How should this work? Finances in marriage = fairness.

Mojisola

beckysbobbles12 said:

We each own our own properties. Husband rents his out and what he receives in rent just covers mortgage. We live in my house and I pay for all my mortgage.

We both agreed before we married that if anything happened, we wouldn't claim on each others property. I know it's only verbal and all that but that's not the issue.

It could well be the issue if you split up.  He has been living in the marital home (even if the ownership is in your name) and, if he starts doing maintenance and repairs, he could be building up a beneficial interest in it.

Even if you just exchange a few emails, get in writing that you both agree that, if you split up, he will go back to his property and make no claim on yours.

For the other issue, have some accounts that you both pay into (split according your earnings percentage if you choose) and use those accounts for all the household bills/maintenance/holidays/emergency fund.

Have you worked out how the household will function while you're on maternity leave?  What you (as a couple) will do afterwards if you can't get back to work full-time afterwards?

swingaloo

beckysbobbles12 said:

The reason why we don't have joint account for everything is the fact he has three children with his ex. I do not contribute to the childrens maintenance etc (and rightly so). 

That puts a slightly different slant on your opening post. He earns a third less than you and presumably he pays child maintenance and so he will have a lot less cash to spare especially if his rented property does not bring him money in above the mortgage on it.  There is no reason not to have a joint account just because he has other children, \Im not sure I understand your reasoning there. Whilst it is right that your wage should not be taken into account for his children from his first marriage the maintenance he pays is still a monthly expense for you both as a couple. I say this as someone who also married a man with 3 children from a previous relationship. Don't let the money he pays to his ex become an issue especially when you have your own child. If you marry a man with children then those children are an expense you have to deal with as a couple as long as maintenance is due and it can cause issues if you are slightly resentful once you have your own child. Please don't let our children also become 'yours' and 'mine' .

Mnd

JamoLew said:

maybe we and the missus are the exception - but all the money goes into one pot and out the same pot.
There is no mine and yours its ours

Exactly. However don't assume you will never split up. I was married 19 years and then found out my wife wanted out! 

suki1964

Another couple here who pool the resources and use them as needed

Our finances have always been swings and round about. When we met I was the high earner, when we bought our first home, we were about evens, but then he used the money his dad left him building the extension. I then took ill and Ive never gone back to work full time and earn what he calls "pin money", that's the pin money thats been keeping us fed as now he has no work due to the lockdown

My husband has children from a previous marriage , didn't stop us pooling our money . See maybe it is an old fashioned way of thinking, but marriage is a legal binding agreement, what's his is mine and whats mine is mine - oops no I mean whats mine is his, everything became ours

I seriously think you are setting yourself up for resentment. You say you don't contribute to his kids, you say he earns less, you say he can be saving YOU a fortune as hes so handy about YOUR house. You have a child on the way, are you the one thats going to be paying for all its needs? How long will it take you to throw that back at him?

burner01

JamoLew said:

maybe we and the missus are the exception - but all the money goes into one pot and out the same pot.
There is no mine and yours its ours

This is the correct answer.

NeilCr

burner01 said:

JamoLew said:

maybe we and the missus are the exception - but all the money goes into one pot and out the same pot.
There is no mine and yours its ours

This is the correct answer.

It is for some couples

It isn't for others

The correct answer is what works the best for the two people, actually, involved. 

74jax

burner01 said:

JamoLew said:

maybe we and the missus are the exception - but all the money goes into one pot and out the same pot.
There is no mine and yours its ours

This is the correct answer.

For you yes. 
But it's not for everyone.
I'm another for 1 joint for bills and both pay in a %. But I wouldn't claim its right for everyone, but it is for us. 

Mickey666

JamoLew said:

maybe we and the missus are the exception - but all the money goes into one pot and out the same pot.
There is no mine and yours its ours

Add me to the exception(al) list.

It has always seemed odd to me that two people want to spend their lives together but don't want to share their finances.  When we got married we became a single 'team'.  Income is income no matter where it comes from, outgoings are the same.  We've never bothered with 'housekeeping' budgets or clothes budgets or anything like that.  If we want/need to spend something on ourselves (assuming we can afford it) we just let each other know and go ahead.  This has worked remarkably well for the past 40-odd years.

I know this won't suit many couples, indeed I know some of them, but I've always found it strange that couples with such different approaches to money (and other things) wold want to be a couple in the first place.

A marriage/partnership/whatever is a single entity, it just happens to have two members (usually).

I'm probably getting old in the head.

olgadapolga

My DH and I have joint accounts, ever since we purchased a home together. There were times when he earned more than me, or I earned more than him but we share everything, regardless of who is the "breadwinner" at any moment in time.

I couldn't understand why other couples didn't also have joint accounts, including my parents. I asked my mother about it and was told that she decided to have a sole bank account after my father (who rarely earned anything) kept taking all of the money in the account for himself - money that my mother had earned - without a thought to the bills or food for his family. My mum was quite angry about it, even though they'd had separate accounts for decades. Can't say I blame her for still being angry - she worked hard to provide for her family, whereas my dad did very little unless it suited him, yet he felt that because they were married then he had every right to just take all of her money. 

NeilCr

Mickey666 said:

JamoLew said:

maybe we and the missus are the exception - but all the money goes into one pot and out the same pot.
There is no mine and yours its ours

I know this won't suit many couples, indeed I know some of them, but I've always found it strange that couples with such different approaches to money (and other things) wold want to be a couple in the first place.

A marriage/partnership/whatever is a single entity, it just happens to have two members (usually)

In our case we didn't find out about the differences in attitudes to spending until we had been married for a while - and my ex started having some health issues which led to her spending quite a lot of money. She didn't want to be told if she could - or could not - spend and I did not wish to be the person having to do the telling

So we sat down and agreed to separate accounts for our own personal spending and a joint bills account. It worked well for both of us. We parted amicably many years later - nothing to do with money at all

Like other relationship issues communication was the key (something we failed on later in life) and finding a solution that suited both sides. 

A marriage/partnership/whatever is a single entity - doesn't mean that they have to work in the same way as others, though.