Sh*t creek - is now in my rear view mirror...!

ginnyknit

Can you tell them they have been offered a holiday while the work is done rather than them thinking they are being forced out of their home? Just a thought. The sooner its all started and finished the sooner you can relax a bit. 

Irenadler

Thanks Babs & ginnyknit!
The insurer's are not only offering to pay for a hotel (moderately priced), but, offering to find one too. So they know they could have the safety, warmth, quiet, cleanliness and comfort of that. A mini-break from all the stress and reminder of it. However, they still refuse - possibly their hoarder mindset? Worrying about their stuff, what's happening to their stuff/will it get damaged/thrown away? That's the main reason I can think of behind why they won't move. 

Then - their ages (most vulnerable group) and, one of them especially, not being able to cope with the thought of moving out, even if only temporary. This is despite the horrible scent of smoke/toxins wafting through if they open the windows for 'fresh air', I can't stand more than a few hours of it, it has me coughing, so goodness knows what affect this is having on them.

Couple this with trying to stop the relative with problems (I think I will call them RWP for short!) from trying to go up into the rooms to 'salvage stuff' - which has been deemed a no-go area hazard by fire service, plus, the clean up crew (having to tape up door to prevent access) saying they will list and clear and clean wearing the appropriate PPE - so anything they removed won't get counted for compensation if they can't clean/repair it, and I am getting worn down by it.

Trying to endlessly reassure RWP about one set of things e.g. clothes, that they need to go for storage/cleaning and will return in an endless loop of conversations is exhausting. I think they wrongly focus on the phrase 'It is all going....' to mean it isn't coming back. I am having to carefully re-phrase it as stuff 'is being safely relocated for the purpose of cleaning/restoring, and will be exclusively labelled as yours with code number/name so it all comes back'. Try saying that a dozen times a day....

And then the next day, RWP will start again 'What about my shoes? I had a dozen pairs of X? What's happened to X?' even though in this case I have already explained that 11 pairs were destroyed in the fire with only one pair (smoke damaged) recognisable, and in this case, the RWP will receive compensation for them..... aaarrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Sorry to rant, the RWP is a lovely person, but their problems and anxiety are in complete over-drive, coupled with forgetting and then suddenly 'remembering' about stuff. They frequently climb the stairs to find the door taped shut and only then remember no-one is supposed to enter. Sometimes remember at the foot of the stairs. I can't get my head round the fact that the stench of smoke doesn't register with them before you get anywhere near the stairs..... and breathe (or should that be cough?).....

Irenadler

@ Babs - I am going to tell them that today, thank you. I hadn't thought of that angle before. And in fact it would be true - as any trades would have to limit turning off heat/power/light whilst they were there, prolonging the amount of time it would take to do repairs. Whereas if everything was turned off, trades would have doors wide open for access so it wouldn't matter about heat loss, and could get in and out fast.... hmmmmmmm

MovingForwards

Can you pin notes to various doors, saying don't go to X room as it's fire damaged.
A lot of things are fire damaged, what's left is being cleaned then returned.
And anything else that you have to keep repeating?

I would have told them they are moving out after the first few days and said they cannot stay in the property. You're doing well not to lose the plot!

There's no way builders and trades people will be working round a load of things, it will get emptied out.

As RWP is in the house, they probably can't smell it, if you can get them out for a few hours, have them bath / shower at yours with clean fresh clothes, when they return, it's possible they may realise just how bad it is.

doingitanyway

Wow. You are coping with so much right now.

It is difficult when you have to keep repeating yourself and also thinking about the effect your words might have. It must be like walking on eggshells.

I hope you find a way to have some reprieve even if it is only a hot bath at the end of the day.

Take care.

savingwannabe

Omg Ren this is so much. Something similar happened to my friend's mum luckily the house was redecorated but she had to go into a home temporarily whilst it happened so she didnt breathe smoke in or fall again. 

Skint_yet_Again

Hope you can talk them into leaving Ren it sounds exhausting. Take care of yourself it sounds like you need a break 

Irenadler

Aw, thanks everyone.  Much appreciated. I know what I am feeling is nothing in comparison to what they are going through.

Positive news: extent of damage isn't as bad as we feared. It may involve replacement of some flooring, joists unaffected either in roof or floor, so might not need plasterboard replacing after clean-up. Also one window replacing and it's blind. So possibly not as disruptive as we thought. Although definitely the electrics need checking and probably replacing (melted light fittings, etc). So this might not need long periods of power/heat outage. This is thanks mainly to the fantastic work of the Fire Service team who got there incredibly quickly. BIG SHOUT OUT OF THANKS TO THE LOVELY FIRE CREW! AND ALL OF YOU ON THE FRONT LINE!  

Negative news: vast majority of contents either destroyed by fire directly, or indirectly, water damaged, and smoke damaged. This is definitely affecting the RWP mental well-being with anxiety, repetitive questions about stuff, frequent forays into the upstairs to 'salvage' etc. I have given up saying they shouldn't even go up there. Yet again the clean up supervisor has taped up the room, let's see how long this lasts.....

Big fat zero on convincing them to move out. Exacerbated by them seeing Covid-19 quarantines being ferried to hotels, or, as over-flows for convalescents. Between a rock and a hard place....    Maybe the stress they feel about re-locating and possibly being at increased risk of infection has to be weighed up against the stress of disruption at home... So, I am giving up that battle at present as there are still weeks of removal of stuff and clean-up before re-assessment of damage and repairs. Maybe once ripping out and repairs starts the realisation of what they are having to live with will kick in, but, not holding my breath on that one.

Pun not intended! On money saving side, I am veering between spending nothing at all, or, over-spending/over-eating. Or just not being able to eat/sleep. Net result - I have lost a couple of pounds in weight, but, definitely not recommended to do it this way.... 

No gains on surveys as I can't focus. Thank God I automated savings to go out monthly so there must be some more in the pot (need to check). 

Dog is still plodding on, with the help of pain-killers, bless her. Still doggedly going out (pun intended) although I never know at what point she will turn about-face every day to come home. Varies between 15-35 minutes. I am hoping when the warmer weather arrives she will feel less pain and get further. I get on the exercise bike thing when I remember or I am not too tired. Not even used the resistance bands yet. Really need to get some sort of a routine back.... 

MovingForwards

How about sticking a lock on the out of bounds door, then put a note on the door. Won't stop RWP going up, but at least they won't get in.

Fabulous news things are not as bad as initially thought with the house. Rewiring doesn't take long, in normal circumstances and in theory some will stay in place as they are on different circuits.

Maybe doggy is actually being quite clever. She knows you're exhausted and is turning round so you can go home and rest 😉

When the house has been redone, then you can get a routine going again. For now, it's just about you getting through each day and reducing stress levels.

Irenadler

Thanks Babs.
Supervisor also said put a 'Do not enter' sign up, a lock might be the only way forward, need to ask other relative on this.
It is a relief to know the whole upstairs isn't devastated - the roof is still water-tight which is unbelievable when you see the melted bulb sockets and black soot. 

Ha - yes, the dog probably has more sense than me....

Yeah - it feels more like chaotic existence at the moment. Total 'Groundhog Day' every day. Really struggling to not say 'Remember I did say that.......xxxxx', when they don't remember.

Unfortunately, with lock-down & poor weather it's not like they can escape the situation, else I would take them out for some of the day as a distraction to the endless questions/anxiety. I am also housing some of their stuff, because of all the stuff they've already salvaged/moved and are refusing to let cleaners take when they can't move for stuff.... trying to drop little thoughts of going through their stuff and trying on the incredible amount of clothes for what doesn't fit/can be donated/gifted - they have enough for several lifetimes. Erm. This isn't working. 

In money saving news, savings have gone out, wondering if I have dropped a clanger since I have only about £90 left in the current account, as no income for January. Oops.... I need to get brain in gear to make sure there's enough to cover bills. Managed to not over-spend on food yesterday, stuck to list and vague meal plan, although tempted by some yellow stickers...

Hope everyone is keeping their chin up and still on the saving's wagon!