Cripplng gambling debt, no idea where to make savings

AnxiousTheElephant

Sound like your uncles suggestion is good however I would say you need to get to the root of the problem. Speaking from experience I've been loaned the money by my mum to clear debts then got back into the same (if not worse debt). Third time (nearly) out of debt and I think I've finally broke my bad habits and solved the root of my problems 

monetxchange

My worry with taking the money off your uncle is how easy it'll be to run debt back up. He pays it all off, you have no other big commitments other than a neat £300 payment each month. So what happens with the rest? It'll be very tempting to blow it all, on gambling or otherwise, as you're tricked into thinking you're debt free. With something like a debt management solution you'd be much more restricted, which I think would be good for overhauling your ideas about money.

I know you say you decide things as a family, but if you really wanted to, you could just say a firm no and go off and get the debt management in place without telling them first. As it stands, it sounds a little like you're content to be babied and let everyone else take over. That's fine, but it's no way to get more mature about your money future. As I read it, you don't live with your parents so it's not like they could kick you out or anything. Worst case is they stop your monthly pocket money, which is a blessing in disguise to be honest. They'll have to get over it once it's done.

Whatever you decide, good luck. Just seems a shame you really seemed to be taking on board advice on here and making steps until your family waded in and you now act like there's no alternative. There always is.

onwards&upwards

I'd worry that your uncle will basically feel as though he owns you for the duration of the loan. 

Asking to see bank statements is something that mortgage lenders etc. do and it makes sense if you are a business considering a large loan to somebody with your history. 

He's a family member though, he's not bound by data protection laws, and there's no professional distance.  Everybody will know all the ins and outs of your finances and he will have you over a barrel to make all sorts of demands with the cry of "after all I've done for you!"

Well done for saying no, it took some strength, keep going you can do this!

[Deleted User]

What will showing him bank statements show? it's proof of the debt he should be seeing e.g the debt letters from creditors. Unless all your debt is one big overdraft?

IrishSean

Deleted_User said:

What will showing him bank statements show? it's proof of the debt he should be seeing e.g the debt letters from creditors. Unless all your debt is one big overdraft?

Thats a fair point

Is your uncle wanting to help you or castigate you?

Free debt charity; give them a ring, explore all the options. He's not your dad, ur not 17.
If any of your family come on heavy its fair enough to say "im not sure this is what helping looks or feels like". 

Abandon

Deleted_User said:

What will showing him bank statements show? it's proof of the debt he should be seeing e.g the debt letters from creditors. Unless all your debt is one big overdraft?

He's just in shock at the mess I've made and wants to see it for himself. I suspect he's going to make an example or me to deter others. 

Mrs_Ryan

Having read what you said about a different culture I can respect where you’re coming from. Although I’m not of that culture I understand something of it. 

Gambling is a tough one. I’ve seen my brother tear my family apart with gambling, he took out thousands of pounds of debt in both my parents names and gambled it all away. He gambled away the inheritance he got when my dad died, my inheritance is sat in my ISA and  I’m too frightened to touch it  (I took £65 out of it because our shower broke and I needed cash to pay an electrician to fit a new one, it upset me so much until my mum told me off- I’ve put the money back now)but when my brother called me asking to borrow £90 I asked where was his money- he said oh I gambled it which really upset me, I thought hadn’t he done enough to hurt my dad when he was alive? I don’t dare spend mine as I want to use it on something my dad would really approve of. 

 I can sort of understand the thrill of gambling- I’ve won a lot of money on bingo (my bingo wins paid for my honeymoon and some of my wedding) and it’s the best feeling in the world when you win big. Difference is- I took the money, walked away calmly and spent it constructively. I then self exclude for a few weeks after a big win so I’m not tempted to try and win big again. I’m also not missing the bingo at all- I haven’t been since early March and can take or leave it. 

I can understand what your uncle is doing, if your dad is really serious about basically disowning you if you go bankrupt (I believe you) then either look at a DMP or take your uncle’s offer. Whatever you decide to do though you must be firm with yourself- no more gambling. I understand addiction- I’m a recovering alcoholic and I know it’s so hard- but get help. There are plenty of organisations out there who can help. 

Emmia

I don't think you should take the money from your family. If you do it will probably be held over you forever... every wedding /family gathering, every time you spend money on something... ongoing lifetime humiliation.

You got yourself into this mess, why don't you show them that you're an adult and can get yourself out?

ryanm8655

Emmia said:

I don't think you should take the money from your family. If you do it will probably be held over you forever... every wedding /family gathering, every time you spend money on something... ongoing lifetime humiliation.

You got yourself into this mess, why don't you show them that you're an adult and can get yourself out?

Agree - though they probably will anyway for getting in debt for the first place.

IrishSean

Great post Mrs Ryan

I think those who post OP's family have no say, don't necessarily see the cultural bind he's in.

That aside, there's no reason not to:
a) take independent advice
b) stop the train-wreck that is problem gambling or
c) get a DMP of your own in place

I know I didn't take painful enough decisions in the past dealing with my problem; it was never so bad we were in serious debt, there were no remortgages or family going without. What wrecks you mentally though is thinking: was that worse? After all I had the flow of money (prob topped £50k) for over a decade, with the various excuses (my best ones: it was a hobby, I could have been a shopper or a smoker, I could win it all back at any time, lmao), that fuelled those losses. In truth it was mostly driven by a parental death. Ironically it was knowing the inevitable passing of my surviving parent that turned it all around for me since Christmas.

I want OP to post something decisive HE will do to sort this; this hiatus that is lockdown provides the perfect opportunity.