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In-Laws eh, who'd have 'em?

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  • Primrose
    Primrose Posts: 10,701 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper I've been Money Tipped!
    They say fami,iarity breeds contempt's so you  need to nip  this habit in  bud now and regain control, of your hiusehold boundaries. 
    Just ring them up and say, "Look, we feel u co fir table having to say this to you but we can,t cope with your late night stays when we have to go to work on a Thursday so from now on it,s 10 pm departure and can we p,ease ask you to Police  yourselves
    And by the way, we,re instituting a new domestic discipline of no phones during social visits because it,s driving us crazy.  So hopefully you're a ok with this".

    then if yiur father in law gets his ohone out, bring him a jig of water and tell him to out his ohone away or out the ohone in the jug.   He,ll look at yiur i. Disbelief but yiu need to act together on this one and make them understand they have to respect the big daries of yiur household.   
    If they won't respec them, if they turn up before yiu return home from work just  politely say Sorry, not tonight.  We meant what we said abiut respecting boundaries. We'll see yiu next week.  Your OH needs to Put his Big Boys Trowsers on and start getting his parents to respect yiur biu daries.  I guarantee if You do it firmly once they'll probably get the message !  
  • I would make it a once a month visit on a day when there was no work. What about a sunday lunch at yours. If you change the day and time it would disrupt this every week mentality.
    I do know what it is like as I had a parent who came every weekend sat and sun morning early and stayed all morning. When my sibling told them that it was not fair on us to come so early as we had babies. They pushed the time from 8.30 - 9.00. This went on for all of our married life untill they were unable to physically get to us. The relief was unbelievable and now that I am older and wiser  I would have nipped it in the bud. With work all week and this going on at weekend we have never had a lie in and even now that we can we still wake early.
  • 74jax
    74jax Posts: 7,930 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    edited 28 June 2020 at 9:53AM
    SeaVixen said:
    Are the rest of the family spiteful idiots?  Do you really think they believe you should let your in-laws stay till past midnight on a work night? 
    If so, sod them, who cares what spiteful idiots think?
    More likely you're worrying about something that would never happen. 
    I'm sure the actual timings would be omitted from the story if they were to tell anyone. 

    I can see SIL in particular deciding that this was all my idea because I don't want my in-laws in my big posh house or some such nonsense. I can see her really enjoying us asking the InLaws to spend less time with us, 
    But isn't that what you want, what this thread is about?
    I'm with Onwards&upwards here, who cares what others think.
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
  • SeaVixen
    SeaVixen Posts: 221 Forumite
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Posts Name Dropper
    I would make it a once a month visit on a day when there was no work. What about a sunday lunch at yours. If you change the day and time it would disrupt this every week mentality.
    I do know what it is like as I had a parent who came every weekend sat and sun morning early and stayed all morning. When my sibling told them that it was not fair on us to come so early as we had babies. They pushed the time from 8.30 - 9.00. This went on for all of our married life untill they were unable to physically get to us. The relief was unbelievable and now that I am older and wiser  I would have nipped it in the bud. With work all week and this going on at weekend we have never had a lie in and even now that we can we still wake early.
    Wow, that is quite inconsiderate! That must have been a right pain! Did they help out with the kids at all, or were they just there to socialise? 

    Making it monthly is something that we haven't considered actually - thank you. 

    FIL's shift work means he usually works weekends.  When writing this, my first thought was that asking them over on a weekend would be a solid no  -  we like to keep weekends free for DIY (we're doing up our first home. FIL not that keen on helping out), seeing friends from further afield, and generally recovering from the week (OH has depression and anxiety). However, if FILs work pattern would mean they could come over one weekend a month, then this might be a worthy trade-off. I'll raise it with OH.
  • SeaVixen
    SeaVixen Posts: 221 Forumite
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Posts Name Dropper
    74jax said:
    SeaVixen said:

    I can see SIL in particular deciding that this was all my idea because I don't want my in-laws in my big posh house or some such nonsense. I can see her really enjoying us asking the InLaws to spend less time with us, 
    But isn't that what you want, what this thread is about?
    I'm with Onwards&upwards here, who cares what others think.
    That's not what this thread is about at all....
    I'm perfectly happy for them to come over. I'd just like them to leave at a reasonable hour?
  • SeaVixen said:
    I would make it a once a month visit on a day when there was no work. What about a sunday lunch at yours. If you change the day and time it would disrupt this every week mentality.
    I do know what it is like as I had a parent who came every weekend sat and sun morning early and stayed all morning. When my sibling told them that it was not fair on us to come so early as we had babies. They pushed the time from 8.30 - 9.00. This went on for all of our married life untill they were unable to physically get to us. The relief was unbelievable and now that I am older and wiser  I would have nipped it in the bud. With work all week and this going on at weekend we have never had a lie in and even now that we can we still wake early.
    Wow, that is quite inconsiderate! That must have been a right pain! Did they help out with the kids at all, or were they just there to socialise? 

    Making it monthly is something that we haven't considered actually - thank you. 

    FIL's shift work means he usually works weekends.  When writing this, my first thought was that asking them over on a weekend would be a solid no  -  we like to keep weekends free for DIY (we're doing up our first home. FIL not that keen on helping out), seeing friends from further afield, and generally recovering from the week (OH has depression and anxiety). However, if FILs work pattern would mean they could come over one weekend a month, then this might be a worthy trade-off. I'll raise it with OH.
    No no help with children, I wont go into what else I did for them on a regular basis. It was exhausting. I have other friends who do the same.
  • Primrose
    Primrose Posts: 10,701 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper I've been Money Tipped!
    I suppose this is a lesson to us all really that when it comes to dealing with family or friends it's a lot easier to recognise inconvenient behaviours  very early on  when it,s a lot easier to tactfully nip them in the bud before they become an engrained habit when it creates all kinds of awkwardness and discomfort to deal with.

    It,s always easier if it's the individual whose parents or friend is causing the issue who takes the initiative but you have to be firm minded and act as a combined unit so that one partner isn,t forced to appear as if they,re causing trouble to trying to drive a wedge in a relationship. . 
  • SeaVixen
    SeaVixen Posts: 221 Forumite
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Posts Name Dropper
    Primrose said:
    I suppose this is a lesson to us all really that when it comes to dealing with family or friends it's a lot easier to recognise inconvenient behaviours  very early on  when it,s a lot easier to tactfully nip them in the bud before they become an engrained habit when it creates all kinds of awkwardness and discomfort to deal with.

    It,s always easier if it's the individual whose parents or friend is causing the issue who takes the initiative but you have to be firm minded and act as a combined unit so that one partner isn,t forced to appear as if they,re causing trouble to trying to drive a wedge in a relationship. . 
    Very true, on both counts. 

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