma: Should we charge our grown-up children for living with us during lockdown?

pugsydog

Definitely to pay for their share of food and utilities, and help with chores. Dependent on their usage and treatment of your stuff possibly even a small “ wear and tear” cost or replacing anything damaged. If it was a couple of weeks, that’s a different matter, but it sounds like they are setting in for a long stay, they may even have paused their rental. I’d be getting a bit wary, and if it’s causing rows, it needs sorting. Family council time! 

Booshybubby

Of course they should pay! Especially if they're earning more than you. Ridiculous to think otherwise in my opinion. 

bethanyrs

DaveWetzel said:

Our problem is the opposite. Our daughter, her boyfriend and her 2 kids in their 20s live with us on a permanent basis and we love it.  During the lockdown my low-waged daughter is on furlough and her minicab boyfriend lost all his income (newly self-employed) but not only do they insist on paying their housekeeping but we had a recent fire that completely destroyed our shed and three fences and they have worked tirelessly in all weathers (heat and rain) to clear the debris into two skips, renew the fences, cement a new base for the replacement summerhouse, created a lovely new wooden patio from salvaged wood, a new Bar-B-Q area  and have offered to erect the summerhouse when it arrives. We've paid for most of the materials but they have refused any payment at all (including a free holiday of their choice to somewhere exotic next year). Admiral Insurance have paid a very fair compensation package for the fencing, shed and items lost but which also includes labour costs for the restoration which we are not incurring. How can we reward them without causing offence?

If rewards with money is an issue, why not reward with time/ effort etc? E.g. look after children so they can have a weekend away

Sum0

Rent no, but all other costs (food, gas, electric, water etc) yes. And they should pay for all of this for all the time they’ve stayed with you. I’m surprised and disappointed if they haven’t offered. 

If they’re not doing their share of housework they should be doing this too.

Also, now social group meeting has expanded they should be looking to move back home since you’ll still be able to meet each other. 

Akashr

Personally disagree with charging children rent as a general concept. Especially as they're paying their rent already and you don't pay rent/mortgage per person in the home. It's only a temporary measure so what's the need apart from greed? I agree should cover incremental costs for food & utilities and I'm sure most would be fine with that given they're most likely saving that already. It's not a case of "teaching them responsibility" as some say, by making them pay, there's plenty of better ways to teach children financial management without charging them. Also if they've moved out and pay their way there, then there's no need to. My parents have never charged me a penny, knowing that I would never waste my money on unnecessary things and from that, I bought a home in my early 20s. 

In theory, all they should pay is what they've costed you, you're no worse off then. If they weren't there and you were already in a financial difficulty, it's not the kids responsibility to pay rent for that reason. If you needed help generally, asking for financial assistance, regardless of them living with you should be understandable but you shouldn't be "charging" them to make you able to cover your own general costs. If my parents or future children needed financial assistance, I would help them if they needed it and I could afford to.

SavSue

I think it would be fair for them to contribute to the extra food and energy costs during their stay, if their finances allow for this. However you cannot put a value on having family around right now in case you need assistance i.e shopping, medicines and caring for you if you fell ill. My daughter is abroad and I wish we were all together, I envy you the company, but it is quite normal for adults returning home to expect to be looked after as they were as children. I do hope there are no lasting resentments as this virus has destroyed enough families already.  

magicgranny

Yes, they should make a contribution to expenses. I wouldn’t ask for rent but I would expect something towards food and utility bills. My own daughter has done the food shopping for us all. That’s a fair contribution. 

ginger_chocolate

Our problem is the opposite. Our daughter, her boyfriend and her 2 kids in their 20s live with us on a permanent basis and we love it.  During the lockdown my low-waged daughter is on furlough and her minicab boyfriend lost all his income (newly self-employed) but not only do they insist on paying their housekeeping but we had a recent fire that completely destroyed our shed and three fences and they have worked tirelessly in all weathers (heat and rain) to clear the debris into two skips, renew the fences, cement a new base for the replacement summerhouse, created a lovely new wooden patio from salvaged wood, a new Bar-B-Q area  and have offered to erect the summerhouse when it arrives. We've paid for most of the materials but they have refused any payment at all (including a free holiday of their choice to somewhere exotic next year). Admiral Insurance have paid a very fair compensation package for the fencing, shed and items lost but which also includes labour costs for the restoration which we are not incurring. How can we reward them without causing offence?

Book a holiday cottage big enough for four and tell them that you'd love it if they accompanied you on holiday and it won't cost any more for you to have four people in the accommodation than two, so they may as well tag along?

Mojisola

SavSue said:

it is quite normal for adults returning home to expect to be looked after as they were as children.

Maybe in your family.

I would be ashamed of not paying my way while I was living in someone else's house, especially if that was my parents.

I had one spell when I was very short of money but paid in kind by taking on most of the chores and giving my parents some extra free time.

onwards&upwards

PaddyJG said:

I think that a few people are missing the point that:

• They are paying rent in another flat
• It is for the lockdown only

I don't think that they should need to pay rent if they are paying rent elsewhere. This is a temporary situation while they are in lockdown.

Lockdown’s over.  They can come and visit mum any time they want.  No need to stay any longer!