How should this work? Finances in marriage = fairness.

maman

MovingForwards said:

@Sayschezza I've a folder with all the info in and am also writing a list, told my OH where to find in case anything happens to me.

Same here. We have a file with all the paperwork for various accounts. Following Martin's advice I'm often moving money around and I know DH doesn't really pay much attention so I make sure I've documented it all and keep the file up to date.

It's interesting that saychezza and her partner have separate accounts.. They're obviously not a young couple but I think as more and more people get together when they're mature adults used to managing their own finances, the 'one pot' system will not be so common. I'd be loathe to give up my own account after having it since I was a student. 

Ryzen

I think in a family the budget should be shared both by the husband and wife.

Pollycat

^^^^ Necropost

The thread was started almost a year ago and the OP hasn't logged on since before Christmas.

Ryzen

I believe it depends on their education and the way they were brought up in their families.

Nikkilou86

When I met my hubby 10yrs ago, he earned roughly £10k a year more than me, over the years his income has increased and mine stayed fairly static then dropped when I was forced to go part time for health reasons. I gave up work completely last year to stay at home with our little one and now have a second baby on the way.

We’ve always been paid into a joint account which all bills and food come out from plus an amount of fun money when we go out together. We then have a standing order to each of our personal accounts for the same amount - this is our money to spend/safe/do as we please with without question.

When little was born we took out a credit card that we put an agreed total on each month and pay off each month - we can both check the balance from our phones. Yes I probably spent 3/4 of this as I’m the one at home, taking little out to groups (pre-Covid), buying clothes/shoes/things little needs etc. but hubby equally uses it when he’s out with little. If I have a coffee with a friend that’s my money, if it’s lunch inc food for little one it goes on this card etc. 

There was a period hubby was out of work for three months and I paid for everything, there’s been a lot more time he’s earned a lot more than me and now I’m contributing nothing and not likely to until little are school age, does it matter? No, because we’re a team, we have what we have and we share what we have and as that changes over the years we deal with it together. 

Our main savings are in my name but purely because hubby can’t be bothered to look for best accounts whereas I can, but they are still ours and he has access to them anytime he needs as they would only be used with joint discussion first. Does it bother him even though he puts the money - no because we’re a team and everything is ours. 

He’s paid for my car for years even though he doesn’t drive as he says he wants to he driven in a nice car and could afford a better car than I could - his choice and if he wants to learn to drive it he can but he chooses not too as think he likes his chauffeur service too much 😂😂

izawa

Guys, be practical. Keep finances simple, the whole thing of I should contribute 40% and partner should contribute 60% of our monthly expenses is nonsense. You both are a team. Best solution - All bills come out of one person's account and other person income should be treated as savings. Ofcourse, you will need to dip into partner account for for bills that exceed first person account but the point is to maximize savings in a easy to track way. 

If you still dont agree, then just open a joint current account and ensure both your incomes goes into that, let all bills come out from it.

DontBringBertie

I'm surprised reading through that so many couples just lump their money in to one account and it's shared.

Been married for 4 years and we have a joint account for bills etc but other than that we have and spend our own money. Avoids any disagreements as we have very different interests.

So if one of you earns £20k a year and the other £100k, it's acceptable for the one on £20k to go and spunk £10k on a 2 week holiday to the Maldives with friends as it's "joint money"?!

maman

DontBringBertie said:

I'm surprised reading through that so many couples just lump their money in to one account and it's shared.

Been married for 4 years and we have a joint account for bills etc but other than that we have and spend our own money. Avoids any disagreements as we have very different interests.

So if one of you earns £20k a year and the other £100k, it's acceptable for the one on £20k to go and spunk £10k on a 2 week holiday to the Maldives with friends as it's "joint money"?!

I'm with you on this. I think it might partly be a generational thing but, sadly, I'm not surprised to see posts advocating 'one pot'. I'd hate it myself but accept that some people choose to do it.

What I dislike though is the implication that if you don't lump all your money together then  there's something wrong with your relationship. 

Happy_Sloth

DontBringBertie said:

I'm surprised reading through that so many couples just lump their money in to one account and it's shared.

Been married for 4 years and we have a joint account for bills etc but other than that we have and spend our own money. Avoids any disagreements as we have very different interests.

So if one of you earns £20k a year and the other £100k, it's acceptable for the one on £20k to go and spunk £10k on a 2 week holiday to the Maldives with friends as it's "joint money"?!

me and my husband have one pot .... i earn on average £135k he earn's on average £30k ... if my husband wanted to spend £10k on a holiday for him and his mates.then we talk about it, if we agree to it then woohoo my husband goes on hols! 

Pollycat

DontBringBertie said:

I'm surprised reading through that so many couples just lump their money in to one account and it's shared.

Been married for 4 years and we have a joint account for bills etc but other than that we have and spend our own money. Avoids any disagreements as we have very different interests.

So if one of you earns £20k a year and the other £100k, it's acceptable for the one on £20k to go and spunk £10k on a 2 week holiday to the Maldives with friends as it's "joint money"?!

Well, I've been married for 33 years, together for 36 years and a joint bank accounts works for us.

And surely that is the point.

Do what works for you - not what somebody else seems to think would work better.

I can't speak for your relationship (just as you can't speak for mine) but my husband would never be so inconsiderate as to book a holiday for £10k on a holiday with friends without discussing it with me first. Regardless of how much he or I earn.

If that's the sort of relationship someone has, I can see why they might want separate accounts.

maman said:

What I dislike though is the implication that if you don't lump all your money together then  there's something wrong with your relationship. 

What I dislike is the implication that if you do lump all your money together then  there's something wrong with your relationship.

As per DontBringBertie's post.