Money Moral Dilemma: Should I share my lockdown savings with my partner?

Edina_Typhoon

To my mind, a partnership is about love, trust and sharing.  Not  "This is mine  and this is yours ".  If your partner won the lottery, would you like her to share her win with you?  I bet you would.  

John_Gray

Have you thought of getting a divorce?  Because in that instance your 'moral dilemma' would no longer apply.

(There may be other associated problems with that course of action, but you can always 'ask again'...)

Superkeisha

Hi,
I’ve read lots of the other posts and it has me wondering whether this is really a moral dilemma or one of values.
I can completely understand why it is difficult to part with hard earned money, even to your partner, especially when there might be perceived inequalities like privileges in the relationship (her ability to work from home or the amount of take home earnings etc.).
But it sort of sounds like she sees things differently to you and perhaps she sees each of your contributions, and the gains and losses in your financial lives as shared and equal (If one person gains you both gain etc.).
I am not sure if you will get a clear answer of what to do in this forum and from what I can tell it seems that there are equal numbers of people on either side of the argument. For what it is worth I don’t think either of you are wrong but that perhaps you’ve just got a new situation which doesn’t fit your previous model. As other forumites have pointed out, if you and your partner stay together you will likely have hundreds of times when one or both of you have changes to your financial situation and will meet the same questions.
So perhaps it is better to really think about whether you are a couple who share the ups and downs equally or if you are both more comfortable, for the moment at least, managing the basic stuff together and keeping the rest for yourselves. 
Good luck!

Sammylammy

In our house we have separate accounts and although neither of us are currently working we split Bill's and expenses 50 50. I earn 25k and my partner earns over 100k when we are working. If I want something expensive I have to earn more or save, I wouldn't dream of asking him to subsidise me, so no keep the money, she can get a different job if she wants more money. 

sianawest

I don’t think you should psychically transfer them some extra money. But maybe you could pay a little extra on the bills or weekly shops? That’s what we do as a couple. But honestly it’s your money!

sianawest

sianawest said:

I don’t think you should psychically transfer them some extra money. But maybe you could pay a little extra on the bills or weekly shops? That’s what we do as a couple. But honestly it’s your money!

Physically!!**

annieshb

Think if this is an issue then there are bigger issues in your relationship.
time to evaluate what is important in your life I think.

REJP

my dilemma is whether to respond to this question.
does not seem a healthy relationship when a partner wants a share of what the other is saving on commutes.  It is reasonable to contribute towards extra costs of tea, coffee and cooking meals which would normally be paid for out of salary when out at work.  I suspect the electricity bill will be higher because you are working from home, also if you are on a water meter cost will go up due to flushing toilet etc.
I am left wondering if this is a healthy relationship when a "partner" deems it is right to share in a short term gain.  Does the "partner" contribute towards your commute costs when you are at work?
Thought not.

Desigirl38

Your money, do what you want and do not get taken in by emotional blackmail or guilt.

Cruixer

None of the opinions on this thread really count for much, other than the ones that say make up your own mind, because they don't know the whole situation. Nevertheless, I will not proceed to give my own opinion.

In a traditional relationship this sort of thing doesn't really come up, because those people have shared bank accounts, savings and investments. This works as long as its long term and each one is considerate of the other in terms of not spending huge amounts on themselves, or getting too hung up on whether both partners are getting the same amount or not.  Often when there are kids there isn't that much money to be spent on much else so the issue doesn't come up.

In a modern relationship, maybe one where its not clear yet whether it will turn into a lifetime partnership, you have to make up your own rules because there is no one size fits all, so the right answer to this is whichever answer you both agree on, and if you can't agree well...