Sh*t creek - is now in my rear view mirror...!

Skint_yet_Again

Maybe you could gift some if your time & cleaning skills? I would love someone to come & clean my windows / floors/ Oven or hoover etc 😊 Or maybe dog walking or babysitting if your family have dogs / kids & you feel able. 

Irenadler

MovingForwards said:

How many people would you normally buy for at Christmas? And are they all adults?
Do you have many T3sc0 points?

Hey Babs
Now, 8 adults, used to be 12... So many 'babies' though now, 9 at the last count under 12's, they are great-nephews and great-nieces! That's not counting the older teens... Gah! There must be rabbits in the bloodline....

Irenadler

Skint_yet_Again said:

Maybe you could gift some if your time & cleaning skills? I would love someone to come & clean my windows / floors/ Oven or hoover etc 😊 Or maybe dog walking or babysitting if your family have dogs / kids & you feel able. 

Hey Skinty,
I like that, I can ask around to find out the least favourite chore, I know some of them! I am definitely going to ask the adults for the 'no presents for adults' this year, as some of them are struggling, I am hoping it will be a relief and take the pressure off all of us. 

Irenadler

@ Babs
I still haven't checked, but, I always used to leave the Mr T's points to use for Xmas. There has got to be something to use up after all this time.... 

MovingForwards

I'm thinking more along the lines of a token family gift, a box of chocolates per family. I think roses etc are currently on special offer or no gift just time spent doing things together like a tea party but with sandwiches and a homemade cake kind of thing.

Onebrokelady

Hi, I have been reading and lurking on your diary since the beginning and just wanted to say how amazingly well I think you have done. I found budgeting and saving Christmas and birthdays one other best ways to keep me on track, it was always Christmas that made me get the credit cards out because I felt guilty not spending much money. I told my daughters that I had a set budget now and that was how it was going to be from now on,they were fine about it, I also spend more on birthdays than Christmas because birthdays are spread out so you don't have to fork out for other people at the same time whereas at Christmas you are buying for more people 

Irenadler

MovingForwards said:

I'm thinking more along the lines of a token family gift, a box of chocolates per family. I think roses etc are currently on special offer or no gift just time spent doing things together like a tea party but with sandwiches and a homemade cake kind of thing.

Hey Babs
Yes, I think that would be better, as I was spending about £20 per person on average (judging from last year's bank statement - ouch!), and a bit more on immediate family members, plus all that food/alcohol! The relatives initial idea of a budget of £15/person or, 'just' £15/child under 12 has been out-voted as unfortunately more of them have had job losses, with another one coming up soon....

Although sad and worrying for all of us, (and yes I have discreetly hinted that MSE is such a useful site with lots of financial help!), it is helping them to review their priorities too. As in, its better to keep a secure roof over their heads & be fed, for their family, rather than over-spend at Xmas on stuff where the kids would sooner play with the cardboard boxes!

Kind of helps them see my perspective better, thankfully, as I was starting to feel my attitude to it was being regarded as party pooper/Mrs Scrooge. A little something per household still gives the little ones that excited feeling of all those mysterious parcels wrapped up under the tree that Santa and his helpers have left.... (I still haven't properly used the 'C' word yet!)

Irenadler

Onebrokelady said:

Hi, I have been reading and lurking on your diary since the beginning and just wanted to say how amazingly well I think you have done. I found budgeting and saving Christmas and birthdays one other best ways to keep me on track, it was always Christmas that made me get the credit cards out because I felt guilty not spending much money. I told my daughters that I had a set budget now and that was how it was going to be from now on,they were fine about it, I also spend more on birthdays than Christmas because birthdays are spread out so you don't have to fork out for other people at the same time whereas at Christmas you are buying for more people 

Hello Onebrokelady! 
Thank you for dropping in, that's very kind of you, yes, it's definitely the one-off things that I need to get my head round.

Guilt factor does motivate me - especially as the 'kids' are used to being spoiled, especially at Xmas, and I don't want to disappoint anyone. However, as the thread title suggests, I am not currently able to do what I did (if I could actually really afford it properly anyway in the past?) because I have a very tiny safety net in the EF. It really would not take much to push me into the red...

I have to balance people's expectations of me, against the fact I can't afford to be as generous, and I have already told a lot of the relatives that I am skint. I already had one niece text to ask if I am o.k., as I didn't send the usual cash with her birthday card, and just simply told her the truth in my reply. I am alright, just very strapped for cash, bless her.... Don't want her worrying or  sending me anything!

Got to get my budget head around monthly and one-off's! I like the idea that birthdays can be more treat days, I just have to save up first, as family are spread all around the country....

MovingForwards

I'm sorry to hear about the job losses, but hopefully they will find something soon.
Perhaps this will be the shift some people need to see there is more to "Winterville" than loads of presents and that time with friends and family, helping each other, is the way forward.

For those families not close, see if you can get some £5 supermarket vouchers, slip it into the card and say buy your chocolate with it, those who are close you can hand a tub over. Maybe start slipping a tub in when you do your shopping so you don't notice the couple of quid. Only buy token gifts if you can afford it, if you can't they will understand.

Irenadler

Thanks Babs
I think it is a scary time for a lot of people out there, not just immediate family, hopefully they will come across a lot of help on here and all the rest of the MSE site too. There has got to be jobs out there, even seasonal ones do crop up, and all those extra ways to add income...

Quality time with family is so good, and has been so much missed with lock down, I think we are all appreciating it more when we do see each other, we don't know when/if that may suddenly be restricted again. 

I think chocolates (or something to get chocolates with) is going to be my plan. Who doesn't like a load of bit of chocolate at that certain unmentionable time of the year? 

I keep seeing that I have a bit in the E.F., and thinking, well, I can 'afford' it as there is something spare there. But then I keep thinking that this is the only financial cushion I have unless I start selling the telly/furniture/a kidney... So, the affordability issue is
something I am grappling with. It's hard not to see what I have scraped together as unspendable, if that makes sense? Urgh, now I know how I got in this mess in the first place....