In-Laws eh, who'd have 'em?

burner03

Primrose said:

They say fami,iarity breeds contempt's so you  need to nip  this habit in  bud now and regain control, of your hiusehold boundaries. 

Just ring them up and say, "Look, we feel u co fir table having to say this to you but we can,t cope with your late night stays when we have to go to work on a Thursday so from now on it,s 10 pm departure and can we p,ease ask you to Police  yourselves

And by the way, we,re instituting a new domestic discipline of no phones during social visits because it,s driving us crazy.  So hopefully you're a ok with this".

then if yiur father in law gets his ohone out, bring him a jig of water and tell him to out his ohone away or out the ohone in the jug.   He,ll look at yiur i. Disbelief but yiu need to act together on this one and make them understand they have to respect the big daries of yiur household.   

If they won't respec them, if they turn up before yiu return home from work just  politely say Sorry, not tonight.  We meant what we said abiut respecting boundaries. We'll see yiu next week.  Your OH needs to Put his Big Boys Trowsers on and start getting his parents to respect yiur biu daries.  I guarantee if You do it firmly once they'll probably get the message !  

The dangers of drunk foruming! 

welshbabe88

Maybe now is the time to set new boundaries - after the rbeak with the lockdown.
Ask then round for a specific time - say 7pm when a take away comes (you could always say working later etc as catch up).
Then you can have you meal, a quick chat - and get them to leave at 10 - say its been great, you're tired after being back ast work - and maybe do it weekly as a sort of consolation (if they turned up at 7 and not before!) - that way you'll get to know you can contain the visits.  You both have to lead in this case as its obvious they won't.  3am is ludicrous - I know with my sons and their partners I'm always very quick to leave and never overstay my welcome.

Sea_Shell

Or you could use the Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced Bouquet) method of removal.   

Just hand them their coat/jacket/bag, take them by the arm and politely but firmly manhandle them out the door!!!  

mason's_mum

I have a table lamp on a timer - it goes off at 10.30. My OH and I often joke that "it's bedtime" when it goes off and we're in the middle of a film or still watching the evening news as if we don't have any other lights on it plunges the room into darkness!
Might be a good hint that it's bedtime and time for them to go!

Paperback_Writer

What a situation! Unfortunately, I always think the best time to stop this sort of thing is before it becomes a habit and I say that as one who suffers because of something that should have been nipped in the bud but wasn't, leaving me feel locked into it. For what it's worth, if you or your OH can do it, then I think the only answer is to have the awkward conversation and live with it, although be prepared to have to repeat the conversation a few times. Good luck.

splishsplash

What were bedtimes like when you stayed with the in-laws every weekend while your OH lived with them? How many weekends did you stay?  Are we talking a couple of months or a year or more? Are they continuing what was the norm then, do you think?

I don't know if there is a way to cut back on the bedtime element but I think you could insist on changing the visit to Fridays instead.  At least that way you can catch up on your sleep over the weekend.

It really is a tough one.  Yes, you can 'lay down the law' but I don't see how you can do that without causing offence.  No matter who says the actual words, I bet there will be no doubt in anyone's mind that you are the instigator.

Yup; In-laws, eh, who'd have 'em?!

olgadapolga

Whilst I understand about not wanting to cause a possible rift and upset people, would it not be better to just tell them that you don't want them to visit for such a prolonged period? You are allowed to tell people when they do something that you don't like/don't want to happen. They may be upset for a bit but they'll get over it.

Although, you never know, they might be under the impression that you WANT them to stay until the early hours of the morning and they won't say anything as they are worried about upsetting you? 

Personally, I find it's better to be direct about these issues than to skirt around them. Skirting around things just leads to frustration and resentment.

SeaVixen

mason's_mum said:

I have a table lamp on a timer - it goes off at 10.30. My OH and I often joke that "it's bedtime" when it goes off and we're in the middle of a film or still watching the evening news as if we don't have any other lights on it plunges the room into darkness!
Might be a good hint that it's bedtime and time for them to go!

We literally do this - at 11pm all the lights go out except one, and we loudly say it's time for bed. They still need to be told to leave after this though.
When it's just OH and I, we quote Neil from the Young Ones talking about the white dot that used to appear on TVs at night: "It's time for bed, no more telly...") 

@splishsplash I stayed with them every Saturday night for about 3 years. It's part of the reason we have such a close relationship, but also a major factor in not wanting to upset them and give the impression that I'm ungrateful for all the time they let me spend at theirs.
Bedtimes then would vary between 10pm and midnight, but often OH and I would go to bed before the in-laws. We would have been working our 8-5 Saturday jobs, but FIL's shift would see him arrive home at 9pm and stay up till about 3am. MIL would usually stay up with FIL. So I think a core problem here is that they really do operate on a different time scale to us. 

Thank you for the empathy and encouragement all! 

rtho782

I mean I'd probably just go "Night then!" and go off to bed myself and leave them downstairs lol