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tootiemac

Black_Saturn said:

When you make a commitment which is supposed to be for life, it is not so easy to then make a decision to turn your back on someone, and walk away, simply because they are ill. Instead, you try to make it right - to make them feel right, but it is exhausting.

You are more than welcome.
I 100% agree and hence leaving my marriage was one of the hardest things I have done.
Granted I don't have kids but I have pets and though not on the same level when i left i could only take my dog and had to leave the cats, he didn't care for them and it just showed me that all that mattered to him was him.
I will also say that children are Sponges, they soak everything up even when you don't think they are listen or looking.

Fireflyaway

I've seen in my husband that smallish things that I wouldn't stress about can really make him down and stay down for a long time. Many people with depression just don't have the mental resilience to park an issue and move on. 
 I suppose maybe work and money, the current restrictions and the feeling that life is just a boring repeat, day after day has just become too much.  Having said that, if he doesn't take some action, nothing will change. Could he change career path? Could you look at your budget so he could drop some hours and make up the week by doing a different part time job? I don't know how old he is but 10,20,30 years of doing something you don't like is not a nice thought. I had a horrid experience at work where I was so unhappy. I felt sick every day, over ate, drank too much etc. Eventually I was signed off with stress so I quit. My next job paid a lot less but I was happy! You can't put a price on that. Does your husband take a lot of pride in providing for the family? Is his identity connected a lot to his job? Maybe he is reluctant to change jobs / pay because he feels he will let you down? Just ask him outright. 'Bob I really care about you and feel so sad seeing you down like this. What change can you make in life to feel better in yourself ?' Then see if he actually has an answer or if he just gets annoyed. It comes back to the fact he needs to make the changes. 
Regarding him talking about suicide. You can't blame yourself. If you have made it clear you are there to support him. You have tried to be loving and patient. You can't do much more. It's his life and he has the ability to do what he wants. It's definitely not ok if he is saying it just to upset or control you though. Have you asked him if there is anything you can do to help? How does he respond to that? Does he make sensible suggestions or again use it to insult you? 
I really hope this episode passes. I'm like you that my marriage vows were forever. Through all the hard times etc. However even though I'm very anti divorce and don't believe in giving up until everything has been tried, you can't always see what lies ahead. People do change and can treat you in ways you never imagined. So bad sometimes that if you had known it was coming, you wouldn't have got married!!  If your life and your kids life is miserable there is nothing noble in putting up with it. What started as 1 unhappy person then becomes 3. I'm not saying walk away and don't look back. Just consider that maybe this situation won't change and have a plan in case that's so. 

-taff

No one has said give up on him. Rather, stop giving up on yourself.

NeilCr

Just to try to add a positive note.

My ex came through her mental health problems and suicide attempts and now lives a stable and contented life. The key for her was that she gained an understanding of her illness and how it affected her. She realised that her black dogs were cyclical. Thus when she  was going into one she knew there would be an end to it. She, also, did a psychology course (which ended up as a PhD a number of years later) to get to know about her issues. She said that at least a third of the people on the course were there for the same reason

We did split  in the end but it had nothing to do with her illness. We probably shouldn't have married in the first place and drifted into separate lives. Our parting was very amicable and we remain friends.

Probably a long way of saying that your husband does need to want to help himself. That definitely was a big part for my ex

Fireflyaway

OP I made the decision when I moved out of my parents home that I wanted to be quite private. It's natural that people will talk. I'm always hearing that x's daughter did this and y's son had that happen and I don't want people to be talking about me so I volunteer very little information! My husband knows if he tells me something it stays between the two of us. Not sure if your husband is this way but mine is often a bit paranoid or at least overthinks. When we first met, if I was late getting to his place after work, he would assume I was chatting to another guy. Traffic jams never entered his mind!  I'm waffling but what I'm getting at is maybe his view of what people think of him or how frequently they consider his actions is distorted? He needs to live his life and do what makes him happy. So what if he earns less than family members? Who cares what car he drives or what shoes he wears?!  It's really nobodies business. If someone does judge him poorly because of his income / job title or belongings I'd question their relationship. If you care about someone you want them to be happy.
Also if he compares himself to others, that's really self sabotage at times. A few years back my husband had a job in the financial district in London. I worked in a deprived neighbourhood. So I'd come home feeling so happy that I had food in the fridge and could afford to put the heating on. I felt really fortunate. My husband on the other hand was surrounded by people wearing designer clothes. They lived in posh apartments in the city and popped to luxurious places for the weekend. Where I worked people travelled by bus. Where he worked the streets were full of Lamborghini's and Porsches! He felt really poor and inadequate! My husband shared with me recently that he felt so much better in himself when he stopped comparing himself and started being grateful for what he has, rather than being down about what he doesn't have. 
I'm not saying cut yourself off but maybe don't give family members the chance to pass judgement.