Cripplng gambling debt, no idea where to make savings

OhIJustLostMyShoe

Abandon said:

Willing2Learn said:

@Abandon

Have you thought of getting therapy to address your current psychological need to gamble?  CBT is proven to be a very effective treatment for problem gamblers.  Maybe you could ask your GP for a referral

I don't really believe in that stuff. It's up to me to stop, and I will. Having said that I will do a bit of research into it. 

Of course it's up to you to stop.  But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't have help.

If someone has a broken leg, it's up to them to rest in order to recover and then it's also up to them to work hard to get back up to full fitness.  That doesn't mean that they shouldn't consult a doctor.

Without getting drawn into semantics and technicalities, it is an aspect of mental health, and mental health can benefit from treatment in exactly the same way that physical health can do.

You won't do anything that you don't want to do, of course, but I would strongly recommend being open to it and looking into it.

For some people they can rely on family to help guide them, and whilst your family have obviously been supportive in a financial sense it does seem to me that they aren't always going to prioritise your mental health and support you through that.  Consequently you might benefit more than most from having some external perspective on things.

Unfortunately every piece of advice and remediation that's discussed in this thread becomes worthless if you fall into the gambling trap again, and millions of people have done exactly that.  You wouldn't be the first or the last.  You wouldn't even be unusual in doing so.  If you hit another bump in the road, you might need the help of someone detached from your family who can help guide you, and the most responsible thing to do is to manage that situation and protect yourself.  Suffering alone and pushing yourself to the brink of failure won't prove anything to anyone.

LadyGnome

Having a supportive family can be great. However, you say big decisions are made jointly so do you get to make decisions about your parents finances?  Mentoring and guidance to help you is one thing but internalising the “problem” within the family where you get trapped into being the naughty child or disappointing son role is very unhealthy.  Get an external perspective where there is no guilt or obligation attached.  If after that you still want family support then work out how you are going to solve this and tell them how they can support you in your journey. 

IrishSean

Keep us posted OP

Some of the advice might read like tough love but i'm guessing i'm not the only contributor who senses resistance from you to take external advice; its not an admission of failure, it's for support. I have a degree in psychology and know the dangers of what's called cognitive dissonance: you convince yourself you can do it all yourself, you feel lousy, you gamble to make yourself feel less lousy, you say it's my circumstances, not the gambling, you convince yourself you can fix this... the cycle continues: i've been there😉

It's about breaking the cycle and saying no matter how hard, being a debt free wannabe is my new focus not hitting number 26 with £50 on it or landing a 10 team acca with £25 staked. It was double ball roulette for me for a long time...😮 saving in premium bonds gave me a safe, risk free gamble every month. Inflationary losses (of not beating a 1.4% return) are inconsequential given where I came from and the losses I racked up in 'real gambling!' 

You can do it. When lockdown lifts though you need a sport or hobby that gives you a buzz to replace the thrill of gambling. Those dopamine receptors in our heads still need their fix 😂

GL👍

AnxiousTheElephant

I've spent most of my time in and out of debt due to gambling. I was always self excluding but then would sign up to another site and the cycle continues. Recently I registered my details with GamStop for a 5 year self exclusion and they deal with a lot of gambling sites. For me that was the best option to stop. I wasn't someone who went into betting shops (not that you can at the moment anyway)

Was a big step for me but I wanted to close that part of my life

IrishSean

Me too elephant

If Corona had hit any of a dozen years prior to 2020 i'd have been in a very bad place; think of the worst then go down one or two rungs.. yep, probably there. Gambling companies that were new on the scene did me a massive favour treating me like !!!!!!😂. Older, established ones treated me like royalty while I paid for the diesel and crew on their Mediterranean yachts...

[Deleted User]

I nearly had a run in with gambling about 12 years ago. I was working with a lass who also worked part time in a bookies. She caught the gambling bug from getting horse tips from her regulars in the bookies and was passing them to people in my work place including me. I started having one or two bets on her advice and maybe won a couple too. Then the stakes started creeping up until one day I found myself putting £100 on one bet from her advice. That was the day I stopped.

I will still bet on the Grand National and I've been to a few race days and I can do that as I don't consider myself a gambler but it did nearly go all so wrong. 

IrishSean

My most insane was £200 a spin on live roulette, albeit with most numbers covered. Still a fantastic way to drain your casino acct nonetheless😱 Or 4x£900 deposits in one evening; not missing those times one bit.

Hopefully OP is coping alright

Abandon

IrishSean said:

My most insane was £200 a spin on live roulette, albeit with most numbers covered. Still a fantastic way to drain your casino acct nonetheless😱 Or 4x£900 deposits in one evening; not missing those times one bit.

Hopefully OP is coping alright

I've done all that too. £2000 bet on roulette to win £3000, covering just under 2/3rds of the table. I won that bet, but ultimately I lost of course! You always do, in the end.

Back to my story, a fair few arguments still. My uncle has demanded to see a years worth of bank statements, which I refused to show him (they are a bombscare) and my parents have taken his side.

I am close to accepting his cash injection though. He wants to charge me 1.8% interest too, to teach me a lesson. 

I'm tempted to take the money and run off to start a new life abroad LOL! 

ryanm8655

Interest is fair enough. I’d probably rather just enter a debt management plan and maintain my independence.

IrishSean

Abandon said:

IrishSean said:

My most insane was £200 a spin on live roulette, albeit with most numbers covered. Still a fantastic way to drain your casino acct nonetheless😱 Or 4x£900 deposits in one evening; not missing those times one bit.

Hopefully OP is coping alright

I've done all that too. £2000 bet on roulette to win £3000, covering just under 2/3rds of the table. I won that bet, but ultimately I lost of course! You always do, in the end.

Back to my story, a fair few arguments still. My uncle has demanded to see a years worth of bank statements, which I refused to show him (they are a bombscare) and my parents have taken his side.

I am close to accepting his cash injection though. He wants to charge me 1.8% interest too, to teach me a lesson. 

I'm tempted to take the money and run off to start a new life abroad LOL! 

Man that's a tough one; to use the Texas Holden vernacular you can't feel under the gun by your uncle. It's that trade off between some sense of financial freedom from your debts and feeling 'owned' by your uncle. I'm guessing in your culture there's no 'i'm cutting ties' option, so ultimately you need to work out the best way to manage finances and family simultaneously.

Ultimately, I think if you show them YOU'RE taking control they're bound to back down & give you breathing space a bit, no?

I've established your poison; roulette is a killer - wheel of death. I used to think of myself as a 'gentleman gambler', ultimately I was just a sucker, stealing from my future self. 

Buy that book off Amazon, today: Overcoming Problem Gambling; £4 delivered, it'll change your life mate.