Money Moral Dilemma: Should we charge our grown-up children for living with us during lockdown?

Pollycat

MSE_Kelvin said:

They came to stay with my partner and I when lockdown was first announced so we could be together. They're both working from our home and both earn more than us, so I think they should pay their way while they're here. Yet my partner doesn't think they should because they're still paying rent on their own homes, and it's caused many an argument.

What do your grown up children think?

Haven't they even offered to pay anything towards bills, food etc?

That's pretty selfish offspring imho.

silvercar said:

You invited them to live with you and now you want them to pay for the privilege?
the time to discuss payment was when you first invited them.

I can't see where it says they were invited.

They may have just invited themselves.

Maybe it was the children who wanted to 'be together'.

saed

our son moved home for the lockdown and was working from home. He offered to pay us but we suggested to him that he should put the money into a separate savings account towards a house deposit instead. The lockdown provided a rare opportunity   for him to save despite  still paying rent on his London flat and he has managed to save well over £2000, a drop in the ocean for a house deposit but at least he has made a start. He also spent his weekends doing all the heavy digging in the garden for us that we have been avoiding for the last 6 months. It was a stretch for us financially as my husband is self employed and had little or no work but we have managed ok and we would have struggled more to just give him the £2500 towards a deposit from bank of mum &dad 

rrpb23

My sister and I (both working full time) live with our parents and they would never ask us to contribute financially to our household. I'm not sure if this is a cultural thing as we are Asian but we share all chores, cooking, cleaning, laundry etc equally so we do contribute. Our parents have always said they want us to save our money for our future. We do offer to contribute financially but they always say no. I think being present and thoughtful/helpful around the house goes a longer way and teaches us more.

PaddyJG

I think that a few people are missing the point that:

• They are paying rent in another flat
• It is for the lockdown only

I don't think that they should need to pay rent if they are paying rent elsewhere. This is a temporary situation while they are in lockdown.

However, I do think that they should contribute to grocery costs, as they are likely to increase during the time they are staying. Unless energy bills shoot up, I don't think it's necessary to charge them.

PaddyJG

REJP said:

Just another variation of a regular dilemma.
they should pay towards food and utilities.. You should lay down rules before letting them move in.
if they don't agree, show them the door and take their keys off them.

I think you're completely missing the point, this is a 'moral dilemma'. They're not just random lodgers, they're the subject's children. Do you have kids?

PaddyJG

DaveWetzel said:

Our problem is the opposite. Our daughter, her boyfriend and her 2 kids in their 20s live with us on a permanent basis and we love it.  During the lockdown my low-waged daughter is on furlough and her minicab boyfriend lost all his income (newly self-employed) but not only do they insist on paying their housekeeping but we had a recent fire that completely destroyed our shed and three fences and they have worked tirelessly in all weathers (heat and rain) to clear the debris into two skips, renew the fences, cement a new base for the replacement summerhouse, created a lovely new wooden patio from salvaged wood, a new Bar-B-Q area  and have offered to erect the summerhouse when it arrives. We've paid for most of the materials but they have refused any payment at all (including a free holiday of their choice to somewhere exotic next year). Admiral Insurance have paid a very fair compensation package for the fencing, shed and items lost but which also includes labour costs for the restoration which we are not incurring. How can we reward them without causing offence?

Sounds like you've raised her very well. Don't feel like you need to reward them using monetary ways, because they obviously don't want it. It sounds corny, but love and thoughtful gifts would probably be better.

Kirowa1964

Yes they absolutely should contribute! Both are working and as grown-ups should be expected to help out with bills etc. You shouldn't even have to ask them to be honest, they should have discussed with you before agreeing to move in the money situation. They are taking advantage of the situation and while they are not confronted with the issue, will continue to do so.

Kate3012

Silvertabby said:

Rent no, food yes.

If they are to pay towards the food, why not pay towards the rent?  If they were on a holiday, they would be paying for accommodation and food, the couple of chose to go and stay with the parent and partner.

JenniT

Yes buying food and cooking dinners, as well as other general household help, would be my approach for them, and indeed should be the way they've offered to work while at home; makes for a harmonious home life.  If they're paying rent to keep their flats there's no need to charge them unless you really need that money; and I'd expect that they're talking about moving back shortly; mine are!!

Spendless

DaveWetzel said:

Our problem is the opposite. Our daughter, her boyfriend and her 2 kids in their 20s live with us on a permanent basis and we love it.  During the lockdown my low-waged daughter is on furlough and her minicab boyfriend lost all his income (newly self-employed) but not only do they insist on paying their housekeeping but we had a recent fire that completely destroyed our shed and three fences and they have worked tirelessly in all weathers (heat and rain) to clear the debris into two skips, renew the fences, cement a new base for the replacement summerhouse, created a lovely new wooden patio from salvaged wood, a new Bar-B-Q area  and have offered to erect the summerhouse when it arrives. We've paid for most of the materials but they have refused any payment at all (including a free holiday of their choice to somewhere exotic next year). Admiral Insurance have paid a very fair compensation package for the fencing, shed and items lost but which also includes labour costs for the restoration which we are not incurring. How can we reward them without causing offence?

What about something that is for all 6 of you, a holiday either UK or abroad or tickets to see a show (once theatres re-open) combined with a weekend in London.