How should this work? Finances in marriage = fairness.

Sea_Shell

We've been married 25+ years, and we have always had the "one main pot - joint account" method.

However, that "one pot" joint account is now only really used for bills.    We've had numerous accounts in both our names over the years, making use of Regular Saver/ switching offers etc.     Spends get put on CC and settled out of the joint account.

Our other cash and investments have been split between us, so we are able to fill our ISAs and Pensions, in the most efficient way we can to minimise future tax, and to give us more equality in retirement.

We both had periods of "time out" from work (before finishing for good), so having a "my money's mine" approach just wouldn't have worked for us.

As my DH now moves towards officially drawing down his pension.   He'll have income of £XXXX per month, and I still have a big fat £0.

74jax

DontBringBertie said:

I'm surprised reading through that so many couples just lump their money in to one account and it's shared.

Been married for 4 years and we have a joint account for bills etc but other than that we have and spend our own money. Avoids any disagreements as we have very different interests.

So if one of you earns £20k a year and the other £100k, it's acceptable for the one on £20k to go and spunk £10k on a 2 week holiday to the Maldives with friends as it's "joint money"?!

I think it all depends on couples and what they are happy with.
As I said we have 1 joint for bills and that's it. 
I don't understand how with '1 pot' you surprise each other with gifts or suchlike but I guess it works.
My husband has always earned WAY more than me (around 6 times) and has savings that is nowhere near my savings amount. But he spends way more than me on an expensive hobby too.
Holidays he pays for, but I once went to Mexico for a wedding, he didn't want to go and it was mega expensive, he just paid for me.
I guess it's all separate but ultimately we're married so joint assets. 
I do joke I'd be better if it's we divorced....... 😂

Pollycat

74jax said:

I think it all depends on couples and what they are happy with.
As I said we have 1 joint for bills and that's it. 
I don't understand how with '1 pot' you surprise each other with gifts or suchlike but I guess it works.
My husband has always earned WAY more than me (around 6 times) and has savings that is nowhere near my savings amount. But he spends way more than me on an expensive hobby too.
Holidays he pays for, but I once went to Mexico for a wedding, he didn't want to go and it was mega expensive, he just paid for me.
I guess it's all separate but ultimately we're married so joint assets. 
I do joke I'd be better if it's we divorced....... 😂

When you've been together for a lot of years and have pretty much everything you want, surprise gifts aren't always necessary.

That's how we feel anyway.

And surprise gifts have never been our thing from Day 1.

I acknowledge that I would be very difficult to buy for and I really feel sorry for those people who spend time and money on buying a surprise gift for their partner that isn't appreciated.

Sea_Shell

Pollycat said:

74jax said:

I think it all depends on couples and what they are happy with.
As I said we have 1 joint for bills and that's it. 
I don't understand how with '1 pot' you surprise each other with gifts or suchlike but I guess it works.
My husband has always earned WAY more than me (around 6 times) and has savings that is nowhere near my savings amount. But he spends way more than me on an expensive hobby too.
Holidays he pays for, but I once went to Mexico for a wedding, he didn't want to go and it was mega expensive, he just paid for me.
I guess it's all separate but ultimately we're married so joint assets. 
I do joke I'd be better if it's we divorced....... 😂

When you've been together for a lot of years and have pretty much everything you want, surprise gifts aren't always necessary.

That's how we feel anyway.

And surprise gifts have never been our thing from Day 1.

Agree.   We've not bought gifts for each other for years.  We treat ourselves, as and when we fancy, not by the calendar.

74jax

Pollycat said:

74jax said:

I think it all depends on couples and what they are happy with.
As I said we have 1 joint for bills and that's it. 
I don't understand how with '1 pot' you surprise each other with gifts or suchlike but I guess it works.
My husband has always earned WAY more than me (around 6 times) and has savings that is nowhere near my savings amount. But he spends way more than me on an expensive hobby too.
Holidays he pays for, but I once went to Mexico for a wedding, he didn't want to go and it was mega expensive, he just paid for me.
I guess it's all separate but ultimately we're married so joint assets. 
I do joke I'd be better if it's we divorced....... 😂

When you've been together for a lot of years and have pretty much everything you want, surprise gifts aren't always necessary.

That's how we feel anyway.

And surprise gifts have never been our thing from Day 1.

I acknowledge that I would be very difficult to buy for and I really feel sorry for those people who spend time and money on buying a surprise gift for their partner that isn't appreciated.

We have been together for 15yrs, so not really long but a decent amount, but we still do.
We do more for birthdays than Christmas but I never have any idea what I'm getting - at all.
We also do surprises through the year at other times too, each other never knows.  The most recent this week when I came home to something from hubby that I had zero idea about. I guess separate accounts just work for us, but I honestly don't have adverse feelings towards those with joint. It's obviously working for them. 

74jax

Sea_Shell said:

Pollycat said:

74jax said:

I think it all depends on couples and what they are happy with.
As I said we have 1 joint for bills and that's it. 
I don't understand how with '1 pot' you surprise each other with gifts or suchlike but I guess it works.
My husband has always earned WAY more than me (around 6 times) and has savings that is nowhere near my savings amount. But he spends way more than me on an expensive hobby too.
Holidays he pays for, but I once went to Mexico for a wedding, he didn't want to go and it was mega expensive, he just paid for me.
I guess it's all separate but ultimately we're married so joint assets. 
I do joke I'd be better if it's we divorced....... 😂

When you've been together for a lot of years and have pretty much everything you want, surprise gifts aren't always necessary.

That's how we feel anyway.

And surprise gifts have never been our thing from Day 1.

Agree.   We've not bought gifts for each other for years.  We treat ourselves, as and when we fancy, not by the calendar.

Yeah ours tends to not be 'dictated' if that's the word 😂. I have to say he's much better at surprising me than I am him..... But he has always been that way, I don't know sometimes how he comes up with stuff 😂. I'll just walk in and he'll say 'I saw this and just knew you'd love it' and I do but have never seen it before too even know about it 😂

Abbafan1972

It's already been pointed out that the OP started this thread more than a year ago and hasn't logged in since 14/12/20.  Doesn't look likely she'll come back and reply. 

Happy_Sloth

74jax said:

I don't understand how with '1 pot' you surprise each other with gifts or suchlike but I guess it works.

We have 1 main pot but we do have out own accounts as well, we both get paid into our own accounts and then deposit into the main pot for the bills/house.  

We balance it so we both keep the same amount out of our earnings for our own spends in own accounts (Presently this is £150 pm) the rule is it doens't matter what we earn, we deposit all but £150 pm into the joint.  That way we both get the same personal money regardless of our individual earnings.  The amount changes depending on personal circumstances for example we struggled in the early stages of covid and the amount we both kept personally was £0. 

So gifts come out of the personal pot   if we want to keep it a secret.