How should this work? Finances in marriage = fairness.

beckysbobbles12

Thanks for the replies, already some great advice.
We have a joint account that we each put money into for food/socialising so I think the sensible thing would be to move the household bills to be paid from that account. That way it's clear what's coming out and we can agree the split.
It as hubby who said 50/50 but I thought being fair as I earn more money, I should pay more for the bills.
As I said if hubby does the maintenance of the house then of course that's the trade off for living here. That to me seem completely fair. It was his comment about him putting in time/effort without any benefit. That's where I tried to explain the benefit to him but he didn't quite get it.

theoretica

At present you each have a house, and each pay the mortgage on one house.  However, when you say you earn more than your husband are you taking into account the rent he gets from renting out his house?  That is income too.  His house is paying its own way now, while your house is paid from out of your wages so not equal in that way.

Comms69

beckysbobbles12 said:

Thanks for the replies, already some great advice.
We have a joint account that we each put money into for food/socialising so I think the sensible thing would be to move the household bills to be paid from that account. That way it's clear what's coming out and we can agree the split.
It as hubby who said 50/50 but I thought being fair as I earn more money, I should pay more for the bills.
As I said if hubby does the maintenance of the house then of course that's the trade off for living here. That to me seem completely fair. It was his comment about him putting in time/effort without any benefit. That's where I tried to explain the benefit to him but he didn't quite get it.

People see things differently - he's thinking that his hard work is benefiting you both. But ultimately you will see the financial benefit. And in some regards that could be seen as 'rent', ie payment in kind. But again that's just an observation - i think 50/50 on everything is sensible.

squirrelchops2

OP I wonder how things will work when baby is here too. Have you had a discussion about how his financial contribution will work then? I am only saying this as it seems that whilst you are on the subject of discussing money now may be a pertinent time to discuss this too. I would also hate to have to ask my partner for money for our child each week/month so getting something set up you agree on would seem a good idea.

Financial situations in couples are, as others have said so variable over time. I have gone from being a mature student with no money to being very well off in assets, similarly my partner has had earnings of nearly £100k at times to then giving up work to do up a property for the challenge of it. Some things are mine or his as well. His rental property was his before he met me, I wouldn't dream of calling it 'ours'. Similarly I own land and buildings, I inherited these, again these are 'mine' not his. Perhaps that's why we're not married lol.


NB: I am not new but I had to set up a new account!!

stormCat99

Surely if you're in a proper partnership, you would just have joint finances? Why don't you both just pay your incomings into a shared account, and then pay all outgoings from it? Far easier all round, I never quite understand the question of 'what is a fair split' in this type of situation.

Fireflyaway

Maybe one of the issues here is that you both seem to be securing your own interests. A bit like business partners. When your husband offers to do work on the house I wouldn't even think that it's a sort of payment in kind ( instead of rent). He is your husband, you both live there and will both benefit from his handywork. He doesn't 'owe' you because he gets to live in 'your' house.  Please don't think I'm preaching. As I mentioned before, my own marriage has its troubles! I can just see both of you keeping mental notes of who owns what, who paid for x and this could lead to either or both of you feeling a bit undermined. Has either of you been financially caught out in a previous relationship that's made you a bit cautious? I don't think there is a right or wrong way, it's whatever works for you but you need to discuss it and agree asap before the issue becomes bigger. 

beckysbobbles12

The reason why we don't have joint account for everything is the fact he has three children with his ex. I do not contribute to the childrens maintenance etc (and rightly so). 

Comms69

beckysbobbles12 said:

The reason why we don't have joint account for everything is the fact he has three children with his ex. I do not contribute to the childrens maintenance etc (and rightly so). 

Indeed, but why does a joint account matter?

Silvertabby

TonyMMM said:

JamoLew said:

maybe we and the missus are the exception - but all the money goes into one pot and out the same pot.
There is no mine and yours its ours

You're not the exception, same for us (for nearly 35 years)  - marriage is a partnership.- all income goes into joint accounts.
We do have separate savings & investment accounts but purely so we could use the full personal ISA limits (when savings actually used to earn some interest). 

Ditto (except for just 29 years for us - so we are newlyweds in comparison !)

missile

There is no right answer. Unfortunately, money is a common reason for marriage break ups. You really need to sort this out.