Best way to manage household expenses?

Savvy_Sue

Fireflyaway said:

I also don't want us to be too tight with spending money that we give up saving or too generous that it takes 10 years to save a house deposit! 

Well that's where the budget comes in! You can also do reverse budgeting: "if we want to save £20,000 within five years, how much do we need to save per month? Is that possible?" 

It doesn't mean impulse buying has to stop completely, but it should mean that you both think about the impulses before committing. 

Search the main site for the de-motivator tool, it helps you see how every time you DON'T buy something you get closer to your goal. 

MovingForwards

Have you written down every bill / outgoing and its cost for the year? But broken down as monthly.
Then write down your income / OHs income.
How much is left?
That needs to be split between deposit and emergency fund savings.
Done as one pot of money, then divided between outgoings, deposit and savings, all as different accounts.
Monitored each month to see where it needs adjusting.

But, no point doing all of this if your OH is living the high life and spending everything / using CC to spend. Using a CC is spending money not yet earned.

The focus is the end result, the home at the end of the rainbow. However, you need to have two things to focus on before you can even think about buying somewhere as joint owners:
-- working your marriage out.
-- planning for your own life, just in case.

One person cannot fix a marriage, from what you are posting it's all falling on to you.

What is your OH doing to rectify the problems in your marriage? Has he sought help from his GP for his MH? 


To follow up from Savvy_Sue 

A coffee at £3.50 each week means £182 a year, 10 year projected savings time = £1820 for coffee or £1820 less for the deposit.

I saved for 3.5 years after my marriage failed, from the moment I walked out that life I set up a spreadsheet and stuck to it. At one point my income was over £8k more than I'm on now, I enjoyed my Friday coffee, until I worked out how much I was spending on it. The coffee wasn't as important as buying my home.

After that job I was earning under half of my previous income, but I still saved at lot each week.

Fireflyaway

Thanks again. We definitely have different attitudes to credit cards. I got rid of mine and paid off my overdraft, I don't want to borrow again. My husband doesn't seem to mind. He does earn enough to pay it off but to me that's not the point. If you borrow then pay it off you are just going round in circles! 
My husband has been working on himself. He started counselling but further sessions were cancelled due to the virus thing. I believe he is planning a course of CBT once he can go again.  He has also developed a love of cooking! I'm really surprised and he is quite good at it too. In a recent phone call he told me he wants to spend more time being a dad and to spend quality time together. I think he has realized that work completely took over and we all need a better balance. I think better organisation is key for us. Although we tried to do a budget, we obviously missed out some important parts such as entertainment and without a plan it gets confusing every time money is spent. 

maman

Sorry, I wasn't aware of the relationship issues. I thought 'reconciling' in your original post was the accountancy term.  

When I said 50:50 might work, I meant putting all your money together and then sharing it equally so that it's the equivalent of earning the same. That's because you said your DH doesn't mind doing that. It would mean that you'd be in control of the finances more. 

One of the reasons my DH is pleased that we have our individual savings is that if anything happened to either of us we could easily access funds if needed. Although for different reasons, it would be a good idea of you did the same. The savings could go part payment on a holiday or towards a house deposit but you'd be in control. 

Incidentally, are you saving to buy a bigger house or your first? If you're renting, then it makes these plans even more urgent..

just_trying

Does he pay the cc every month in full?

You've become used to your earnings and yes maybe don't have much left but you try your best.

The only way this is going to work is if you both agree, or you'll both be resentful and separate again. You need to  take both incomes into the pot,  then work out all bills, saving pots etc then what's left work out pocket money each that needs to last the month. 

Fireflyaway

Thanks for the input. Ah yes the reconciling! I didn't see it that way ha ha! It applies to our relationship and the money situation though. 
My husband does pay the card off in full each month. I can't make him not have one. I think he feels secure that it's there just in case. However maybe we can agree that it's his choice so he pays it back from his allocated spending money. 
Re the 50/50 for spending money. I just don't feel comfortable because he earns more than me. I'm also genuinely happy with less money whereas he likes to buy clothes etc. 
House wise, we are renting but we are not first time buyers. We sold our flat and rented to decide where to move to, but 3 years later we are still here! That's another issue. We put off things off all the time. I think if we have a clear goal and a timeframe then we will be more motivated to save. If it takes 3 years I'm ok with that if I know we are making progress, but I think my husband will see it as just too long and it might cause him to give up. We had thought about using help to buy but that's not an option now as it ends next year for non first time buyers and we won't have saved enough by then. 

strawb_shortcake

I've not read all the responses so apologies if this has already been covered, if your husband is happy for any left over money to be split 50/50, could you not agree this then put a proportion of your 50% into a savings account? It can be a joint savings account if you'd rather but will help you save that bit quicker too.

Fireflyaway

Yes maybe that could work. I'd like to also have some savings of my own and an emergency fund in cash, rather than a credit card that would need to be paid back. 

chelseablue

We used to put all money into one pot but that didn't work as husband isn't good with money and used to spend everything. 
What we do now is I've worked out all our household bills and food spend and we each put half this amount into an account. 
What we have left in our own accounts we pay for our own mobiles and cars and can do what we like with the rest. Husband blows all his, I save most of mine. 

Resentment is building now as our house needs some things doing to it and as husband has no savings am I expected to pay for it all??

Fireflyaway

I can't afford to pay half the bills, my salary wouldn't cover it. 
I think it's hard when couples have different attitudes to spending / saving, combined with different incomes.  With your house improvements I think it's only fair you pay equally. Could you work out how much it would cost and then pay half each every month into a pot until you have enough? It's unfair that you should give up your money that you carefully saved.