In-Laws eh, who'd have 'em?

Savvy_Sue

there is a thing called 'social prescribing': if it's happening in your MIL's area, then it could mean that someone would come to the house and get to know her a bit, then go with her to an activity or two, talk about how that went, and gradually build up to either MIL being able to go alone, or be picked up to go to the group. If you think she'd LIKE to go out, then it would be worth finding out if her GP surgery is offering this. 

gwynlas

Is there anywhere that you think your MIL would like to visit NT gardens for example? Then arrange for FIL to drive you there so you could all spend time together away from the house. It might be that you could rope in some of your OHs siblings and travel with them so FIL is not dropping you off at home.

SeaVixen

Must say that I'm really heartened by those of you which are trying to solve the issue of MIL's isolation. All that input is very much appreciated. Their staying late was happening when MIL still saw lots of people and went out a decent amount, so this wasn't necessarily the driving force of their behaviour, but it is still something that is very much present now and will make the pattern hard to break if not dealt with.



@gwynlas Yes, we've done day trips before, particularly when I've got a car so can drive me and OH. There aren't many things like that open after 6pm on a weekday around near us though.

@maman We have had that conversation with them, they just seem to conveniently forget whenever they're actually here! That was what gave us the go ahead to start kicking them out. It's just tiresome to have to do it every time. 

@warby68 I've done exactly that before now. My comment two above yours explains what happened one time... Every other time, they've taken it as me asking them to leave, despite me being clear that they could stay and chat to OH. I don't know if they think that me going to bed with guests in the house is rude, or if they just realised what time it was. Their comments on all occasions could be read either way, but given how begrudgingly they left I'm presuming the former. 
I think it's rude to not have the sense to leave at a sensible time, so them thinking me rude wouldn't bother me. However, OH and I have agreed that it should be him who delivers the instructions to leave. 

@onwards&upwards  You're right, it's not rocket science. That's what we'll be doing from now on, but it would nice to not have to do this every single time, as it's not something OH is comfortable with doing. I agree that it's an awkward thing to have to do, no matter how close you are. 
Incidentally, OH has asked them to leave earlier, and they've responded akin to "but it's only 10:30... we know you stay up later than this..." before begrudgingly leaving. Which is why he's ended up waiting until it's objectively late before kicking them out. As I said in my initial post, we're hoping to consistently kick them out at a time to train them to leave by then.  

JGB1955

SeaVixen said:

Must say that I'm really heartened by those of you which are trying to solve the issue of MIL's isolation. All that input is very much appreciated. Their staying late was happening when MIL still saw lots of people and went out a decent amount, so this wasn't necessarily the driving force of their behaviour, but it is still something that is very much present now and will make the pattern hard to break if not dealt with.



@gwynlas Yes, we've done day trips before, particularly when I've got a car so can drive me and OH. There aren't many things like that open after 6pm on a weekday around near us though.
 "but it's only 10:30... we know you stay up later than this..."

but... that's only because you carry on hosting them beyond that time.  Say something like 'we used to, but not now'.  Learn to say - Bedtime now.. good night' and repeat and repeat and...

SeaVixen

@JGB1955 said:

but... that's only because you carry on hosting them beyond that time.  Say something like 'we used to, but not now'.  Learn to say - Bedtime now.. good night' and repeat and repeat and...

That's exactly what I've said we'll do. It'll be tiresome doing it every time, but hopefully they'll become trained to leave at a more sensible time eventually! 

MovingForwards

Set your phone alarm for a time you want, when it goes off just say that's it for us, got to go to bed, great to see you.

suejb2

My sister has a direct approach “Thanks  for coming, I’m off to bed, goodnight” 
 Your house your rules, I agree,  as the in-law leave it to your  OH but he does need to stop faffing around

Slinky

The more you do it, the easier it will get.

hb2

Get the 'rules' in place before things return to 'normal', there will never be an easier time  . . .

Drawingaline

Honestly I would see any time after about 8pm on a work night as too late! Especially as they are arriving early for tea. Weekends are different, but if I was being forced to stay up until way past my natural bedtime on a work night I would be fuming. You are nicer than me 😂 

You both need to decide the right time and mention it when they arrive. 'i haves big day at work tomorrow and need my rest, so will be going up at ????. This means we need you to be ready to leave no later than ????. '