How should this work? Finances in marriage = fairness.

MovingForwards

No joint account here either.

I pay the expensive bills / insurances and save the bulk of the money due to working FT and picking up double what OH does. Plus I do light housework, DIY and gardening due to disabilities.

OH pays the cheaper bills and food due to working PT and NMW. Plus he does the strenuous housework, DIY and gardening. 

He also transfers some money to me for savings towards repairs, furnishings, anything added to my CC that he wanted for our benefit or just for himself. If he does OT, he transfers a bit more, or buys a more expensive take-away or we have some great cuts of meat.

We discussed money before I originally moved in with him, discussed it when we moved and then again before purchasing our home and since moving. When one changes jobs or roles, we discuss it and move bills around as required.

We do not lend each other money, we do not ask for money, we check we are ok for money as payday approaches. We have a 'float' at home, just in case and I top that up as necessary.

Our home and car are 'ours', although my OH isn't named on them, if we were to split I would 'buy him out'

A lot of questions about this subject matter are appearing on here.

'Money' comes under many different banners, it could be actual money or time or doing things and should always be discussed rather than diving in, hoping for the best, then having issues appear down the line when someone starts to feel resentful.

FreetodoasIlike

No joint account here either. My partner and I have been together for nearly 40 years. Both own the house and mortgage paid off several years ago. My partner has 3 adult children but we have made mirror wills to leave our assets to each other. If I die before him, his children will inherit. If he dies before me, they will still inherit, as I have left everything to them in my will. I don’t envisage ever meeting anyone or starting a new relationship if my partner died but IF I did, I would re-write my will to protect my partner’s children.

With regard to managing finances, which I think was the original question, my partner pays all the bills (apart from Council Tax)  as he’s better at this than I am i.e getting better deals for utilities/broadband etc.) I pay for all our food, household supplies and the majority of his clothes (apart from shoes). We purchase large ticket items jointly. We both have separate bank accounts and any money spare we spend as we like. I like clothes etc. and he likes gadgets. (each to our own). We never criticise what the other has purchased because if we can afford it, we buy it. My partner is 79 and I am 64. Recently retired, I used my lump sum to build an extension; he used his several years previously  for home improvements. Not keen on joint accounts at all. We have lived happily together for almost 40 years and it’s worked for us. However, it’s not one rule for everyone - couples need to communicate and find out what works best for THEM,

maman

burner01 said:

JamoLew said:

maybe we and the missus are the exception - but all the money goes into one pot and out the same pot.
There is no mine and yours its ours

This is the correct answer.

That's a sweeping generalisation. I know it still suits some people but for many it's not what we want. As people get together when they're older they're used to being financially independent and managing their own money so it seems odd to just stick everything into one pot.

Personally I've always earned a good salary and it's fairly similar to DH so we keep our own accounts, share the direct debits for utilities and do a quick calculation each month when the credit card (separate) bills come in what's our personal spending and what's household.

I think OP is right to raise the issues. Technically both homes and everything else are marital assets but how they were divided up, should they split, would depend on how long the marriage lasts. So, in the early days, if they split the husband could make a case that he'd enhanced the value of the property he'd worked on. Longer term it wouldn't make a huge difference.

I do understand that OP has taken on a man with  financial 'baggage'. Looking at it benevolently he could be trying to contribute with his work on the house because he's not doing much financially. But that's the current situation. I think OP needs to look at how the finances will stack up when this new baby is born and childcare is needed/career break taken. 

CreditCardJunkie

Recently went through the "fair finances" thing. We've always been 50/50 and it's worked for us. I had our first child last year and we had discussed that DH would be paying the mortgage whilst I was on stat maternity pay. I felt quite bitter as I had to give up my lease car while he was able to keep his. He did help me buy a run around to see me through my mat leave. after I had the baby and realised I was left with pretty much nothing after paying bills we had a chat and the best way for us was to have the same amount of "personal" money each to spend however you wish and everything else went into the pot.
Congratulations by the way!

maman

Thanks CCJ. That's a useful insight. I'd agree that if you jointly agree to have a child then, for a while, you have to come up with a financial solution while income is changed and ongoing for childcare.
I do know of a couple though who made that decision and about 14 years on he was still working his socks off and she was a lady of leisure! Unless there are health/disability issues then I think taking time out of the workplace to have a child needs only to be temporary. Perhaps OP will come back and tell us how they plan to manage with the new baby. 

Fireflyaway

This makes for interesting reading! What I'm taking from it is, each couple needs to find a way that works for them. Financial management needs to be reviewed as life events change. Importantly, how finances are managed can actually go deeper than money itself. Trust, team work, fairness, resentment, control, pride, generosity, greed, ambition, risk....  All of these can come into play. From my experience I'd say if one method doesn't work, don't be afraid to try something new until you find what does work. I've personally learned a lot from other people on here.

bamgbost

HI All

Great comments here.

From our perspective, we have a joint account, and all our incomes go in and all our outgoings go our. Everything we own whether assets or debts are ours jointly. It has worked now for 2/3 years and will remain that way going forward.

This is despite myself earning double my OH. (We do also have a little personal money too!)

dutchcloggie

The way I out with my ex was simple. We added all joint living expenses: food, bills, mortgage etc and calculated we needed, say £1000 every month for that. We put that in a separate joint account form which all these things were paid. Then we looked at how much each of us made. When I was still a student (i returned to Uni when I was 38 and we had just met then), her income was a third more than mine. So she paid proportionally more into that joint account. Once I made as much as she did, we split the £1000 50/50. Any major joint purchases, we would both add half to that joint account and then pay the item from the joint account. When we went on holiday, we would both add more into the joint account and pay our joint costs from that account. Once the money was in the joint account, we both saw it as joint money, regardless of who had paid more into the account initially. 

We then both had the rest of our own money to do whatever we wanted. So we'd buy presents. Or take each other out for dinner. Or save money for that new guitar she wanted, or that new bike I fancied. And sometimes I'd buy something I really wanted that would be for both of us but that she didn't think was a priority (e.g. a new tent etc). Then that would come out of my money.  Which meant that if split up, there was absolutely no issue on how to divide things. Everything we paid jointly was to be split 50/50 and everything else remained with the person who paid for it. (In the end we came to a different arrangement when we split up as my ex could not wait to leave so she didn't want anything we purchased jointly. WIN!) 

seven-day-weekend

JamoLew said:

maybe we and the missus are the exception - but all the money goes into one pot and out the same pot.
There is no mine and yours its ours

We are the same too.  It doesn't matter whose name is on the income when it comes in.  It's all 'ours'.  Same as bills going out are 'ours' too.  We have savings in separate names but even they are 'ours'  We have individual spending money and occasionally we do pet-sitting for which we get paid, this goes into the spending money of the one who did the sit.  Same as any money my husband makes from his art is his.  But the main bulk of the money, and all the bills is 'ours'.  We have been married almost 49 years and never done it any other way.

Usually it has been my husband who has been the major wage-earner but sometimes it has been me.  It has never mattered to us.

(Just read the rest of the thread.  In the OP's case i think her husband should have a separate  account for his maintenance money for his kids.  Then anything left can go into the joint 'pot'.)

YBR

maman said:

I do know of a couple though who made that decision and about 14 years on he was still working his socks off and she was a lady of leisure! Unless there are health/disability issues then I think taking time out of the workplace to have a child needs only to be temporary. Perhaps OP will come back and tell us how they plan to manage with the new baby. 

Again something that is very personal. My Husband is not working and, given that we can afford to live on my income, I have been very grateful for that. He is able to drop everything when the kids are ill, the neighbour has a stroke and such like. In lockdown I have been able to work from home because he's doing homeschool and I'm not disturbed.
It means he's able to be involved in local community stuff too.
If he's still not doing paid work when the kids are 14+ that will be his choice, and he won't be idle; I'll still be happy to support that.