In-Laws eh, who'd have 'em?

swingaloo

Change the night, say you get a 2 for 1 cinema ticket for Wednesdays, join a club, anything. It doesn't have to be permanent, just till they get out of the Wednesday habit. If they have to start coming on a night when your FIL has work next day they may get the message. Your MIL will still get her night at yours.

SeaVixen

swingaloo said:

Change the night, say you get a 2 for 1 cinema ticket for Wednesdays, join a club, anything. It doesn't have to be permanent, just till they get out of the Wednesday habit. If they have to start coming on a night when your FIL has work next day they may get the message. Your MIL will still get her night at yours.

Thanks swingaloo - this might be the way forward! 

Previously when we've been busy on the Wednesday, they just wouldn't come at all, and waited till the next week, rather than come on a different day. FIL works shifts, and occasionally works nights which might account for this. As you say, if Wednesdays are suddenly not an option at all then it might force them to pick a different day. 

Mojisola

SeaVixen said:

Believe it or not - we've said exactly this several times. It was them clearly ignoring this that gave us the go-ahead to start actively telling them to leave.
It was only the last visit that the penny dropped that FIL will wait for MIL's instruction to drive them home. FIL is staring at his phone all the time, so can see what time it is. We've decided that when we're back in the house, we'll make sure to leave the TV on the chromecast screensaver, which has a clock on it. So MIL can at least see what time it is. 

I think I'd go further and set an alarm at whatever time you want them to leave.  Tell them when they arrive that you need to get to bed by Xpm and have set a reminder at Ypm.

Does your MIL get out to any groups - most areas have AgeUK and similar organisations who run social groups or meal clubs.  If she had other things happening in the week, she may be happier with shorter visits to you - as well as have more to talk about with you when she does visit.

maman

If they're so comfortable in your home then why don't you just work around them. Have your meal, sit for a short while and then get up and start getting on with things. Get on with washing or ironing or cleaning or prepping for work next day. It's still an inconvenience  but at least you wouldn't be just sitting there trying to make conversation. 

If you've spoken to your MIL before about FIL's phone behaviour (so able to have that sort of conversation) why haven't you explained that you can't cope with a late night mid week?

Incidentally, why does MIL get out so rarely? Perhaps if she had more to occupy her she wouldn't be so dependent on you.

Sea_Shell

Some people!!!!  They just have no filter do they?    

If that were me, I'd agree with the action of "well we'd better get on, busy day tomorrow" and then just start doing your own thing, not engaging in further conversation, and then literally getting ready for bed!!!!

Alternatively, i'd lock all the doors, close the blinds, switch phones off, and pretend we weren't in

*edit* I've just read that they are sometimes on the doorstep waiting when you get home from work!!!  That is SO not on!!!

Silvertabby

Sea_Shell said:

Some people!!!!  They just have no filter do they?    

If that were me, I'd agree with the action of "well we'd better get on, busy day tomorrow" and then just start doing your own thing, not engaging in further conversation, and then literally getting ready for bed!!!!

Alternatively, i'd lock all the doors, close the blinds, switch phones off, and pretend we weren't in

*edit* I've just read that they are sometimes on the doorstep waiting when you get home from work!!!  That is SO not on!!!

Be glad they seem content to wait on the doorstep ! 

When we moved into our house, Mr S's stepmum and dad (who thankfully lived 150 miles away) demanded that we send them a key, so they could let themselves in if/when they arrived for a visit (holiday) and we were out.

No, they never did get a key.

wilfred30

I feel sorry for your husband having such ignorant parents

oystercatcher

Is there any chance MiL thinks it would be rude to go early and thinks you expect her to stay all evening?  Either way I would start harping on about being tired , needing an early night and saying how much better you felt getting to bed early etc etc and how you want to start a new routine of going to bed early ! Then start putting stuff away and joke about kicking them out until they get the hint. 

theoretica

Appealing to their social sense doesn't seem to be working so I see two options - treat them as guests and tell them it is lovely to see them, but you want them to leave at 10 every time.  I would tell them when they aren't actually there - on the phone not during a visit.  And then stick to it, stand up, Oh I see its ten, it has been lovely seeing you and boot them firmly out.

Or treat them as family and just go to bed leaving them in the living room to let themselves out.

Fireflyaway

It's really nice that they enjoy your company and you get along. I can understand the frustration though. I'm someone who needs a lot of sleep. Usually I'm in bed by 10pm. I used to have a friend who would come found and have no concept of what was an appropriate time to leave. Hints didn't work. I'd literally have to say " I'm sorry but I'm really tired and have work tomorrow, I'm going to have to go to bed". 
Could you invite them first if you think they are going to come anyway? That way you could say "come round at 6:30pm" and hopefully they will come at that time and not before! Your suggestion of 'training them' is probably what I'd do as well! I'd ask your partner to do it though so they don't see it as interfering. I don't think it's unreasonable especially if you have work. Could you try playing a game all together after food? That would get dad off the phone and mean you can interact without having to struggle to find conversation topics.